Complicated stalking case - very scared.

[stalkee]

A girl ("Jane") was college friends with my boyfriend ("Dan") and had strong feelings for him that were never returned. I never met the girl. We knew of each other through mutual friends and social networking sites.

When I started dating Dan in 2007, she began harassing me online and obsessively monitoring my activities. I tried to avoid her, to no avail. It escalated to cyber bullying in April 2008 at which point I blocked her from all social networking sites.

In November 2008 she falsified information from my Facebook and sent it to my boss under an assumed name in an effort to get me in trouble. This was in spite of the fact that I'd blocked her from Facebook. I realized she'd made a new profile on there separate from the one I'd blocked. At that point, I blocked her new profile as well and set my Facebook so that "only friends" could see my info.

I thought I was safe, but just this month Dan and I applied to adopt a dog from a rescue. Since that incident with my boss, I've normally refrained from posting personally identifiable things on Facebook. But in a moment of bad judgement, I made a post about the puppy we wanted, and linked it to her shelter.

The next day the head of the dog rescue, "Mary," rejected our application. This was after we had gone through interviews and reference checks. When pressed, she blurted out that she had received an email from "a reference" and would NEVER adopt a dog to us because of what the email said. She refused to say who it was from and was very hostile.

I set up a sting operation and confirmed that it was Jane who sent the email. I did this by making up a fake dog rescue and communicating with Jane under the guise of being this rescue's owner.

In the letters Jane claimed to be related to me. She was using an email address under my stepmother's name. Later she claimed to be my stepsister. She told lies about Dan and I, even insinuating that Dan was responsible for a puppy's death.

She also included a disturbing amount of true personal information about us--like the dates of our upcoming vacation, when our lease is up, names of my family members, my employment status, and the fact that we like to take my aunt's dog to the park and walk him.

In the emails to the fake dog shelter she also included an address and phone number.

I realize that cyberstalking across state lines (she is on the East coast) only applies if bodily harm is threatened. I realize I don't have some "huge case" against her because no one values being defamed to a dog rescue.

But I worry about what she will do next, and need to do something to stop it BEFORE she does something worse. Simple online harassment has crossed over into repeated attempts to defame me to important real-life contacts. And this is after years of no contact with her whatsoever.

The most disturbing thing is that she knows so much. I have blocked her online so there's no way she could know so many personal details about me unless she's crossing state lines and following me in real life, or hacking one of my friends' Facebook accounts.

To make matters worse, I just found out that she's moving to my city in the fall.

What can I do, legally? Small claims? File a police report? Get a restraining order? I just want it documented what she's done, in case she ever does something worse.

Are the emails Jane sent to my "sting operation" enough evidence to use against her in court/for a restraining order, or do I have to get the emails she sent to the legitimate dog rescue?

Will the dog rescue have to surrender those emails under subpoena?

Jane's father is on the terror watch list. Would law enforcement take this more seriously if I bring that up?

 

[Proserpina]

Hon, seriously - nobody is going to read a post of that length.

Please stick to the relevant facts and leave out the editorializing and emotion

 

[army judge]

I am being cyber-stalked. From scouring this forum, I realize I probably can't press criminal charges yet. But the actions of my stalker have escalated over a period of years, and I recently found out she's moving to my city.

The bottom line is this: The more I have made it clear to her that I don't want her involved in my life, the further her actions have escalated. What started as online monitoring and rude comments has crossed over to her contacting real-life employers and organizations to defame me. I'm afraid this is a pattern that will escalate into bodily harm, especially once she's living nearby.

If I have any legal recourse to do ANYTHING to get her abuse documented, I will do it. Even just a restraining order to prove I had a complaint against her if she ever tries anything more serious. Or strongly worded legal documents that will scare her into stopping. I just can't let this keep going on without doing something.

This is a long story but I will try to keep it interesting.


BACK STORY

My boyfriend ("Dan") was once good friends with a girl ("Jane") who had romantic feelings for him that he did not return. Jane and I went to the same college. We never met in real life other than one time when I assisted her at my work. However, we connected through social networking sites because we had mutual friends and interests.

