ex husband wants to see daughters after not seeing them for about 8 years

[pooh23442]

I am new here and don't know where to turn.my exhusband has been out of our daughters lives for about 8 years.he has contacted me via face book and now he wants back in there lives.they are 17,7 days from being 16,and 14 years old.I told him if he is that serious about seeing them he has to file the papers to go to court because I want everything legalized by a judge.he said he doesnt want to do the whole court thing but I have to do what is best for our girls.when they were younger and he was getting visitation he threatend to take them out of state and I would never see them again.so for me to feel safe and secure I have to go infront of a judge and get papers signed by him.I told him if he does end up getting kind of visitation I will be asking the judge for supervised for the first couple of monthes since it has been a very long time since he has seen them.he doesnt think its fair but its the way I want it so our girls can get used to and be comfortable being around him again.I asked the girls if they wanted to see/talk to him and our 17 year old has been talking to him via face book but is not sure if she wants to see him,our 15 year old does not want anything to do with him.she said it has been 8 years since he's seen us whats the point now.and our 14 year old is so confused by the situation she dont know what to do.They do have a male figure that they look up to as a dad.Me and my fiance have been together for 6 years and he loves them like they are his own daughters.I just dont want there father coming into there lives for a lil bit and than deciding to step out of there lives again and than trying to come back into it a few years later.It just wont be fair to them.I just dont know which way to turn at this point.I need some advice on which way to turn and what I can expect if we end up in court.

 

[disagreeable]

It is not fair to them for you to withhold seeing their father. You conveniently forget about that right? I suggest you allow to him visit at your home a few times and see how it goes.

 

[mightymoose]

Without a visitation order you aren't required to do anything. Is there a previous order from 8 years ago?
I don't think you will have much luck demanding supervised visits, though initial visits may be short.

 

[pooh23442]

there was a court order but than we had to go back to court for visitation he decided not to show up,so the judge took his visitation rights away.the only reason I wanted supervised at first is because he hasnt seen them in about 8 years and I want them to get used to being around him again.I am not with holding them from seeing him.I just want to go infront of a judge and get everything legalized.I dont think that is such a bad thing.I am just trying to protect my girls.I have to do everything in my power to protect them.he as put these girls threw a lot of crap through the years and I dont want them going through anymore.so at leaste if its in black and white and signed by a judge he has to go by it or we can go back to court and all visits will get stopped.

 

[shrinkmaster]

Whatever is current court order is what needs to happen. If Judge denied any visitation n last order than that is what you do until you or other parent seek modification

 

[mightymoose]

I don't know about Virginia, but around here in this sort of circumstance the absent parent goes through a repatriation process with the kids. The initial visits are short and guided in a controlled location so they can get to know each other again. The visits become progressively longer with less guidance depending on how they interact.

 

[army judge]

Usually, past practices become patterns. He'll feign interest for a couple days or weeks, and eventually retreat back to his old ways. The less of a fuss you make, the quicker he'll disappear. Getting a court order sent a bad idea. Court orders make it easier for everyone.


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