Contacting my ex-wife's significant other.

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guts216

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Is it legal to contact my ex-wife's partner to tell him she accused me of sexual assault during our divorce. She also told the woman I was with at the time that I was under investigation for sexual assault and I was investigated by the Air Force but was found innocent. I would like to return the favor and show him the text messages my ex-wife sent to that woman. I am somewhat aware of what constitutes defamation and harassment so I want to avoid saying any unnecessary insults that I don't have receipts to back them up.

Context:
My ex-wife wife also accused me of domestic battery, which I was ultimately convicted of. During that time (2+ years ago) she had a restraining order on me, which has since been dropped. But I have a video of her acknowledging that I was honest if court. And I would like to show that to him that as well.
 
guts216 said:
She also told the woman I was with at the time that I was under investigation for sexual assault and I was investigated by the Air Force but was found innocent.
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Think, slow down and think.

In regards to criminal charges in this country, a defendant can end up being GUILTY or NOT GUILTY.

No one can be adjudicated INNOCENT in the USA.

If you were in Scotland, you could be found innocent.

I suggest you don't do what your considering.

Your stupidity cost you in the past.

Your stupidity will cost you in the present, should you pursue revenge.

It is best allow a sleeping canine, or untamed beasts to slumber

It is unwise to arouse any sleeping beast.

For the uninformed, ADULTERY is a crime under the UCMJ.

People are often surprised to learn that extramarital sexual conduct, which includes "adultery", is a crime in the military. While this military-specific offense might seem harmless enough to civilians, the military takes such conduct very seriously. Service members convicted of extramarital sexual conduct can receive a federal criminal conviction, confinement, and a punitive discharge from the military.

MJA has defended countless service members facing investigation, court-martial, and discipline for extramarital sexual conduct, including adultery. Contact one of our military defense lawyers today to learn more.

Background

Historically, extramarital sexual conduct like adultery was criminalized to maintain good order and discipline within the military. It's not difficult to imagine the negative impact adultery could have on morale or mission accomplishment if a commanding officer was found to be sleeping with the spouse of one of his Soldiers, or if a deployed service member was constantly distracted by the fear that their spouse would be hit on by service members back home.

In 2019, the specific crime of "Adultery" was replaced with the more general offense of "Extramarital sexual conduct" under Article 134, UCMJ. The new offense, which incorporates the elements of "adultery", is designed to prevent and criminalize sexual conduct which negatively impacts the military environment.

Elements

However, not all acts of extramarital sexual conduct are criminal. Extramarital sexual conduct is only illegal for members of the armed forces under certain circumstances. To be punishable under Article 134, UCMJ, the Government must prove three elements:

  • That the accused wrongfully engaged in extramarital conduct with a certain person;
  • That, at the time, the accused knew that they or the other person was married to someone else; and
  • That, under the circumstances, the conduct of the accused was either: (i) to the prejudice of good order and discipline in the armed forces; (ii) was of a nature to bring discredit upon the armed forces; or (iii) to the prejudice of good order and discipline in the armed forces and of a nature to bring discredit upon the armed forces.
"Extramarital sexual conduct" includes the following sexual acts between persons of the same or opposite sex: genital to genital sexual intercourse; oral to genital sexual intercourse; anal to genital sexual intercourse; and oral to anal sexual intercourse.

Terminal Element

For consensual sexual conduct to be punishable under Article 134, UCMJ, the government must prove what's called the "terminal element." The terminal element is necessary for all Article 134 offenses. It requires the government prove that the conduct at issue was either: (i) to the prejudice of good order and discipline in the armed forces; or (ii) was of a nature to bring discredit upon the armed forces.

To the prejudice of good order and discipline refers only to acts directly prejudicial to good order and discipline. While every improper act by a service member could be viewed as prejudicial in some indirect or remote sense, that is not enough to make the conduct criminal under Article 134. Rather, the prejudice to good order and discipline must be "reasonably direct and palpable."

Alternatively, extramarital sexual conduct may be punishable if it's of a nature to bring discredit upon the armed forces. "Discredit" means to injure the reputation of. This includes any "conduct which has a tendency to bring the service into disrepute or which tends to lower it in public esteem."

Defenses

Article 134 allows the defense of mistake of fact if the accused had an honest and reasonable belief that either he or his paramour were unmarried or legally separated. If the accused can put forward evidence supporting this belief, the burden is on the government to prove otherwise.

The 2019 revisions to the Manual for Courts-Martial (MCM) also added a new affirmative defense: legal separation. For this defense to apply, both parties must be either unmarried or legally separated at the time of the conduct. Importantly, legal separation can only occur by court order.

