Any possibility of custody??

[LivLife]

My husband and I would like custody of our 5yo nephew, my brother-in-law's son. Our nephew lived with us for a year when he was 2yo, while my BIL was deployed overseas, it was the first safe, stable, secure environment that he had ever lived in. BIL never called to speak with him, nor did his mother ever deign to see him and she lived only 30 min from our house. When my BIL returned he secured full custody of nephew (taking the mother to court). A few months later he suffered from an unknown medical issue and fell while on base and hit his head, once released from the hospital he went crazy for a time and threatened to kill both myself and my husband if we ever tried to see our nephew again. No explination was ever given to our nephew for our absence. Eventually we were allowed to see him again, and now see him every holiday and whenever we can arrange it. Our nephew currently lives primarily with my parents-in-law who are not in good health and do not take care of themselves or their home. There are litterally path ways around misc stuff and trash that you have to negotiate throughout their house to get from one place to another, they also currently provide my BIL with a house to live in (separate from their's). BIL is in the Air National Guard and now has 'shifting orders' which may cause him to be stationed in 6 mo intervials all over the US, leaving nephew solely with PILs. Now there is a possibility that our nephew may have ADD, ADHD, or Tourette's Syndrom, or a combination of the above. PIL's cannot keep up with him or control him, he acts out in school and doesn't listen, he is punished when he says that he wants to be like my husband when he grows up. Unfortunately (or fortunately) there is no drug abuse, drinking, or physical abuse done by either my BIL or PILs. To complicate matters my husband's job (law enforcement) is being relocated to Michigan. Would there be any possibility of us being able to get custody?

 

[jharris352]

So you want to sue your brother-in-law for custody to take away his child? I suppose that there is always a chance but I would personally worry that he will shoot you in the head if you attempt to do that. Custody of a child is nearly a sacred right. You have little or no basis for trying to take custody from your brother-in-law except that you seem to want a child. The only way you are going to get custody is to start a deprivation action, and I don't think you will succeed, but that will tear your family apart.

Your Freaudian slip about how there "Unfortunately" isn't any drug use or physical abuse is telling. You are likely exaggerating the situation because you covet your nephew. Have your own child. Stay away from his. I don't think he "went crazy" when he told you to stay away from his child, I think he recognized that you were after his child and rightly backed you off.

 

[Duranie]

Since you are moving out of state there is virtually no way you are going to secure custody. The courts are not going to give you custody so the child can be moved away from Dad and grandma and grandpa. You might be able to petition for visitation with the child.

Also if the house is a total mess, call DSS and they can come out and inspect it.

 

[lonelyinny]

this is not your child

My husband and I would like custody of our 5yo nephew, my brother-in-law's son. Our nephew lived with us for a year when he was 2yo, while my BIL was deployed overseas, it was the first safe, stable, secure environment that he had ever lived in. BIL never called to speak with him, nor did his mother ever deign to see him and she lived only 30 min from our house. When my BIL returned he secured full custody of nephew (taking the mother to court). A few months later he suffered from an unknown medical issue and fell while on base and hit his head, once released from the hospital he went crazy for a time and threatened to kill both myself and my husband if we ever tried to see our nephew again. No explination was ever given to our nephew for our absence. Eventually we were allowed to see him again, and now see him every holiday and whenever we can arrange it. Our nephew currently lives primarily with my parents-in-law who are not in good health and do not take care of themselves or their home. There are litterally path ways around misc stuff and trash that you have to negotiate throughout their house to get from one place to another, they also currently provide my BIL with a house to live in (separate from their's). BIL is in the Air National Guard and now has 'shifting orders' which may cause him to be stationed in 6 mo intervials all over the US, leaving nephew solely with PILs. Now there is a possibility that our nephew may have ADD, ADHD, or Tourette's Syndrom, or a combination of the above. PIL's cannot keep up with him or control him, he acts out in school and doesn't listen, he is punished when he says that he wants to be like my husband when he grows up. Unfortunately (or fortunately) there is no drug abuse, drinking, or physical abuse done by either my BIL or PILs. To complicate matters my husband's job (law enforcement) is being relocated to Michigan. Would there be any possibility of us being able to get custody?

nope. you have no legal rights to this child at all. dad decides who have contact with HIS son untill hes 18.

 

[LivLife]

Believe it or not, I have children of my own, and they have been loved and cared for since conception, the same way that my husband and I loved and cared for our nephew when he lived with us and became part of our lives. We have (and continue to) provide proper clothes for him, as his parents can't be bothered and my PILs are unable to.

I posted this question looking for assistance and advice, not rudeness and dedregation. The reason that I used the word "unfortunately" is only because we do not have clear grounds to sue for custody or really even visitation, believe me I realize that many people who use this service have much more serious concerns that mine and have much more serious fears for the children that they are trying to protect. I thank those of you who actually offered helpful advice and I hope that others trying to receive help and look for options get the help they need.

 

[jharris352]

Well I'm sorry you aren't happy with your free advice. However, with free advice we get to comment when we completely disagree with what you are doing. In my opinion, you are just dead wrong to even be considering a hostile take over of custody. The reason I mentioned the "unfortunately" is that it's important. Precisely because you don't have any "clear grounds to sue for custody" YOU SHOULDN'T.

How would you like it if someone disagreed with how you raise your children or thought you couldn't give them enough up to their standards and then they tried to take your children? I really don't think you understand why we are so shocked at what you are talking about doing. You want to take a child from his Father who is doing what he can to raise him simply because you feel you can do a better job. That just doesn't fly.

Your legal answer is, no. You can't take custody. The moral answer is, you should try to help all you can (your concern is truly admirable) but you should stop short of trying to take the child from his father.