libitina123
New Member
My son entered kindergarten this Fall. There is a modified restraining order which allows his father visitation two days a week between the hours of 4-8:30 p.m. and every other weekend Fridays from 6:30 p.m. until Sunday at 6:30 p.m. The divorce was final in February 2008. He and I both signed and agreed to the terms which is shared custody allowing him the right to gain access to records at school, documentation, contact with teacher, etc.
As the retraining order reads, the principal of the school checked with the police to make sure the school understood and was in compliance with the R.O. So, school is from 8:40 a.m. until 3:05 p.m. Therefore, he is not allowed on the premises.
The day before school, he showed up and walked into the orientation at 10 a.m. in the morning. He then called and told me he was going to pick up our son for his first day and walk him to school and have lunch with him at school. This was a Thursday. When I suggested that he review his agreement and the restraining order, he threatened I had better drop the restraining order or he would make life miserable. Well true to his word the following series of events happened and it took me out of work for almost three days trying to protect my son's and my privacy and safety.
His girlfriend's sister is a teacher at the school. There is an older woman he knows from the bar he frequents who works for the bus company. There is a boy in my son's class whose mother is best friends with the girlfriend. He has been asking these individuals to give him information. I have had three discussions with the principal regarding privacy and rights. She agreed she would talk to the teacher (the girlfriend's sister) and check with the school bus supervisor. The principal reported back to me that she reminded her staff about confidentiality. She informed my son's teacher as well that no information was to be given to anyone outside of the classroom about my son. The bus driver was questioned and we learned that my ex-husband had instructed her to keep her "eyes and ears open" about my son. The bus driver approached my son on the first day of school directly and did not speak to me at all or introduce herself. At the time I had no idea who she was and my son became afraid and would not go into the classroom. When I asked him, "Gee honey, it's nice that someone knows you at the school, who is it?" My son replied, "Mommy I do not know who she is and I am scared of her." The R.O. has a checked box which clearly states that no one is to interfere with the order.
Of course there is nothing anyone can do about other factors like the mother of the boy, but is there any peace we can modulate in this situation?
For the past week, he has called and claimed he has received emails from the teacher that my son has been late to school and that he had a melt down in the hall corridor of the school and he has the right to go to the school. My son was late once because we had a doctor's appointment. My ex also stated that he and the teacher "talk" everyday and that he is "concerned" about these "incidents" and should be allowed in the school. When the principal checked with my son's teacher, she confirmed there has been NO communication with my son's teacher and then suggested I think before I "accuse" which was not what I did. I voiced my concern and asked if we could discuss a working plan to handle this delicate situation because this was the third time since school started that there had been a problem.
Subsequently, the R.O. hearing was last week and based on the threat, I felt unsafe, so I asked the courts to extend it and they did for another year. My ex-husband upon hearing this walked out of the court before being served as he shouted obscenities towards me. The judge asked the bailiff to escort me to the clerk's office. As we approached the clerk's office, my ex-husband came back into the building and he was told to sit in another area and wait to be served.
That very same evening, upon driving up to my home after picking my son up from afterschool care, a motorcycle drove up to my house and slowly circled several times in front of my son and me at the driveway. My street is a neighborhood street which never has motocycles driving down the street. The man on the bike glared at me menacingly. It made me shake because my ex-husband used to have many people drive by the house at night and try to peer through the windows to see if we were home and if we were...the phone would start ringing every 5 minutes from him.
The very next day he called several times...every five minutes...and left messages noting he was going to make life miserable and take me back to court to gain access to the school.
There is a documented and verified history of domestic violence. He is on probation and has been on regular drug and alcohol testing as he was selling drugs out of the basement of our house before we separated. Prior to the divorce, there was restricted visitation due to the violence against me and subsequently, in 2006, he hit my son on the head and we spent the night in the emergency room. My son spoke to his therapist and told her his father hit him. Because she is a first responder, she notified DSS. DSS came, but my son was afraid of the woman and would not talk so they rendered no finding and my ex- got unrestricted visitation thereafter.
It seems when he is unemployed that he is most active and agitated and he never stays in a job for more than two weeks before he is laid off. He is an ironworker in a local union and his brother is on the Board of Examiners so he always gets "laid off" instead of fired.
I don't know what to do at this point because the school can only abide by the letter of the law. I went to the detective at the police station to voice my concern last Friday. He said he wanted to question the bus driver to find out if my ex-husband instructed her to make contact with my son for the purpose of gaining information other than what is allowed by law (i.e. school records, etc.)