Maximum Punishment

A service member convicted under Article 134 for extramarital sexual misconduct faces a maximum punishment of a dishonorable discharge, forfeiture of all pay and allowances, and confinement for 1 year.

www.militaryjusticeattorneys.com

Understanding Article 134, UCMJ - Extramarital Sexual Conduct - Military Justice Attorneys

People are often surprised to learn that extramarital sexual conduct, which includes “adultery”, is a crime in the military. While this military-specific offense might seem harmless enough to civilians, the military takes such conduct very seriously.
www.militaryjusticeattorneys.com
 
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guts216 said:
Is it legal to contact my ex-wife's partner to tell him she accused me of sexual assault during our divorce. She also told the woman I was with at the time that I was under investigation for sexual assault and I was investigated by the Air Force but was found innocent. I would like to return the favor and show him the text messages my ex-wife sent to that woman. I am somewhat aware of what constitutes defamation and harassment so I want to avoid saying any unnecessary insults that I don't have receipts to back them up.

Context:
My ex-wife wife also accused me of domestic battery, which I was ultimately convicted of. During that time (2+ years ago) she had a restraining order on me, which has since been dropped. But I have a video of her acknowledging that I was honest if court. And I would like to show that to him that as well.
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The best revenge is moving on and being happy. You'll never be happy trying to get even with her.
 
guts216 said:
Is it legal to contact my ex-wife's partner to tell him she accused me of sexual assault during our divorce.
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What makes you think that she hasn't told him already?

The only one that you will make look bad is yourself. Just because she accused you doesn't mean that she will accuse anyone else. Because, you know, maybe no one else has been as crappy to her as you.

guts216 said:
She also told the woman I was with at the time that I was under investigation for sexual assault and I was investigated by the Air Force but was found innocent. I would like to return the favor and show him the text messages my ex-wife sent to that woman.
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Vindictive POS much?

You are coming off as a creep.

Seriously, stay in your lane and mind your own business, dude.
 
Red Kayak said:
What makes you think that she hasn't told him already?

The only one that you will make look bad is yourself. Just because she accused you doesn't mean that she will accuse anyone else. Because, you know, maybe no one else has been as crappy to her as you.



Vindictive POS much?

You are coming off as a creep.

Seriously, stay in your lane and mind your own business, dude.
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I assumed I would get legal advice on this site. Guess I didn't expect isnults. So let me get this straight, I get cheated on, an object thrown at me because I asked for a divorce, provoked by a woman my size who was on steroids (body builder), I pushed her out of the room, WHICH I'M PAINFULLY AWARE I SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE, get convicted, then falsely accused of sexual assault, but I'm a creep cause I'm angry? I'm not sending her significant other a false claim. Just text receipts that she sent the woman I was with a false claim. Which by the way, the woman I was with was a special investigator in the Air Force who has actually been abused by someone. So, I got lucky she saw straight through my ex-wifes lies. Which is why she sent me those text screenshots. She stayed with me months after. The only reason we split was because I couldn't reenlist and had to go back home. And last point, in case you're under the impression that I'm the POS between me and the ex-wife, the judge said she didn't want to convict me. She had to take several days to get counsel because she didn't feel I deserved to lose my career over it. Judges words. But on technicality, it just wasn't considered self defense because I had the opportunity to walk away. So she postponed my conviction so I could at least finish my enlistment with an honorable discharge. But nonetheless, I can't reenlist. I'm just here asking if it's legal to text her partner the same way she message my partner?
 
I am NOT saying you are the bad guy in this, nor do I think that. I believe that you were likely given a raw deal. My advice to seek intensive therapy stands. Why do you want to keep this person in your life any longer than absolutely necessary? You are SO much better off with her not in your life. Therapy can help you see that and help you let go of her.

Yes, it can cause you trouble if you send the texts. I'm not going to say anything beyond that, because I'm sure you will argue that you should be able to send them, while I'm going to argue that you need to move on in life. The best revenge is a happy, successful life without her. Seek that out.
 
guts216 said:
Is it legal to contact my ex-wife's partner to tell him she accused me of sexual assault during our divorce.
Click to expand...

It's not illegal (i.e. not a crime) so long as you aren't subject to a restraining order that prohibits you from contacting your ex and the people she associates with. That does not mean that what you say won't hurt you. The statements you make may be considered defamatory, which could lead to a civil lawsuit in which you have to pay her or her partner money damages, perhaps a lot of money. Even if you successfully defend against the claim, you'll be out many thousands of dollars defending against the claim that you won't get back. Furthermore, you may damage your own reputation with others if they perceive you as seeking petty revenge.

As a result of my experience of watching others seek this kind of revenge I've come to the following conclusions about this sort of revenge:
(1) it rarely brings the satisfaction that you hope for;
(2) it can back fire and make things even worse for you;
(3) it can cause your reputation to suffer as some people who learn of your efforts at revenge see you as petty and vindictive rather than a champion righting some kind of wrong; and
(4) all the time you spend thinking about the ex and plotting revenge keeps you stuck in the past and prevents you from moving on to other, hopefully better, things in the future.

