- Jurisdiction
- D.C.
We were married 15 years. I have been divorced from the children's father for 30 years. We have 3 adult offspring 2 sons, 1 daughter. Son number two is 34, has autism, severe language impairment and intellectual disability. I've always been his primary caretaker and advocate. Both his dad and I are 64. I needed to retire at 62 following a string of illnesses. He is hoping to retire now, and wanted to vacate the support order. By lawsuit he demanded $300K, hoping to recoup support payments he feels he should not have had to pay. It was another full-blown divorce - with 25 pages of interrogatories, and demands for documentation and receipts for the past 12 years.
The court order in 1986 set up support payments to come directly from his employer. That amount had never been changed. Although he had free access to them, I raised the children without any participation from their father. Our son and his needs are completely foreign to my ex-husband who remains in denial about the scope of disabilities and their impact on daily life.
The attorney representing me kept urging me to settle. I did not believe I owed anything to my ex, and reducing child support was not an option because the family home was at risk of being lost. What would I be settling? My current income from Social Security was $917/month. My ex testified that his salary (didn't mention other income from a bakery he owns, nor bonuses in the tens of thousands) was $280K per year. Despite the disparity of incomes, I have more than $13,000 legal fees for an action I did not initiate and cannot to pay. I cannot borrow it, because my credit rating fell drastically when I could no longer work.
I should mention that the lawsuit came with two weeks of a court order requiring him to give his approval of access to the administrator of his pension plan. It took almost 3 years to get that signature - because he did not think sharing his pension is fair. Retaliation was never even brought out in the hearing nor in communications between attorneys and me. I complained that this was retaliation and more of the same emotional and financial abuse (through which I'd previously endured in the marriage).
There are too many details to list here, but I have been very sick in the last year (2014 -2015), with doctors unable to diagnose the foggy brain, suddenly very short-term memory, joint pain, muscular aches that kept me bedridden, and such fatigue that required resting on the stairs half-way up. I was falling and stumbling frequently.
Complying with demands for financial statements, interrogatories, document production are no longer things I can do. After working on them for 5 months, I submitted answers to the interrogatories. Boxed up every document in my possession and shipped 6 cartons to the attorney. Also submitted a financial statement, unsure of it's correctness.
In February 2015, I had a 911 emergency and was hospitalized for 10 days when a cerebral aneurysm was diagnosed along with LYME disease. LYME is curable if immediately treated with a course of anibiotics. Mine went undiagnosed for more than 7 months. Late disseminated LYME required 2 months of daily IV infusions of antibiotics to alleviate symptoms. But not before I'd developed deficits in communication, cognition and memory. Any documents produced during those early months would/could not have been accurate.
At the hearing in September 2015, I was not able to adequately represent my self and my son - given language and memory problems. There was no court advocate to explain or translate my efforts with language and memory. My attorney only asked me 3 questions that I can remember. Dont remember her questioning or following up with my ex's testimony. I couldn't remember banking financial details or even obvious events like the nice vacation I took our son at Christmas 2014, when we flew out to Asheville and stayed several days at a very nice, high end condo where we celebrated the holidays.
On October 27, 2015, a court order was entered denying the $300K refund, but cutting child support by 3/4, and ordering no recovery of attorney fees. The order also stipulated that my ex-husband could instead of paying through the court, could establish and then pay support to a trust fund. The order was effective on November 1, 2015. My attorney would not ask for a stay at least until the actual trust was set up, or for a few months in which I could make changes to the budget, or sell our home and move out.
I am 64, still care for our son and have him in my custody an average of three days per week, often on weekends overnight, plus every holiday and whenever he is sick. I was able to buy all his clothing and provide for any other needs. I was able to pay for vacations and miscellaneous recreational and entertainment activities. It's no longer possible to meet those needs and our son's quality of life will be no better than that of individuals who are entirely dependent on state funds and must spend all their time with people who are paid to watch them. Any advice or recommendations would be appreciated. Thank you.
We were married 15 years. I have been divorced from the children's father for 30 years. We have 3 adult offspring 2 sons, 1 daughter. Son number two is 34, has autism, severe language impairment and intellectual disability. I've always been his primary caretaker and advocate. Both his dad and I are 64. I needed to retire at 62 following a string of illnesses. He is hoping to retire now, and wanted to vacate the support order. By lawsuit he demanded $300K, hoping to recoup support payments he feels he should not have had to pay. It was another full-blown divorce - with 25 pages of interrogatories, and demands for documentation and receipts for the past 12 years.
The court order in 1986 set up support payments to come directly from his employer. That amount had never been changed. Although he had free access to them, I raised the children without any participation from their father. Our son and his needs are completely foreign to my ex-husband who remains in denial about the scope of disabilities and their impact on daily life.
The attorney representing me kept urging me to settle. I did not believe I owed anything to my ex, and reducing child support was not an option because the family home was at risk of being lost. What would I be settling? My current income from Social Security was $917/month. My ex testified that his salary (didn't mention other income from a bakery he owns, nor bonuses in the tens of thousands) was $280K per year. Despite the disparity of incomes, I have more than $13,000 legal fees for an action I did not initiate and cannot to pay. I cannot borrow it, because my credit rating fell drastically when I could no longer work.
