Got pregnant with ex boyfriend's child while stationed in Europe.

[rockfaeriefan1]

While I was stationed in Germany (US Army), I got pregnant with my ex-boyfriend's child. About 5 months in, he left me and made it ABUNDANTLY clear that he wanted nothing to do with myself and my child. I started dating another man, whom I later married about a year after my child was born. My daughter's birth certificate states me as her only parent (because the german government would not let me put a father's name without a marriage license). Her birth certificate has neither my ex boyfriend's name, nor my husband's name as her father. My husband has decided that he wants to adopt my daughter, and perhaps, later, change her last name (from my maiden name, to our last name). I have several questions.

1. Without his name on the birth certificate, is getting my ex to sign away his parental rights even a concern? And if it is, how do I go about getting that to happen, despite SEVERAL unsuccessful attempts at contacting him (It's almost as if he's dropped off the planet)?

2. If it's not a concern, how do I go about starting the process of adoption and changing her name? What paperwork should look for? Is it a costly process?

Thank you for your help,
Beth

 

[jacksgal]

You need to get Bio Dad to sign off his parental rights

 

[army judge]

Your child has no putative father.
That makes your life easier.
But, what you desire isn't easy to obtain.
Contact an attorney and discuss your situation with him or her.
If you were in the military, did you ever get a Department of State issued birth certificate to prove your child's US citizenship? (Assuming you are a US citizen.)

That might become a bigger problem, sooner, rather than later; if you didn't.

The omission of a father from the German birth certificate is less important than what is on the State Deoartment document.

In the end, you can't do this without the assistance of an attorney. Start talking to a couple today. And, stop talking to the man you believe to be daddy. He will only comicated your life.

 

[army judge]

By the way, people aren't easily allowed to "sign away parental rights"!

Children aren't chattel.

Abdicating parental responsibility isn't easy for many reasons, paramount among them is child support.

 

[rockfaeriefan1]

Along with a German birth certificate, I have several copies of my child's international birth certificate. I also have a document titled "Consular Report of Birth Abroad". It states that this report proves my child's United States Citizenship because I provided the required documentation to the US Consulate in Frankfurt.

I appreciate the help you all are giving, but I would just like to state that I agree with what ArmyJudge said. I don't think my child is "chattel". My ex left me, and kept his word about never wanting anything to do with us. He never provided any type of support (financial or otherwise) and I never asked him to. I started dating my husband before my child was born and we've been married for almost 3 years since. He's the only father that she knows, and I'd like to keep it that way. Before being sent back stateside, I talked to my ex (we were stationed together, in the same unit) and he was MORE THAN WILLING to sign away his rights. PCSing only complicated that, because now, I have no idea where he is, or how to get a hold of him. I've tried social networks, talking to mutual friends, I've even tried to talk to his family (whom I used to be close with) but he avoids them all, and told his family to end all contact with me as well. He acts as though he wants to pretend that neither myself nor my daughter exist, and that's perfectly fine with me.

I've done A LOT of reading and the majority of what I've read says that if one parent is willing to sign away his parental rights, the courts are more likely to grant it if there is another parent willing to accept responsibility. All I would like to know is how I go about getting the paperwork to the father when I have no idea where he is or how to contact him?

 

[Proserpina]

This is not legal advice.

But I strongly urge you not to lie to your child - she deserves to know who her biological father is, even if he's MIA in her life.

 

[rockfaeriefan1]

I agree. I didn't mean (in my last post) that I'd like to keep him a secret FOREVER. I plan to tell her about him when she's old enough to understand the whole situation.

 

[Proserpina]

Again this is not legal advice - and I'm NOT criticizing, k? So please don't take this personally.

Most parenting groups and experts believe that telling the child from the earliest age possible is best for the child - in an age-appropriate manner of course.

Waiting until, for example, the child is 10 or 11 can really blow the child's sense of security and self, since the two people who they trust most in the world have essentially lied to the child their entire life.

It can be incredibly traumatic for the child.

No matter what though, good luck.