Your best revenge is to go on living a good life without her in it. Set your sights on the future and don't bother looking backwards at what happened in the past. You'll come out better off working to improve your future rather than wasting opportunities you have by instead spending time dwelling on your ex and dreaming up ways to hurt her and those around her. wrecking things for your ex.
 
Tax Counsel said:
I've never heard that phrase and to me it doesn't make any sense. What does it mean to "get under" someone?
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Best way to get over someone really is to get UNDER someone: New study on rebound relationships finds people who move on quickly are emotionally healthier

= University of Illinois and City University of New York study on rebounds

= Study found moving on quickly improved emotional state and relationship

= Researchers defined rebound as still having feelings for an ex partner

= People who moved-on felt better about themselves and 'got over it' faster

Despite the rhetoric about moving on too fast from a previous lover, a new study has found those who do move on quickly are emotionally better-off.

The study by researchers at City University of New York and the University of Illinois discovered people who entered into a rebound relationship, defined as a relationship where the individual still has romantic attachments to their ex-partner, are happier and have healthier relationships.

The findings also show people in new relationships were more confident and felt more attractive than those left trying to get over the heartbreak alone.

It has been previously thought to be healthier to not enter into a new relationship while still harbouring feelings for an ex, but the study effectively proves rebound relationships may be more psychologically beneficial than typically thought.

The study also proved that the quicker people move-on, not only are they personally happier, but they can also have happier relationships.

Very little psychological research has been carried out into the benefits of moving on quickly before, but in the two studies carried out by both universities, the people who had moved-on quickly were 'more confident in their desirability and had more resolution over their ex-partner'.

The study assessed the people's well-being, their feelings about their ex-partner, and whether they were seeing someone new.

Claudia Brumbaugh, Department of Psychology, Queens College, City University of New York, said: 'A "rebound relationship" is commonly understood as a relationship that is initiated shortly after a romantic breakup—before the feelings about the former relationship have been resolved.

'Little research has examined the consequences of quickly beginning new romantic relationships after another has ended. In two studies we examined people who experienced a breakup and assessed their well-being, their feelings about their ex-partner, and whether they were seeing someone new.

'Analyses indicated that people in new relationships were more confident in their desirability and had more resolution over their ex-partner.

'Among those in new relationships, the speed with which they began their relationship was associated with greater psychological and relational health. Overall, these findings suggest that rebound relationships may be more beneficial than typically believed.'

www.dailymail.co.uk

Best way to get over someone really is to get UNDER someone says study

Despite the rhetoric about moving on too fast from a previous lover, a new U.S. study has found those who do move on quickly are emotionally better-off.
www.dailymail.co.uk www.dailymail.co.uk

lifehacker.com

Can You Really Get Over Someone by Getting Under Someone?

If you associate sex with comfort, affection, stress relief, and connection, you may find that fulfilling sex can help you move on.
lifehacker.com lifehacker.com
 
justblue said:
lol... it means to "do the nasty". ;)
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I've seen a lot of people that split up with their partner and start a relationship with someone else who still carry the baggage around from the old relationship and can't get over it. It may be that finding a new partner earlier rather than later speeds up the process for some, but despite the studies ArmyJudge posted, I haven't seen that in any of the people I know.
 
I appreciate you guys giving inputs on breakups and rebounds, as well as getting therapy. But, this wasn't just about a breakup. I went through cheating, assault (she was charged but took a plea deal), divorce, a conviction, a false sexual assault allegation, and the loss of my career/purpose in one push. She not only attacked me first, but when I told her to get out she said "Make me. You won't do anything." I try to take accountability via acknowledging that I was weak for allowing her to provoke me. I've had months of therapy, but every day I work this unfulfilling job I care nothing about, I think about why. That said, between this website thread and reddit, I decided I won't reach out to her partner. Guess I'll just suck it up.
 
Tax Counsel said:
I've seen a lot of people that split up with their partner and start a relationship with someone else who still carry the baggage around from the old relationship and can't get over it. It may be that finding a new partner earlier rather than later speeds up the process for some, but despite the studies ArmyJudge posted, I haven't seen that in any of the people I know.
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Pics or it didn't happen
 
WARNING, THE ATTACHED LINK MIGHT BE OFFENSIVE TO HUMANS POSSESSED WITH DELICATE SENSIBILITIES!!!

Don't click the link if you are easily offended!!!

If you throw caution to the wind, proceed, MIGHTY BOLD ONE!!!!


Top 47 Slang For Fucking – Meaning & Usage

Let's dive into the world of slang for fucking. We know, it's a topic that might make some blush, but hey, we're all adults here. From the classic to the creative, we've rounded up the
fluentslang.com fluentslang.com
 
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