I should mention that the lawsuit came with two weeks of a court order requiring him to give his approval of access to the administrator of his pension plan. It took almost 3 years to get that signature - because he did not think sharing his pension is fair. Retaliation was never even brought out in the hearing nor in communications between attorneys and me. I complained that this was retaliation and more of the same emotional and financial abuse (through which I'd previously endured in the marriage).
There are too many details to list here, but I have been very sick in the last year (2014 -2015), with doctors unable to diagnose the foggy brain, suddenly very short-term memory, joint pain, muscular aches that kept me bedridden, and such fatigue that required resting on the stairs half-way up. I was falling and stumbling frequently.
Complying with demands for financial statements, interrogatories, document production are no longer things I can do. After working on them for 5 months, I submitted answers to the interrogatories. Boxed up every document in my possession and shipped 6 cartons to the attorney. Also submitted a financial statement, unsure of it's correctness.
In February 2015, I had a 911 emergency and was hospitalized for 10 days when a cerebral aneurysm was diagnosed along with LYME disease. LYME is curable if immediately treated with a course of anibiotics. Mine went undiagnosed for more than 7 months. Late disseminated LYME required 2 months of daily IV infusions of antibiotics to alleviate symptoms. But not before I'd developed deficits in communication, cognition and memory. Any documents produced during those early months would/could not have been accurate.
At the hearing in September 2015, I was not able to adequately represent my self and my son - given language and memory problems. There was no court advocate to explain or translate my efforts with language and memory. My attorney only asked me 3 questions that I can remember. Dont remember her questioning or following up with my ex's testimony. I couldn't remember banking financial details or even obvious events like the nice vacation I took our son at Christmas 2014, when we flew out to Asheville and stayed several days at a very nice, high end condo where we celebrated the holidays.
On October 27, 2015, a court order was entered denying the $300K refund, but cutting child support by 3/4, and ordering no recovery of attorney fees. The order also stipulated that my ex-husband could instead of paying through the court, could establish and then pay support to a trust fund. The order was effective on November 1, 2015. My attorney would not ask for a stay at least until the actual trust was set up, or for a few months in which I could make changes to the budget, or sell our home and move out.
I am 64, still care for our son and have him in my custody an average of three days per week, often on weekends overnight, plus every holiday and whenever he is sick. I was able to buy all his clothing and provide for any other needs. I was able to pay for vacations and miscellaneous recreational and entertainment activities. It's no longer possible to meet those needs and our son's quality of life will be no better than that of individuals who are entirely dependent on state funds and must spend all their time with people who are paid to watch them. Any advice or recommendations would be appreciated. Thank you.
The court order in 1986 set up support payments to come directly from his employer. That amount had never been changed. Although he had free access to them, I raised the children without any participation from their father. Our son and his needs are completely foreign to my ex-husband who remains in denial about the scope of disabilities and their impact on daily life.
The attorney representing me kept urging me to settle. I did not believe I owed anything to my ex, and reducing child support was not an option because the family home was at risk of being lost. What would I be settling? My current income from Social Security was $917/month. My ex testified that his salary (didn't mention other income from a bakery he owns, nor bonuses in the tens of thousands) was $280K per year. Despite the disparity of incomes, I have more than $13,000 legal fees for an action I did not initiate and cannot to pay. I cannot borrow it, because my credit rating fell drastically when I could no longer work.
I should mention that the lawsuit came with two weeks of a court order requiring him to give his approval of access to the administrator of his pension plan. It took almost 3 years to get that signature - because he did not think sharing his pension is fair. Retaliation was never even brought out in the hearing nor in communications between attorneys and me. I complained that this was retaliation and more of the same emotional and financial abuse (through which I'd previously endured in the marriage).
There are too many details to list here, but I have been very sick in the last year (2014 -2015), with doctors unable to diagnose the foggy brain, suddenly very short-term memory, joint pain, muscular aches that kept me bedridden, and such fatigue that required resting on the stairs half-way up. I was falling and stumbling frequently.
Complying with demands for financial statements, interrogatories, document production are no longer things I can do. After working on them for 5 months, I submitted answers to the interrogatories. Boxed up every document in my possession and shipped 6 cartons to the attorney. Also submitted a financial statement, unsure of it's correctness.
In February 2015, I had a 911 emergency and was hospitalized for 10 days when a cerebral aneurysm was diagnosed along with LYME disease. LYME is curable if immediately treated with a course of anibiotics. Mine went undiagnosed for more than 7 months. Late disseminated LYME required 2 months of daily IV infusions of antibiotics to alleviate symptoms. But not before I'd developed deficits in communication, cognition and memory. Any documents produced during those early months would/could not have been accurate.
