Ex spouse harassing children

[Betterlife]

My ex is being prosecuted for felony aggravated harassment of me and felony criminal treaspass into my home during and after our divorce. Now that I have an O of P, and he faces jail time, he sometimes resists violating the O of P, and regularly harasses my children during his parenting time. It is more of a manipulation that they are only half aware of as he focusses his increasing aggression on telling them half truths and out-right fabrications about me. The information the children (under 12) come home with is so age inapproriate, I have a hard time even broaching the subject with them.

I'm tired of battling, but I fear for my children's psychological health as the older 2 are already showing signs of his childish coping skills "rage if you don't get your way". I attained legal custody of the children and they are in the healthiest place (with me) for 80% of the time, so there are some positives. However, considering the legal complexities of psychological abuse, I"m not sure if starting a new battle for their sake will be more beneficial than letting them "figure it out when they get older".

Any input?

 

[PQN2]

therapy

IMHO the best thing you can do for your children is to get them into therapy. They will need to develop coping skills to deal with their father and they may resist telling you everything that is going on at his house (either to 'protect you' or because he threatens them) and a therapist can help them with that.

 

[Proserpina]

IMHO the best thing you can do for your children is to get them into therapy. They will need to develop coping skills to deal with their father and they may resist telling you everything that is going on at his house (either to 'protect you' or because he threatens them) and a therapist can help them with that.

I think this is excellent advice. Plus, anything the kids say to the therapist may eventually help bolster a case of Dad, perhaps, needing supervised visitation.

 

[jharris352]

I agree. And if you can't afford it go back to court and stick him with the bill. He's an idiot. Set a line in your mind, if he crosses it take him to court to limit him to supervised visitation at his expense. Sooner or later if he isn't insane he will get it.

 

[Betterlife]

Update - X harassing children

THANK YOU AGAIN PQN2!

The case is in a phase now where mom is legally protected from dad, as a result of 2 felony d.v. convictions and supervised probation, but she is less tolerant of the ignorances of courts and various agencies about the forewarned harm dad is doing to the children. One child bravely discloses all (not yet to the counselor) emotional chaos while with dad, despite fear of revenge, however, the prospect of further consequences by the courts, PD, and CPS, for dad's actions against children appear slim.

Kids have been in (free agency) counseling on a regular basis. When mom informed the counselor that, weird, but legal, medical instruments used only on women were found at (single, non-medical professional) dad's house during a weapons search, counselor said she was not qualified to interview the kids about such things. It is sad, but probably so. She is a nice outlet for them, and may help with coping skills, but as far as more assertive/aggressive needs go, another professional was needed.

Luckily, the case was approved for ($$$) 5 sessions with a reputable PhD who understands emotional abuse thoroughly. However, guidance is needed to determine if this battle is worth it. Some heavy odds are against a positive outcome, now that 2 opposing factors exist - a frightened child discloses that about 1/3 of the 10 overnights/month with dad involve disturbing emotional abuse, while reporting this seems to be more of a nuisance for the court, PD, and CPS than a concern.

The same courts appear to be so tired of this case (with all of dad's frivolous filings and mom's lengthy exhibits in this hi conflict case), that the court actually denied, without a hearing, (perhaps without reading) the petition for temporary custody when child reports that the younger ones are still showering with dad at age <10, among other disclosures of coaching and child refusing bribes from dad to lie to professionals.
In essence, the court chose to allow this to continue without a second look, reminding mom of the evidentiary hearing scheduled IN 12 WEEKS (per dad's request for more visitation days).

Can the PhD even do anything now, absent bruises and broken limbs? Surely there must be psychological research, but is there actual case law of the damage caused to children when one parent continually disparages the other and requests that children immorally engage in the a mission to hurt mom? If so, why aren't CPS and the PDs more informed and proactive?

Does anyone know from experience, case law, or study if the potential damage of horrible emotionally abusive parenting of children outweigh the battle scars of protecting them from it? Sometimes, continuing to the end seems dreary either way??? At least if it ends now, children know the dad's behavior is unacceptable to mom, illegal, dad was punished for hurting mom, and children will hopefully incorporate that information into their future decision making.

Ironically, if anyone actually read the file they would find it is entirely one-sided, indicating dad is incapable of following rules he doesn't like. Naturally, the file is simply too voluminous for anyone to accurately follow.

Perhaps a book for the children's benefit???