Don't know what to do? Please help...

[Lostdad]

I am a Father of one amazing daughter,She is 4 years old. Unfortunately she was born to my now ex-wife while I was serving a federal prison sentence for drug trafficking. I have been incarcerated for most of her life. But she would come visit me every other weekend since birth, either with her mom or my family. My wife and I split up after she confessed to being unfaithful while I was incarcerated. I know I am not going to get any sympathy from anyone on here. I am merely seeking advice, because I don't know what to do. I am now doing things right, I own my own business, pay my child support, ballet, and swim lessons. I have joint managing custody of my daughter. I know I can finically support her better and give her more opportunities in life than her mother can. My family wants me to go after full custody, because we can't seem to get along. I am sure with my Attorneys and means it is quite possible. But is there a more civil way to go about things other than getting police and courts involved. I really don't want to take her from her mother. She is a good mom but has bad judgment and if she doesn't get her way she gets a little crazy. I am getting to the point of giving up on my daughter because of the relationship her mother and I have. I don't know what to do? I am at the point where she needs to give her to me or staying away from my daughter and only paying the court order support. Any advice from a non biased person would be helpful. Thank you in advance.

 

[army judge]

That's a very personal choice that ONLY you can make.
Many people make that choice, and if it works for them, I don't criticize it.
Others fight, argue, and one day someone gets hurt, or ends up dead.
If you ONLY avoid that outcome by simply paying support and staying away from the child, in my view its worth it.
But, only you know you.
So, it's a very personal choice.
Have you investigated visiting by Skype or online meeting?
People do many variations in that theme, but you're onto something by avoiding the adult.
If I were in that boat, I'd think about it, because I wouldn't want to return to jail or prison because the other person was being stupid.
I wish you well.

 

[Lostdad]

Thank you for time and input I really appreciate it.

 

[Proserpina]

I am a Father of one amazing daughter,She is 4 years old. Unfortunately she was born to my now ex-wife while I was serving a federal prison sentence for drug trafficking. I have been incarcerated for most of her life. But she would come visit me every other weekend since birth, either with her mom or my family. My wife and I split up after she confessed to being unfaithful while I was incarcerated. I know I am not going to get any sympathy from anyone on here. I am merely seeking advice, because I don't know what to do. I am now doing things right, I own my own business, pay my child support, ballet, and swim lessons. I have joint managing custody of my daughter. I know I can finically support her better and give her more opportunities in life than her mother can. My family wants me to go after full custody, because we can't seem to get along. I am sure with my Attorneys and means it is quite possible. But is there a more civil way to go about things other than getting police and courts involved. I really don't want to take her from her mother. She is a good mom but has bad judgment and if she doesn't get her way she gets a little crazy. I am getting to the point of giving up on my daughter because of the relationship her mother and I have. I don't know what to do? I am at the point where she needs to give her to me or staying away from my daughter and only paying the court order support. Any advice from a non biased person would be helpful. Thank you in advance.

I've got a different take on this.

You're not getting custody of this child unless Mom seriously messes up. I'd also refrain from commenting about Mom's bad judgment if I were you - Mom doesn't appear to be one with a felony trafficking record. It's also just a bit crass that you're assuming attorneys and money will save the day. You're dead wrong.

I realize this sounds harsh, but I'd rather you know what you're up against before you throw money down the drain. Mom is her primary caregiver, and to change that requires a two-pronged process.

1. You have to have a major change of circumstances affecting the child. You having more money is not even going to be a factor (in fact, it cannot be a factor, legally speaking).

2. If you have that CoC, next you must show why it would be in the child's best interests to have custody modified.

So...what do you have?

 

[Lostdad]

I understand your point like I said I am not seeking sympathy or empathy from anyone just advice. I am assuming you are an attorney, so you know I have joint managing conservatorship. When it comes to her judgment she tends to stray from the standard possession order. Which is a class C misdemeanor but to me is more of an annoyance than anything. Still parties too much like we used to. As for my judgment and my federal trafficking record. I knew exactly what I was doing when I was doing it. So it was no judgment error at all I knew it was illegal and I knew that I faced a minimum mandatory of 5-40 when I was involved. I served my sentence and am no longer involved in those things. As far as money it comes and goes. I don't believe that I would be throwing it away I am just trying to make the best of a bad situation. You and I both know if I start making a record of this, that, and the other with a Great Family Attorney and some money. The court would give her to me. My conviction came up in my divorce and the court ruled it was best for her to have a relationship with her father. I know the judge in my family case wouldn't like to hear that his orders are being disobeyed. I don't want to go that route. Regardless thank you for your honest opinion and your time. You should see past the felony record.

 

[Betty3]

I'm still not so sure a great attorney & money will get you the child. That isn't the way it works.

 

[Proserpina]

I understand your point like I said I am not seeking sympathy or empathy from anyone just advice. I am assuming you are an attorney, so you know I have joint managing conservatorship. When it comes to her judgment she tends to stray from the standard possession order. Which is a class C misdemeanor but to me is more of an annoyance than anything. Still parties too much like we used to. As for my judgment and my federal trafficking record. I knew exactly what I was doing when I was doing it. So it was no judgment error at all I knew it was illegal and I knew that I faced a minimum mandatory of 5-40 when I was involved. I served my sentence and am no longer involved in those things. As far as money it comes and goes. I don't believe that I would be throwing it away I am just trying to make the best of a bad situation. You and I both know if I start making a record of this, that, and the other with a Great Family Attorney and some money. The court would give her to me. My conviction came up in my divorce and the court ruled it was best for her to have a relationship with her father. I know the judge in my family case wouldn't like to hear that his orders are being disobeyed. I don't want to go that route. Regardless thank you for your honest opinion and your time. You should see past the felony record.

Again though - you need to do 1) and then 2).

Nothing you've said here would indicate there's a reason to change the current status quo.

And trust me - money and a great attorney don't trump what the court actually wants to see. What you've got to understand Dad, is that you're not on equal footing at this point. All else being even, you might have had a shot at a 50/50 timeshare. But now? Not so much.

What I know about making notes of this, that and the other is that the courts get very testy, very quickly, if they have to read three binders' worth of garbage. If Mom goes against the court order, you file contempt. If the child is at risk, you contact the appropriate authorities. What you don't do is build up the family law equivalent of a small arsenal.

I'm going to put something a different way, too. You say that Mom has a lack of good judgment, but that you don't - you were perfectly aware of what you were doing. For the love of all that's good and holy, don't ever utter that out loud in family court. You know why? Because the judge is going to think, "Hmmm...that's actually even worse than what he's accusing Mom of doing. He knew better and did it anyway!".