Ex wants to inspect our house before allowing visitations

[Bubblehead]

Jurisdiction

North Carolina

I am a 15 year active duty, Navy. I was stationed overseas for 3 years with my family, my wife left me and took our children within 28 days of being overseas. We have been separated and divorcing, I am now stateside and she is refusing to allow the children to visit unless she inspects my home. She claims she has the right to come into my home. I offered her to have a police officer present before she enters but she refused. She is threatening to keep my children from me through the holidays without a home inspection. Does she have legal grounds to do so?

 

[Highwayman]

What does your attorney have to say about it?

If you are getting divorced without an attorney then I'd say that's foolish.

 

[adjusterjack]

Does she have legal grounds to do so?

Probably not. But, by the time you get the issue into court, the holidays will be over and the court isn't going to do more than admonish her not to do it again.

I suggest you let her inspect.

If you feel the need of a referee have a friend come over instead of a cop.

I have two pieces of advice for you.

1 - Get a lawyer.

2 - Don't get into pissing contests with her over trivialities. Yes, this one is trivial. Your manhood won't be at risk if you let her have the little concessions while you keep your eye on the big picture.

 

[army judge]

I am a 15 year active duty, Navy. I was stationed overseas for 3 years with my family, my wife left me and took our children within 28 days of being overseas. We have been separated and divorcing, I am now stateside and she is refusing to allow the children to visit unless she inspects my home. She claims she has the right to come into my home. I offered her to have a police officer present before she enters but she refused. She is threatening to keep my children from me through the holidays without a home inspection. Does she have legal grounds to do so?

This is a tough one, Bubblehead.
I'm sure hope you have a court order relative to custody, visitation, and other child related matters.
If not, I suggest you see a lawyer Monday, and get that process started.

You say you have started the divorce process, and are already separated.

In NC, legal separation occurs for the purposes of eligibility for divorce, on the date when one or both spouses move into a separate residence with the intent of living apart permanently.

You do not need a separation agreement, nor do you have to file any papers or documents to be separated in North Carolina.

That's what frightens me, Bubblehead, you've probably gotten where you are without any legal process or documents. I also suspect you don't have a lawyer.

Your offer to allow her to inspect your home (with a police officer present) was more than fair.
However, you're bending now, and if you do, you'll always be a victim.

If you've been married for more than 10 years, she's going to receive ONE HALF (as in 50%) of your eventual retirement pay (when you do retire). As a 15 year career sailor, I'm sure you understand just how much money is on the line for you. That will be down the road, and in addition to the child support you'll be ordered to pay starting soon, and certainly upon your divorce.

Don't do this without a lawyer. Hire a lawyer before this goes much further, protect yourself, your money, your future, your children, and your self-esteem. Her refusal of your compromise offer to allow her to INSPECT your home, without a police officer should illustrate what your future with this woman will become. Plus, if you allow her in your home WITHOUT the cops present, she could be setting you up to say you attacked her, hit her, threatened her with a gun, robbed her, or even raped her.

That action alone should prove to you why its time to hire a lawyer, and why you shouldn't cave to her ridiculous demands. You give in now, be prepared to do so forever.

The fact that she ran off with the all too real "Jodie" should illustrate why this beast is not to be dealt with alone, or to be trusted. She has no more RIGHT to inspect your home, than you do hers. The cheekiness of this evil thing to ask more of you than she is willing to reciprocate makes very clear to this outsider what this monster will do in the future.

Your children matter, I'm sure, but this creature has taken that out of your hands. Hire that lawyer, Monday, get this thing back on track by Tuesday. Its not about Christmas, its about your life.

A NC lawyer discusses NC divorce, separation, and settlement:
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When Are We Legally Separated? - NC Separation Guidelines
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NC Separation Laws & Agreement | Cary Separation Lawyer
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The Ten Most Common Questions
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North Carolina Legal Separation – LegalWiseNC.com

As one who also wore this nation's uniform (Army), holidays come and go. I'm sure you've missed a couple of those over the 15 years you've invested serving this great country.

Honor, integrity, virtue, respect, pride, dignity, truth, fidelity, and equity matter more, to me. Those are things our service has taught us. Don't allow this evil to use your children to demean you, or use those kids as bargaining chips, stand upo for yourself.

It won't be easy, but I'll try to help you through this. I'll be here to listen, let you vent, and answer questions if you wish. Don't go this alone, and don't allow anyone to steamroll you, or force you to compromise your honor. Keep in touch, good luck.