BARTENDER JOKE

army judge

army judge

Super Moderator
An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'

His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?'

The old man replied, 'its fart football.'

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, 'Touchdown, tie score...'

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'

Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, 'Touchdown, tie score.'

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on for the old man.

He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.

Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally poops in the bed.

The wife says, 'What the hell was that?'

The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides'!!!

If you don't laugh at this one, then you've got no sense of humor!!!
 
An old woman visits the doctor for a routine check-up.
"Doctor, I have constant gas, but the farts are always silent and they don't stink!"
The doctor prescribes her some pills and sends her on her way.
Two weeks later she returns for a follow-up.
"Doctor, I still have constant silent farts, but now they stink!"
Doctor replies, "Alright, so we have cleared out those sinuses, now for your hearing..."
 
A grossly overweight guy goes to a weight loss Dr. and asks for help to lose some weight.
The Dr. tells him he can help using a new miricale drug that burns fat fast.
Dr. tells the patient that each night he should pull the loose skin up over his head and tie it off.
The guy goes back to the Dr. a month later for a follow-up visit.
The Dr. says, "I see you've developed a dimple in your chin."
The guy says, "Yah, and dig the crazy necktie."
 
that was pretty good the harder you have to strain the more likely it is bad stuff.

I have one, I went to my bosses funeral. I leaned down and whispered to him....

"Who is thinking outside the box now Gary?"

Maybe it is funnier if you speak it.
 
A man had 3 life long friends - a priest, a rabbi, and a lawyer. They had been through everything together - wars, economic fluctuations, family tragedies, financial success.

As he was about to die he drew his friends to his deathbed and asked them to each place $100,000 in his casket so he could enjoy the afterlife. They agreed and each made a solemn promise to do so.

Then he died.

After the funeral the three friends got together and revealed how they had granted their friend's wish.

The priest - I placed a $100,000 coin collection in the casket.

The rabbi - I placed $100,000 cash in the casket.

The lawyer - I placed a $100,000 check in the casket.
 

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