File now or wait?

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eh4316

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She was fired for stealing from her company back in January, 2010; I borrowed money to pay the company so that they wouldn't press charges. She said that she'd taken the money because I refused to take out a loan to pay her cell phone bill.

Shortly after being fired, she had a seizure, broke her shoulder socket and required reconstructive surgery. I arranged to work from home to take care of her and the kids.

Three months later she started back. In order for her to get started with the new job, i continued to work from home 3-4 days per week as we'd both be working days (putting my job in jeopardy in order to support her in doing hers).

Not long after (couple of weeks perhaps), she began staying out at night, not coming home, not calling. Didn't see the kids much (she does work long hours which cannot be criticized), was spending a lot of money resulting in bills not getting paid. When she was running short, she'd take out payday loans, immediately xfer the money to savings and do cash withdrawals. Even hocked her wedding ring...

I tried on several occasions to talk to her about the financial situation and how her actions were affecting the family. This was interpreted as me being overbearing and controlling, and apparently gave her reason to avoid coming home to myself or the kids.

Not long ago, I was informed that I would be losing my job in July. Her response was to go out that night, then the following... In all, she spent approximately $700 between bars and a hotel room that weekend. It caused us to miss our car payment as well as one of my credit payments.

Luckily I'd opened my own private bank account and had begun to deposit 20% of my income which is allowing me to put food on the table for the kids for the next couple of weeks until I get paid.

Even after draining our joint account on bars and hotel rooms, she still tries to get me to support her for the next two weeks until she gets paid. She actually wants me to give her gas money so she can get to work then go stay with someone else at night.

I've spoken with an attorney and it sounds like I may be able to get temporary custody if I want to retain an attorney and file now since her choices are having a negative impact on the children and limiting my ability to support them.

The problem is, I will be losing my job in two months, she's ruined my credit, she's all but laid claim to our only reliable vehicle and I cannot afford litigation right now. On top of it all, we're being evicted because she's been paying less than owed. I didn't find out until I spoke with the landlord recently. She'd been dealing with him exclusively for about three months.

She has made arrangements to move in with a guy from work, has apparently arranged for child care down there and is assuming that my daughter and son will be living there and going to school (which happens to be adjecent to the back yard) down there.

I began to keep track of the nights that she's not coming home (1 night in 8 days that she's slept at the house btw). She does work very early sometimes so if she's not here in the morning, the kids don't know any better.

I feel like I could do something about this if I had unlimited funds at my disposal for attorney fees, but I'm concerned that despite her ridiculous behavior, she'll be able to take the kids when I'm laid off in July (which happens to be the same time we have to move).

Advice? Please?
 
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"Stick it to her" how? Financially? In WA state?

Not happening. Community debts are community debts. You should simply file for divorce and request at least temporary custody of your daughter.

Expect Mom to fight tooth and nail over your daughter.
 
"Stick it to her" how? Financially? In WA state?

Not happening. Community debts are community debts. You should simply file for divorce and request at least temporary custody of your daughter.

Expect Mom to fight tooth and nail over your daughter.

Poor choice of words on my part. My goal is to make sure that my kids are happy and safe.

I'm simply asking if given current circumstances, it benefits her that I'll soon be unemployed despite the fact that she's never home, doesn't see the kids much and has a real problem with not spending more money than she (we would be more accurate) can afford.

I have to line up another job to start as soon as my current contract is up, but I'll also have to deal with finding a school and arranging for child care. She seems to have made arrangements to move in with someone that it would appear she is seeing romantically (she stays with him at night so who knows).

Based on that, do I file now or wait until I've found a new job, new home and arranged for child care?
 
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