Contesting custody against biological father

[PattyCake89]

I don't know really where to start. My daughter is 18 months old. When my daughter was four months old I split up and moved out of her fathers house. I let him see her one to two days a weekend. And he paid me 20$ a week. He had no problem with just seeing her that amount of time. But did with payin the 20$ a week. I tried to get him to understand over and over that 20$ didn't even cover diapers. So I ended up filing for child support through ocse. Months went by and finally I got a child support hearing date. When to the court house and everything to find out he had a lawyer and he asked for a continuance. The day after I was served at work. He wanted full standard visitation, change her last name to his, keep me from moving in a 200 mile radius, and for me to pay his lawyer fees and court cost! I honestly don't believe he is fit enough to have anything but reasonable visitation. He has a son and has full custody. Only because his mother didn't care for him. Well I'm nothing like that. I wish I could have rights to that poor boy. But I know I can't. But I know he's not even living with his father. His grandparents keep him on the weekdays. His grandparents are also felonys. I don't know if this will help my case or not. But I know last weekend when he had my daughter he had his girlfriend stay over night also. He's brother is living with him who has child endangerment charges where he had pled no contest and was found guilty. When my daughter was in the hospital for 3 days with pneumonia this December he didn't bother to visit her once. I also wasn't approved for Medicaid with his income while I was pregnant and I now have over 600$ in medical bills. I've paid over 8000$.
He works 6 days a week I don't see the point in him getting her on the days he has to work, I know he'll let someone in his family babysit her and everyone has been to either prison or jail for drugs and harming or endangering a child, but him. I really dont want her name changed im the one that takes her to doctors appointments and everything. Do I have a case? or do I have a chance?
I only work 32 hours a week and make 9$/hr. He works over 40 hours and make 13$/hr. I really don't have money for a lawyer. He knows this.

 

[army judge]

I suggest you do everything possible to hire a lawyer.


Yes, you have a very good chance of retaining custody.

He'll get expanded visitation, and it's a toss up with the name change.

If you can't afford a lawyer, you haven't any choice but to do the best you can. If that's the way it ends up, stick only to the facts. The stuff about him and some other hussy staying overnight, irrelevant. Don't even touch that or any gossip.

Your best approach, without a lawyer, convince the court what a GREAT mom you are, how much you love your kid, what you do to make your kid better, how you protect her, love her, care for her, feed her, the special things ONLY an involved parent would know about their kid (funny laugh, goofy faces she makes, no crust on her sandwiches, etc.). Stay positive, don't knock him, praise yourself and your great kid. Get three or four relatives or friends to come to court and testify as your character witnesses.
They'll be people who have seen you mothering kiddo, they'll tell the court what a great mom you are and how anyone can see you love your kid!!!

Whatever you do, stay away from bad mouthing him, and commenting about his bad character.

Sent from my iPad3 using Tapatalk HD

 

[Proserpina]

Absolutely excellent advice from AJ there.

It is, quite literally, CRITICAL that you do NOT sling mud at Dad. Not only will your hands be dirty themselves, but the court is going to expect you to do so. So walking into the court room with a reasonable and calm attitude, no sense of indignation, no intentions of badmouthing him, will just make the Judge/Commissioner/Whoever deals with the cases where you are think "Gosh - a reasonable parent. What a lovely surprise! I'll actually listen to HER!".

Trust me.

Please, trust me here.

As an aside, nothing you've mentioned Mom rises to the level of Dad being unfit or unsafe to be around your mutual child. Same for his family. You would likely be surprised (and probably a little depressed - I know I was) to discover how low the acceptable standard of parenting is. Unless you can prove to the court (and I mean proof - not allegations, not hearsay, but actual evidence) that the child will be put into a dangerous situation, whatever it is you want to mention likely isn't worth mentioning at all.


And the added bonus here? (This was an afterthought). There's a better-than-fair chance that whoever decides your case is going to be the same person you see in the future if things change. Make a good impression now, and it will last. It really, really will.

 

[Proserpina]

Oh - and he's not going to get primary custody. Just not going to happen unless there's something seriously wrong with your current situation. Let that fear go. Relax!