Father trying to gain primary custody of Daughter

[bokyrece]

I'm looking to get primary physical custody of my 3 year old daughter.

There is a bit of a back story to this so I'm going to try giving as much detail without going on and on.

Back in late 2008 - early 2009 my ex girlfriend and I went through a custody battle, that ended in getting 50/50 shared custody with her getting primary physical custody and me paying her child support. In late Jan 2009 her parents ended up kicking her out of the house so she called and I agreed to allow her to stay at my house with the baby. A few months of living there I asked her to drop the child support since she was staying there and I was taking care of them, she agreed and dropped the child support.

Jumping forward to April 2011 things were going right back down the same path so I ended up giving her the house and moved out after she ended up having a psychotic episode, she almost hit me with a frying pan over not getting her way.

I've been giving her $300 a month and have still been paying the rent and household bills (gas, elec etc) up until June, I had the landlord take me off the lease in case she doesn't pay the bills it won't come back on me. She is now in the middle of moving out of the house (she found out paying bills wasn't so easy).

Since I moved out she has been running around telling people I've never been there for my kid and she did all the work. She's leaving out the details that I was always working to support my family and that I didn't want to rely on welfare to support me the rest of my life.

She isn't allowing me to see my daughter unless gets her way with things. Example I picked up the vacuum cleaner from her and she asked me for $20 she was short on cash. I said no I don't have it (just got done moving into a house) and I told her ask her boyfriend who was sitting in the car for money. I then said I'd like to see the baby (who's 3 years old now) and said said "no if you can't give me money you're not seeing her" and drove off. She's withheld the baby from me 5 times over money or just not getting her way. Last month I told her she needed to get all the bills changed into her name since I wasn't living there (I think that's only fair right?). I also asked her to give all the bills to my mom so I can pay them while I still had my name on the lease. She failed to do this. I had my daughter at the Zoo and I get this phone call saying "bring my kid home now", turned out the lights got shut off for non-payment because I never got the bills from her and I wouldn't go pick them up myself for my protection.



She's also been riding around with the baby NOT in a car seat and NOT buckled in. Keeping in mind she has 2 accidents and 3 speeding tickets on her driving record (I have a copy of the driving record that she had me pull after the 1st accident back in April 2011) so that tells you she doesn't have good driving habits. Regardless she should have the baby in the car seat. I also got text messages from her friend that my ex hasn't been taking care of the baby, but her friend was been because she's been spending time with her boyfriend. The baby already doesn't get to see me and now her mother isn't spending time with her. The poor kid must think her parents don't love her. I'm sorry but I can't sit back allow this craziness to keep going on.

Now I'm an over the road coach bus driver but I have the option to go back to driving local for the city. If I go back to being a local transit driver would I have a chance of the judge granting me primary physical custody of my 3 year old daughter? Also being that the child support was dropped did that effect the 50/50 shared custody put in place back in Jan 2009? In no way is this a revenge thing I'm just trying to looking out for the well being of my 3 year old.

Sorry this post is so long but I had to give the full story so I know what direction to go in.

Thanks for reading this.

- Marcus

 

[Proserpina]

You need to enforce your current orders; I'm not seeing the CoC required for a modification. If Mom withholds your court-ordered parenting time you can take her to court for contempt.

It will take several instances though in order for custody to change (if it happens at all).

 

[bokyrece]

I have been keeping records of each time something has happened. Will the judge take that into account? Also if I go back local will the judge set it up so I have over night rights? Even if I don't get primary physical custody I would like to have over nights setup 50/50 that way I know my daughter is being taken care of the right way.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the exact wording of your current order? (minus names)

 

[bokyrece]

I don't have it on me at the moment. But it was parents will share 50/50 custody with mother having primary physical custody, father will pay child support.

 

[Proserpina]

Here's what I think will happen.

You'll go to get kiddo, and Mom will not allow visitation. You'll then take her to court for contempt. Then she'll want to revert back to the original agreement, with you paying child support.

If your original agreement was not a literal 50-50 timeshare, the court is unlikely to order that against Mom's wishes. If you DID have that written into the original - and that doesn't appear to be the case since Mom is listed as primary - then you can ask the court to honor that original arrangement.

You may or may not get your wish.

But what you've got to do is start documenting things and if that means hauling Mom to court every time she withholds visitation...that's what you have to do.

(LRM and I both answered this on the other board, btw )

 

[bokyrece]

Alright here's an update. I went to see a lawyer and she pulled the paper from the case. It's Joint Legal and she was list as primary. Now being that she moved back in thing could go two ways. We did the first meeting in front of the judge where the joint legal and primary set and child support was established. We never went back to the second meeting with the judge since they moved back in, so the old case could either be dropped or be modified.

So after posting here the first time I did some research and wanted to look into both Joint Legal (I already have this) and Joint Custody. I talked to the lawyer and she said chances are it would go better if I did that vs going for the kill. She said I do have a case due to the fact that I have a real concern for my child and I'm taking the legal steps like I should be.

So based on that facts I have been trying to see by daughter but been denied. If she does let me see the baby I have to be around her.

She has moved and wont tell me the address.

Can't get a hold of her unless it's time for money.

I'm leaving my over the road job and driving local again.

Do you think I could get the Joint Custody? I'm really looking out for the well being of my daughter who's life I've been apart of since day 1.

 

[Proserpina]

Did the attorney explain that joint custody doesn't mean a 50-50 equal timeshare?


Again, the court isn't likely to order such a timeshare if Mom doesn't agree.

However, got a question or two for you. When did Mom move?

 

[bokyrece]

Yes she did say it might not be 50/50 time share, but anything is better then having nothing at all.

She moved out about 2 going on 3 weeks ago now.

 

[Proserpina]

Go to court, file for an enforceable visitation plan.

And find out where Mom is!