Custody question; domestic violence

[Jennifer S]

Jurisdiction

Maryland

Hello, I am a 43 year old mother of a 3 year old, unmarried and currently
living with my son and his father in Harford County, Maryland. During the the
past 4 years, my son's father has been progressively more and more verbally and emotionally abusive to both my son and I. He also smokes marijuana on a daily basis. He works
part time and on-call, and is lucky to get 4 or 5 days of work a month.
He's not actively searching for other employment. It has been established
by a couples counselor that D (I'll refer to my son's father as
"D" from here on) has anger issues. He curses at my son and I
every single day. He breaks things around the house, kicks objects. D smokes marijuana in the car when my son and I are both in the car, even though I beg him to stop. (It is my only means of transportation, to doctor appointments, etc.) He buys and
sells it as well. The household vehicle is completely in my name (title,
registration, insurance), but D won't let me drive it, saying since he put
all the money into it, it's "his" truck. Last year D made less
than $4000 for the year; we constantly borrow money from our parents, and
we owe them thousands of dollars. We live in Section 8 housing with no
rent, get food stamps and medical assistance. I think he likes these
benefits and that is why he won't seek more employment.

I want to take my son and myself to New Jersey, my home state, where all
my family is. I want to lead a peaceful life with my son. I have a job
waiting for me in NJ, the same one I left to move to Maryland for D in
2011. It will pay $13 an hour, full-time year round. I am terrified that D
will try to take me to court for physical custody of our son, and I fear
that living with D would be a dangerous environment for my son. I do
everything for my son since he was born - feeding him, bathing him,
teaching him, spending all my time with him. I have to beg D to just give
him a bath, and he still complains that I ask too much of him. I have not
made any protective orders against D because I am so scared. He told me
several times that if he ever gets sent to jail or has any legal problems
because of me, that once he is free, he will "Ruin my life."
I believe that he would, whether it be taking our son away or hurting me
physically.

My question is how good do you think my chances are of winning physical
custody of my son and being able to take him to NJ with me? Would D's
record affect his chances? I am scared to make a move with this situation
before I know all my rights and possibilities. I don't want to do anything
to jeopardize my chances of getting my son and I to a peaceful life. I
don't expect child support from D, but I want him to help with good quality
child care for our son while I am working.

I understand that if I leave and take my son to NJ, D will immediately file a complaint to get him back to MD. I don't want to have to move my son back and forth between the states like that. How do I get the court to approve me to take him to NJ in the first place?

 

[army judge]

An unmarried male, deadbeat, bum has NO parental rights, unless and until he goes to court to establish paternity via DNA testing.

D is a bum.
He's a very lazy, deadbeat, bum.

You are FREE to take YOUR child anywhere.
All of the custody rights are vested in the mother of a child born outside of wedlock.

Go to New Jersey, get that job, live your life.


The bum, D, won't bother filing a lawsuit.



Why?

You said it, he's a lazy, good for nothing, bum.

Plus, he won't waste his pennies pursuing a kid.

Stop living in fear, set yourself FREE.

YOU are the BOSS of YOU and your kid!!!!

The deadbeat, bum, bully would rather get government handouts than work.

The deadbeat has no interest in you, or the kid, except to get FREE gubmint bennies.

When you and the kid leave, those government benefits will end.

But, that's not your problem.

You and your kid will be safe.

The bum will continue to be a bum and a POTHEAD.

POTHEADS don't want babies, or responsibility.

POTHEADS just want and crave DOPE.

Good luck to you, and remember, you don't need a bum to drag you down.

 

[Jennifer S]

Thank you! I appreciate your help and kind words.

 

[ElleMD]

I posted a reply to this yesterday and have no idea where it went. Long story short, you have full legal custody of your child and the car is 100% yours. It doesn't matter one bit what he paid to fix or maintain it. If this guy has not filed with the court to establish paternity, and been granted paternity, he can't do squat as far as getting custody. He would have to do that first. Then, after he pays the court costs for that and for the DNA test, he could file separately for visitation/custody. You have the right to contest this. I doubt he will bother and is likely using it as a way to control you. No one can guarantee what a judge will do but in Harford County, the odds are very much in your favor. Of course if you actually get a court summons, you should contact a lawyer. Start here SARC | Protecting Victims, Survivors, Domestic Violence, Sexual Violence, Stalking & Child Abuse. They are in Bel Air and you should contact them now.

Pack up your kid, take YOUR car, and head on up 95.

 

[Jennifer S]

I posted a reply to this yesterday and have no idea where it went. Long story short, you have full legal custody of your child and the car is 100% yours. It doesn't matter one bit what he paid to fix or maintain it. If this guy has not filed with the court to establish paternity, and been granted paternity, he can't do squat as far as getting custody. He would have to do that first. Then, after he pays the court costs for that and for the DNA test, he could file separately for visitation/custody. You have the right to contest this. I doubt he will bother and is likely using it as a way to control you. No one can guarantee what a judge will do but in Harford County, the odds are very much in your favor. Of course if you actually get a court summons, you should contact a lawyer. Start here SARC | Protecting Victims, Survivors, Domestic Violence, Sexual Violence, Stalking & Child Abuse. They are in Bel Air and you should contact them now.

Pack up your kid, take YOUR car, and head on up 95.

ElleMD, thank you so very much for the kind and positive words. I don't know where your other post went, either, but I did read it and I replied to it as well. Anyway, I have been in touch with SARC, they are a wonderful organization.

I have begun discussing my situation with a lawyer, but had to cut the consult short because my partner showed up (it was a phone consult; I called around and it seems not many family law lawyers will even do a phone interview, but this one kindly does). I don't know how much he charges, but I am able to borrow the money from family, thank God and my family. Also the director where my son goes to Head Start is trying to get a SARC representative in just to see me; the director has been so incredibly helpful. I would be able to speak to them face-to-face and tell my partner that I'm there talking about a fund raiser for Head Start or something like that. She's completely on my side keeping it hush-hush from my son's father. I don't like to lie to anyone, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do for your children. They are the most important part of this entire situation.

Again, thank you ElleMD. You have given me some hope that I desperately needed.

 

[ElleMD]

I think what happened is that I responded to your post on another forum. In that forum, I also posted legal resources you might find helpful. Many attorneys will not do phone consults as they are time consuming and often lead nowhere. There are places that can help. Just in case you can't check that site, here is what I posted there.

As far as legal representation, the Legal Aid office can help. There is one in Bel Air as well. http://www.mdlab.org/contact Also, UB has a law clinic; the Bronfein Family Law Clinic, as does UMB. http://www.law.umary...ce/request.html. I am glad you have reached out to SARC. They can also point you in the direction of competent family law attorneys. I no longer know any personally, in Harford.

 

[Jennifer S]

I think what happened is that I responded to your post on another forum. In that forum, I also posted legal resources you might find helpful. Many attorneys will not do phone consults as they are time consuming and often lead nowhere. There are places that can help. Just in case you can't check that site, here is what I posted there.

As far as legal representation, the Legal Aid office can help. There is one in Bel Air as well. http://www.mdlab.org/contact Also, UB has a law clinic; the Bronfein Family Law Clinic, as does UMB. http://www.law.umary...ce/request.html. I am glad you have reached out to SARC. They can also point you in the direction of competent family law attorneys. I no longer know any personally, in Harford.

Thank you ElleMD, I will most definitely look into those resources.