Before I can get to what my problem is, I guess I have to bore you with some the gory details behind the relationship. It is embarassing to me, but I think necessary to get it all out in order to get the response I'm looking for. My ex-boyfriend (the father of my child) and I got together when I was 15 (I got pregnant when I was 20 - I am now 26), so please excuse me for the idiotic choice of such a fine specimen to breed with. With that out of the way, let's get started. We broke up before I knew I was pregnant. When I told him a few weeks later that I was pregnant, he told me that I was a "fat, lazy whore", that it wasn't his, and that I should just abort it. He had been the only person I'd ever been sexually involved with. Needless to say, I didn't have anything to do with him during my pregnancy, not just because of what he said, but because he got heavily involved in drugs, mainly: heroin. When my son was born, I didn't put his "father" on the birth certificate. When my son was a few months old, I filed for sole phsyical/sole legal custody, no visitations. It was uncontested, and I got it.
Through the years (my son will be 5 in 2 weeks), I've wanted my son to get to know his dad. I started to feel guilty, and feeling as if I was being selfish in not having him know his dad. I'd kept in sort-of contact with him the whole time, and he even came to see my son a few times (as my "friend", he didn't know it was his "dad"). "Dad" told me that he was sober, working, and wanted to be a part of my son's life (he was about to turn 4 at this point). I thought that it would be a good thing for me to do, to let him know his dad. To build a relationship, because I thought that my keeping him away from his dad was selfish, and only caring about what my own personal (negative) feelings for his dad were. We went and added him to my son's birth certificate. I let his dad come around for about 5 months, until he started using drugs again, and sucking me dry of money and resources to take care of my child. He thrashed my apartment, was carving his arm up, so I took my so to my mom's house, went to work, came home (my son was still at my mom's house), and was going to take him to the hospital. Well, he got a little pushy with me, and I called his mom to find out what I should do. She suggested I call the cops on him, that they have a unit that will come take him to the looney bin, and that she didn't want me in the car with him by myself. He was in the hospital for a few months after that. He has come to see my son once, since he got out of the hospital. That was some time last year. He has a long history of mental health issues, and drug abuse. I always tried to look for the positive things in him, and relay them to my son. The door has always been slightly open, but tightly shut when the father is having mental or drug related issues. As it should be.
Just recently, "dad" was again admitted to a mental health institution (yet again). He got out (a few days ago), and decided he was going to threaten to take me to court to get visitations, because he "needs his son". I do not believe that a child should bear the responsibility of making an adult who has chosen their life path happy. But, I guess what I think on that issue doesn't matter.
My question is, in letting him come around, did I in turn, screw myself, and make the "no visitation" ruling void? Also, due to the fact that the case from the get go was uncontested, does that mean that "dad" has no parental rights, or do they have to be phsyically signed away?
I do not believe that my child should be in the care of this "man". Though, he is not planning on filing for custody (or so he says), I still would never leave my child alone with him. I actually laughed at him when he suggested my son come stay with him over night some time. Not to mention, he lives in a skeezy motel, in a run-down, drug riddled part of town. He pays no child support, as he is on SSI, and I was told he cannot be made to pay child support. They even closed my child support case. It's not like I want it anyway. The few times that he has given me money when I needed some help, it was like having to pull teeth. If you add up the amount of time he has actually spent with my son, it is probably about six months total, in five years. He thinks he can come and go as it is convenient for him, and I told him that he would not be allowed to do that to my child (his biological father did that to him, and he claims it's messed him up). I have had the door shut to him for at least six or seven months now. He isn't well mentally, and I have been told that he is using drugs again. He claims to be "doing better" and sober now, but he's lied about it before.
If he decides to actually follow through with this, I have a feeling he will never serve me with the papers. Will the court notify me themselves, if he files papers against me? And.. being that I have sole physical and sole legal custody, can I stipulate the terms of visitations? For instance, if I have to let him have visitations, I'd prefer that he have supervised visits at my parents' home, and drug testing prior to visitations. I'd rather there be no visitations at all. I'm looking to keep my child from being dragged through something that he completely doesn't deserve, just because his "dad" decided that I'm a no good human being for trying to raise him right.