When Dan and I began our relationship in early 2007, she became very upset and abusive in online comments. She monitored my online activity with disturbing excessiveness. Dan said he believed she was a sociopath. As things got worse I gradually increased privacy options on websites we had once been friends on, up to the point of totally blocking her from everything I could in April 2008.

In November 2008, my boss informed me she received an email from a person whose name I didn't recognize, detailing some bad things I'd supposedly said about her online. The day before, I had vented in a Facebook status update about a previous employer. I suspected someone had erroneously or maliciously attributed what I'd said there to my then-current job and boss. Because things had escalated so badly with Jane, I suspected her immediately.

That day I checked facebook and realized that not only did Jane have a new profile separate from the one i had blocked, but that my privacy settings were set so that "friends of friends" could still see my profile and updates. I immediately blocked Jane's new profile and set everything to the highest security possible, "only friends".

I figured I was safe but still refrained from being on Facebook very much after that, or posting anything that could be connected to my real life.


PRESENT DAY

Fast forward to May 2010. Dan and I decided to adopt a dog. We fell in love with a puppy, went through the application process to get approved to adopt, and were invited by the dog rescue to come to an adoption event.

The day before this event, I made an excited post on Facebook about the dog, linking my comment and her picture to the dog rescue's website.

The next day we traveled 2 hours to go meet the puppy and sign the papers. However, once getting there, the rescue organizer ("Mary") very nastily informed me that her organization would not be adopting ANY dogs to me. When pressed, Mary admitted that she'd gotten an email from "a reference" that detailed negative things about me and Dan. She refused to tell me who it was from.

Then she threatened to have management escort me out if I didn't leave. She had even told the puppy's foster mom not to bring the dog to the event. Apparently the email was bad enough to warrant this level of ill treatment.

Devastated, I immediately suspected Jane once more. The only people who would have known about the shelter were the ones who saw my link on Facebook. Jane was supposed to be blocked from that, though. I decided to enact a "sting operation" to try and draw out the emailer's true identity:

1. I made an email address for a fake dog rescue.
2. I posted a fake Craigslist ad offering a puppy for adoption and linked it to the fake dog rescue's email address.
3. I posted the Craigslist ad on my Facebook, along with an intimation that I'd be really upset if this puppy didn't work out.

Not five hours later, the fake dog rescue account had an email from someone using my stepmom's first and last name, claiming to be related to me, detailing that she wished the conversation to remain private but that she had some "concerns about a prospective adoptive couple".

Masquerading as "Donna," the fake dog rescue owner, I communicated with the person pretending to be my stepmother to try and find out what they'd possibly told the first rescue, and who they were.

My suspicions that Jane was the author were almost immediately validated. First, she included a phone number. Dan called it and confirmed her voice on the other end. Second, she relayed a certain story about Dan that only a very select few people knew about, her being one of them.

In the course of the emails with Donna, Jane:
- Claimed to be my stepsister (though continued to use my stepmother's name).

- Relayed significant true details about my personal life, including vacation dates, when my apartment lease would be up, names and occupations of my family members, and even that we liked to take my aunt's dog to the park (possibly traveled across interstate lines to find all this out, possibly got it through hacking Facebook).

- Gave a physical address where she could be mailed a "sponsorship packet" to help pay for the care of the dog whose adoption her email was delaying.

- Lied about a true story to make it look like Dan had negligently killed a puppy.

- Told several other concrete and defamatory lies about Dan and I, though explicitly stated that we were good people who would never intentionally abuse a dog.

After several emails, and inconsistencies, Jane admitted that she wasn't related to me, that she had lied about that, but that she was afraid to tell who she really was because Dan and I "might stop talking" to her.

I figured I would need the emails between Jane and the real dog rescue to take this to a legal level, so I explained everything to Mary in an email, though omitted the fact the rescue who had outed Jane was really just my sting operation. She refuses to respond to that or my phone calls.

Even my stepmother called Mary to prove that an impostor was sending the emails. Mary did speak with her. She admitted the emails used my stepmom's, name but says that even though she believes that my real stepmom didn't send them, she feels there were too many details in the emails for it to not be someone who was telling the truth.