Any advice? Is there anything else I can do short of moving my son to another school district? Our life is not our own to start anew.
As the retraining order reads, the principal of the school checked with the police to make sure the school understood and was in compliance with the R.O. So, school is from 8:40 a.m. until 3:05 p.m. Therefore, he is not allowed on the premises.
The day before school, he showed up and walked into the orientation at 10 a.m. in the morning. He then called and told me he was going to pick up our son for his first day and walk him to school and have lunch with him at school. This was a Thursday. When I suggested that he review his agreement and the restraining order, he threatened I had better drop the restraining order or he would make life miserable. Well true to his word the following series of events happened and it took me out of work for almost three days trying to protect my son's and my privacy and safety.
His girlfriend's sister is a teacher at the school. There is an older woman he knows from the bar he frequents who works for the bus company. There is a boy in my son's class whose mother is best friends with the girlfriend. He has been asking these individuals to give him information. I have had three discussions with the principal regarding privacy and rights. She agreed she would talk to the teacher (the girlfriend's sister) and check with the school bus supervisor. The principal reported back to me that she reminded her staff about confidentiality. She informed my son's teacher as well that no information was to be given to anyone outside of the classroom about my son. The bus driver was questioned and we learned that my ex-husband had instructed her to keep her "eyes and ears open" about my son. The bus driver approached my son on the first day of school directly and did not speak to me at all or introduce herself. At the time I had no idea who she was and my son became afraid and would not go into the classroom. When I asked him, "Gee honey, it's nice that someone knows you at the school, who is it?" My son replied, "Mommy I do not know who she is and I am scared of her." The R.O. has a checked box which clearly states that no one is to interfere with the order.
Of course there is nothing anyone can do about other factors like the mother of the boy, but is there any peace we can modulate in this situation?
For the past week, he has called and claimed he has received emails from the teacher that my son has been late to school and that he had a melt down in the hall corridor of the school and he has the right to go to the school. My son was late once because we had a doctor's appointment. My ex also stated that he and the teacher "talk" everyday and that he is "concerned" about these "incidents" and should be allowed in the school. When the principal checked with my son's teacher, she confirmed there has been NO communication with my son's teacher and then suggested I think before I "accuse" which was not what I did. I voiced my concern and asked if we could discuss a working plan to handle this delicate situation because this was the third time since school started that there had been a problem.
Subsequently, the R.O. hearing was last week and based on the threat, I felt unsafe, so I asked the courts to extend it and they did for another year. My ex-husband upon hearing this walked out of the court before being served as he shouted obscenities towards me. The judge asked the bailiff to escort me to the clerk's office. As we approached the clerk's office, my ex-husband came back into the building and he was told to sit in another area and wait to be served.
That very same evening, upon driving up to my home after picking my son up from afterschool care, a motorcycle drove up to my house and slowly circled several times in front of my son and me at the driveway. My street is a neighborhood street which never has motocycles driving down the street. The man on the bike glared at me menacingly. It made me shake because my ex-husband used to have many people drive by the house at night and try to peer through the windows to see if we were home and if we were...the phone would start ringing every 5 minutes from him.
The very next day he called several times...every five minutes...and left messages noting he was going to make life miserable and take me back to court to gain access to the school.
There is a documented and verified history of domestic violence. He is on probation and has been on regular drug and alcohol testing as he was selling drugs out of the basement of our house before we separated. Prior to the divorce, there was restricted visitation due to the violence against me and subsequently, in 2006, he hit my son on the head and we spent the night in the emergency room. My son spoke to his therapist and told her his father hit him. Because she is a first responder, she notified DSS. DSS came, but my son was afraid of the woman and would not talk so they rendered no finding and my ex- got unrestricted visitation thereafter.
It seems when he is unemployed that he is most active and agitated and he never stays in a job for more than two weeks before he is laid off. He is an ironworker in a local union and his brother is on the Board of Examiners so he always gets "laid off" instead of fired.
I don't know what to do at this point because the school can only abide by the letter of the law. I went to the detective at the police station to voice my concern last Friday. He said he wanted to question the bus driver to find out if my ex-husband instructed her to make contact with my son for the purpose of gaining information other than what is allowed by law (i.e. school records, etc.)
Any advice? Is there anything else I can do short of moving my son to another school district? Our life is not our own to start anew.