I know this is long, and probably repetitive.. but I'm so upset over this, I don't know what to do. I don't have the means to hire a lawyer, and I don't qualify for free legal aid because according to them, I make too much. They don't seem to take into account bills I have to pay, just what's on my pay check. Any suggestions/help is appreciated. Thank you.
Through the years (my son will be 5 in 2 weeks), I've wanted my son to get to know his dad. I started to feel guilty, and feeling as if I was being selfish in not having him know his dad. I'd kept in sort-of contact with him the whole time, and he even came to see my son a few times (as my "friend", he didn't know it was his "dad"). "Dad" told me that he was sober, working, and wanted to be a part of my son's life (he was about to turn 4 at this point). I thought that it would be a good thing for me to do, to let him know his dad. To build a relationship, because I thought that my keeping him away from his dad was selfish, and only caring about what my own personal (negative) feelings for his dad were. We went and added him to my son's birth certificate. I let his dad come around for about 5 months, until he started using drugs again, and sucking me dry of money and resources to take care of my child. He thrashed my apartment, was carving his arm up, so I took my so to my mom's house, went to work, came home (my son was still at my mom's house), and was going to take him to the hospital. Well, he got a little pushy with me, and I called his mom to find out what I should do. She suggested I call the cops on him, that they have a unit that will come take him to the looney bin, and that she didn't want me in the car with him by myself. He was in the hospital for a few months after that. He has come to see my son once, since he got out of the hospital. That was some time last year. He has a long history of mental health issues, and drug abuse. I always tried to look for the positive things in him, and relay them to my son. The door has always been slightly open, but tightly shut when the father is having mental or drug related issues. As it should be.
Just recently, "dad" was again admitted to a mental health institution (yet again). He got out (a few days ago), and decided he was going to threaten to take me to court to get visitations, because he "needs his son". I do not believe that a child should bear the responsibility of making an adult who has chosen their life path happy. But, I guess what I think on that issue doesn't matter.
My question is, in letting him come around, did I in turn, screw myself, and make the "no visitation" ruling void? Also, due to the fact that the case from the get go was uncontested, does that mean that "dad" has no parental rights, or do they have to be phsyically signed away?
I do not believe that my child should be in the care of this "man". Though, he is not planning on filing for custody (or so he says), I still would never leave my child alone with him. I actually laughed at him when he suggested my son come stay with him over night some time. Not to mention, he lives in a skeezy motel, in a run-down, drug riddled part of town. He pays no child support, as he is on SSI, and I was told he cannot be made to pay child support. They even closed my child support case. It's not like I want it anyway. The few times that he has given me money when I needed some help, it was like having to pull teeth. If you add up the amount of time he has actually spent with my son, it is probably about six months total, in five years. He thinks he can come and go as it is convenient for him, and I told him that he would not be allowed to do that to my child (his biological father did that to him, and he claims it's messed him up). I have had the door shut to him for at least six or seven months now. He isn't well mentally, and I have been told that he is using drugs again. He claims to be "doing better" and sober now, but he's lied about it before.
If he decides to actually follow through with this, I have a feeling he will never serve me with the papers. Will the court notify me themselves, if he files papers against me? And.. being that I have sole physical and sole legal custody, can I stipulate the terms of visitations? For instance, if I have to let him have visitations, I'd prefer that he have supervised visits at my parents' home, and drug testing prior to visitations. I'd rather there be no visitations at all. I'm looking to keep my child from being dragged through something that he completely doesn't deserve, just because his "dad" decided that I'm a no good human being for trying to raise him right.
I know this is long, and probably repetitive.. but I'm so upset over this, I don't know what to do. I don't have the means to hire a lawyer, and I don't qualify for free legal aid because according to them, I make too much. They don't seem to take into account bills I have to pay, just what's on my pay check. Any suggestions/help is appreciated. Thank you.
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