-----

So here's where I'm at. A jealous woman scorned is stalking me, cataloging information about my life, using it to make her bogus claims of familial relation look real, and attempting to damage my reputation to important contacts.

I am terrified. I have no idea how Jane knows what she knows. She has to be using one of my Facebook friends' accounts to look at my information there, which I would not put past her. She could feasibly be following me in real life, though she supposedly lives on the East coast.

I have many questions:

1. Can I use the information from the emails to "Donna" as evidence to get a restraining order?

You can apply to the court for one, and see what happens.
If you do that, use everything in your possession to substantiate your case.

If so:
1a. Should I pay to have the phone number and address Jane provided in those emails traced to her to make my case stronger?

Again, anything that supports identifying the perpetrator is usually helpful.

1b. Jane offered to send a check to the fake dog rescue. Should I accept it and just not cash it, in order to prove her identity?

That wouldn't be wise, would it?
This would have YOU contacting the "alleged" stalker.

2. If the emails, phone number, and address associated with the sting operation would be inadmissible, do I need to get the emails Jane sent to Mary at the original dog rescue to have evidence for a restraining order?

You do understand that you must PROVE the source of those emails, don't you?
This might be better left for the police to attempt.

3. If so, how do I get Mary to cooperate and release the emails? Small claims court against her? A subpoena in a civil case against Jane? A strongly worded certified letter to Mary stating that I will take her to court if she doesn't release the emails? (Would a lawyer have to write it?)

Small claims courts have no authority to provide injunctive relief.
Again, this is a matter best left to the devices of the police.

4. Since Jane offered to sponsor my fake dog, I'm sure she did the same with the real rescue. And this could be why Mary refuses to cooperate. Could their financial records be subpoenaed?

Please, you are as obsessed with her as she seems to be with you.
Again, report this to the police.
Let the police investigate it.

5. Jane once told Dan that her wealthy, fundamentalist father is on the FBI's terror watch list. I don't believe in guilt by association, but if it means law enforcement will take my case more seriously, should I bring this up?

This is nothing more than gossip.
You need to stop communicating with these people.

6. Should I even bother with a police report or contacting the DA?

That is the BEST idea you've had.
Turn everything over to the police.
You aren't Mr. Monk or any other tv detective.

You should also consider taking down any online social networking profiles.
None of this would have been possible, had you not begun posting every aspect of your life on the internet.
If you STOP doing that, you make it harder for creeps like this to STALK you!

 

[stalkee]

I edited the post as per your suggestion, Proserpina. Thanks for your candor.

Army Judge, as I stated, everything indicates that police will not be interested in spending time or money to look into this matter. So far I've been blown off by Legal Aid, criminal lawyers, civil lawyers, and my local police department. People on this very forum have said that if there is no implied or actual bodily harm from stalking, there is essentially no case. Hence my need to "play Monk" and get as much evidence as possible to get whatever tiny action I can against her.

I don't appreciate your insinuation that I've invited stalking just because I have a Facebook profile. I have taken every reasonable precaution and am extremely careful about what I say online ever since Jane emailed my boss in 2008. Yet the stalking still persists. I'm deleting my Facebook, but when will it end? When the girl moves here and decides that since she can't get to me online, she'll get to me in person? That's what I'm trying to prevent happening.

 

[mightymoose]

You aren't being "stalked"... not in a legal sense anyway. What you have here is simple harassment, and maaaybe some slander... but that would be tough to ever prove.

Your best option is the restraining order.

You don't want to hear it, but it sounds as if the girl is getting her information from you yourself since you put it in public domain via Facebook and who knows what else. Restraining order or not, there is nothing illegal about accessing that information... however if she were to send you messages she would be in violation.

Unless you have received legitimate threats to fear for your safety, pursue the restraining order and see how she responds. If you have received legitimate threats (which doesn't seem to be the case since you didn't say so) then make a report to the police and let them contact her for you.

 

[Michael Wechsler]

Facebook - a place one should not feel private and safe. The second is twitter. Anything you say and post can be used against you by anyone, especially if you are unaware of the complicated privacy settings and the fact that all your "friends" might not be your friends. I have more cases of people getting into trouble using Facebook than virtually any other service. Best of luck and great posts everyone.