Concilator sent his report only to the judge and did not file it with the clerk

[momma_2_four]

My son's dad & I went to conciliation in April due to my son's dad wanting to enroll our son in his school district instead of mine for the next school year. My son's dad refused to discuss the matter in our court ordered co-parenting counseling saying he wanted it to go to trial and why waste time when he had no interest in discussing it. So ok, we went on to conciliation since the court would order that before they would allow us to go to trial. We worked with the conciliator that we have been working with throughout our son's life. Normally, we come up with an agreement and go on our merry way. Usually after lots of back and forth, often with only one of us in the room at a time.

This time seemed a bit different. After we each stated our positions, the conciliator spoke to me alone for about 20 min to find out if I had any ideas about what might appease my son's dad and allow for my son to stay in the school he is in. I really didn't, but he thought he would try making some of his activities closer to my son's dad's house. (we live in different towns, about 17 miles apart).

The conciliator then spoke to my son's dad for the next 2 hours. When I was finally called back in the conciliator just stated that we would not be able to come to an agreement and he would be writing his report and let us know when it was ready. If there was anyone else we thought he should speak to on this matter we should get that to him by the next day. I gave him our son's therapist's info, teacher's info, & his best friends' family's info. My son's dad gave him our co-parenting counselor's info. We went through and signed all the proper releases as well.

Last week, the conciliator called me and spoke to me for an hour and a half and then called back again a couple more times totalling about 3 hours of conversation. Said he was also going to be speaking to my son's dad as well. Ok so we are expecting a report soon. Our co-parenting therapist and my lawyer have all asked what the conciliator's position is. But I honestly have no idea, he has given no indication whatsoever.

Finally, I got a letter in the mail from him today addressed to the judge assigned to our trial that has now been set. The conciliator hand delivered his original report to her and states that he did not file with the clerk nor has he provided a copy to the parties or the parties' counsel.

My question: How normal is this? I thought everyone got the report the conciliator writes up and we would at least have an idea what his position is. I've heard over and over, the judge will typically not deviate from the conciliator's position or if they do it isn't far. What kind of reason would they have to keep the report from the parents or their counsel?

 

[army judge]

You'll eventually see the report. It sounds as if the conciliator discovered some troubling information about one of you.

You're involved, so think about what might have set this off. Also, it may be nothing. You could be overreacting. There is nothing you can do now, so you'll find out in due course.

 

[momma_2_four]

Sadly I don't know my son's dad all that well. Regardless, I can't think of anything truly damning to either one of us. My son's dad is not easy to work with and my son's therapist, teachers, and friends would all agree but I don't think that would preclude him from being a dad. I follow all the rules everywhere to a T and try to make everything work for everyone. I can think of a few minor things that might be a problem, but nothing that would warrant this kind of secrecy. And you just may be right, it may be nothing at all and I'm overreacting. We've never actually had to have a report done either, maybe this is how it is supposed to go.

 

[army judge]

Who knows now?

You will know soon enough!

I wouldn't admit to not knowing much about the man I allowed to inseminate me, however. To the court, that might illustrate some level of irresponsibility on your part.

I'm not being judgmental, but the court sure as heck will be.

My attitude is that I can only know what I did.
There are people I trust, but unless I'm with them, who can say what they might have done.

One thing is for certain, in a few days, all will bs revealed!

 

[momma_2_four]

LOL AJ!

I knew him 11 years ago when I got pg! I don't know him NOW! We were very young and people change all the time. We haven't even been friends in the loosest of terms in over 8 years. What mutual friends we had then were told by him they had to choose sides, if they didn't and he found out they were still friends with me, he chose for them by ceasing all contact. So I don't even have any of those to give me any kind of scoop.

It will be revealed one way or another. My lawyer has requested a copy from the judge and tells me she thinks it will be good for me. I have no idea what she is basing it on, but she has given me reason to trust her and what she says so I think I will roll with it. If nothing else, I won't be strung out on anxiety until we do find out what it says.