At the hearing in September 2015, I was not able to adequately represent my self and my son - given language and memory problems. There was no court advocate to explain or translate my efforts with language and memory. My attorney only asked me 3 questions that I can remember. Dont remember her questioning or following up with my ex's testimony. I couldn't remember banking financial details or even obvious events like the nice vacation I took our son at Christmas 2014, when we flew out to Asheville and stayed several days at a very nice, high end condo where we celebrated the holidays.
On October 27, 2015, a court order was entered denying the $300K refund, but cutting child support by 3/4, and ordering no recovery of attorney fees. The order also stipulated that my ex-husband could instead of paying through the court, could establish and then pay support to a trust fund. The order was effective on November 1, 2015. My attorney would not ask for a stay at least until the actual trust was set up, or for a few months in which I could make changes to the budget, or sell our home and move out.
I am 64, still care for our son and have him in my custody an average of three days per week, often on weekends overnight, plus every holiday and whenever he is sick. I was able to buy all his clothing and provide for any other needs. I was able to pay for vacations and miscellaneous recreational and entertainment activities. It's no longer possible to meet those needs and our son's quality of life will be no better than that of individuals who are entirely dependent on state funds and must spend all their time with people who are paid to watch them. Any advice or recommendations would be appreciated. Thank you.
We were married 15 years. I have been divorced from the children's father for 30 years. We have 3 adult offspring 2 sons, 1 daughter. Son number two is 34, has autism, severe language impairment and intellectual disability. I've always been his primary caretaker and advocate. Both his dad and I are 64. I needed to retire at 62 following a string of illnesses. He is hoping to retire now, and wanted to vacate the support order. By lawsuit he demanded $300K, hoping to recoup support payments he feels he should not have had to pay. It was another full-blown divorce - with 25 pages of interrogatories, and demands for documentation and receipts for the past 12 years.
The court order in 1986 set up support payments to come directly from his employer. That amount had never been changed. Although he had free access to them, I raised the children without any participation from their father. Our son and his needs are completely foreign to my ex-husband who remains in denial about the scope of disabilities and their impact on daily life.
The attorney representing me kept urging me to settle. I did not believe I owed anything to my ex, and reducing child support was not an option because the family home was at risk of being lost. What would I be settling? My current income from Social Security was $917/month. My ex testified that his salary (didn't mention other income from a bakery he owns, nor bonuses in the tens of thousands) was $280K per year. Despite the disparity of incomes, I have more than $13,000 legal fees for an action I did not initiate and cannot to pay. I cannot borrow it, because my credit rating fell drastically when I could no longer work.
I should mention that the lawsuit came with two weeks of a court order requiring him to give his approval of access to the administrator of his pension plan. It took almost 3 years to get that signature - because he did not think sharing his pension is fair. Retaliation was never even brought out in the hearing nor in communications between attorneys and me. I complained that this was retaliation and more of the same emotional and financial abuse (through which I'd previously endured in the marriage).
There are too many details to list here, but I have been very sick in the last year (2014 -2015), with doctors unable to diagnose the foggy brain, suddenly very short-term memory, joint pain, muscular aches that kept me bedridden, and such fatigue that required resting on the stairs half-way up. I was falling and stumbling frequently.
Complying with demands for financial statements, interrogatories, document production are no longer things I can do. After working on them for 5 months, I submitted answers to the interrogatories. Boxed up every document in my possession and shipped 6 cartons to the attorney. Also submitted a financial statement, unsure of it's correctness.
In February 2015, I had a 911 emergency and was hospitalized for 10 days when a cerebral aneurysm was diagnosed along with LYME disease. LYME is curable if immediately treated with a course of anibiotics. Mine went undiagnosed for more than 7 months. Late disseminated LYME required 2 months of daily IV infusions of antibiotics to alleviate symptoms. But not before I'd developed deficits in communication, cognition and memory. Any documents produced during those early months would/could not have been accurate.
At the hearing in September 2015, I was not able to adequately represent my self and my son - given language and memory problems. There was no court advocate to explain or translate my efforts with language and memory. My attorney only asked me 3 questions that I can remember. Dont remember her questioning or following up with my ex's testimony. I couldn't remember banking financial details or even obvious events like the nice vacation I took our son at Christmas 2014, when we flew out to Asheville and stayed several days at a very nice, high end condo where we celebrated the holidays.
On October 27, 2015, a court order was entered denying the $300K refund, but cutting child support by 3/4, and ordering no recovery of attorney fees. The order also stipulated that my ex-husband could instead of paying through the court, could establish and then pay support to a trust fund. The order was effective on November 1, 2015. My attorney would not ask for a stay at least until the actual trust was set up, or for a few months in which I could make changes to the budget, or sell our home and move out.
I am 64, still care for our son and have him in my custody an average of three days per week, often on weekends overnight, plus every holiday and whenever he is sick. I was able to buy all his clothing and provide for any other needs. I was able to pay for vacations and miscellaneous recreational and entertainment activities. It's no longer possible to meet those needs and our son's quality of life will be no better than that of individuals who are entirely dependent on state funds and must spend all their time with people who are paid to watch them. Any advice or recommendations would be appreciated. Thank you.
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