Help dealing with family member/ houseguest please...

[cubist]

Hi. I am looking for some advice on how to handle an ex houseguest & his left behind property.

In December 2009 we invited my partner's biological father to live with us from Florida. He had abandoned my partner and her mother shortly after she was born, so he was more of less a stranger to both of us. He has MS, is a recovering drug addict & former alcoholic. His family in Florida had given up trying to help him. He was not seeing a doctor, much less a neurologist & we agreed to open our home to him and try to help him find better medical care, make sure he got back and forth to the doctor etc...

Soon after he arrived we realized that he needed way more care than we could provide. He fell a lot, could not bathe himself, could not use the bathroom unassisted most of the time, took his medication wrong, those types of things. In general, he was just not upfront about his condition. Soon after he arrived, he began being hostile if we suggested he try an assisted living facility or a nursing home. I think he may actually have some undiagnosed mental disorders. As he did some really odd things. He can't walk, yet he ordered a motorcycle from the internet! We have a 5 year old daughter that we felt was in danger if he lived with us much longer. On top of his anger, he dropped pills & refused to keep them put up, ordered pornographic movies & left them playing on the TV knowing my daughter was home (It took everything I had not to physically throw him out on the street myself after this one). We finally had enough one day & I called the police after he threatened me. They convinced him to go to the hospital for evaluation. He went with a police escort.

I explained to the social workers that We could not handle him & were not equipped to provide the almost 24 hour care he really needed. After he left the hospital, he went to an acute care facility & The staff there that deemed him able to make medical decisions for himself & He said he didn't want to be there. They told us they had no choice but to let him leave if that's what he wanted. He stopped returning our calls (He was pretty angry with us for telling the social workers that he could not care for himself). We called the facility after they told us he rented a car & left. He still hasn't called either of us, but in calling around to other family members, apparently he is staying at hotels & is convinced we were stealing from him/ selling his pills etc. which is about the most insulting thing I have ever heard, after everything we had done for him. Now I need legal advice...

We are renting a house (one which we moved to to better accommodate his needs) and our lease is up for renewal. We don't plan to stay in this house if it is just us living there. we have no use for the suite downstairs that he used & would rather not renew the lease. He has belongings in the house that I'd like to have removed. I don't want to have to move them to our new place. I also don't want to pay to store them indefinitely. I have called his other family & they pretty much all told me he was crazy & they don't want to deal with any of it.

I don't have an address to send any kind of notice to, he won't return any phone calls. What can I do? Most of the items don't really have any value. I'd say about 85-90% of it really needs to be thrown out. I wouldn't even donate it. Is there an amount of time that needs to pass before this stuff is considered abandoned? If I go to the courthouse & file for an eviction, which I have heard I may need to do, would I need to provide them with an address? what if he is just kind of on the run?

Thanks for reading all this. I'm at my wits end.

 

[army judge]

Hi. I am looking for some advice on how to handle an ex houseguest & his left behind property.

In December 2009 we invited my partner's biological father to live with us from Florida. He had abandoned my partner and her mother shortly after she was born, so he was more of less a stranger to both of us. He has MS, is a recovering drug addict & former alcoholic. His family in Florida had given up trying to help him. He was not seeing a doctor, much less a neurologist & we agreed to open our home to him and try to help him find better medical care, make sure he got back and forth to the doctor etc...

Soon after he arrived we realized that he needed way more care than we could provide. He fell a lot, could not bathe himself, could not use the bathroom unassisted most of the time, took his medication wrong, those types of things. In general, he was just not upfront about his condition. Soon after he arrived, he began being hostile if we suggested he try an assisted living facility or a nursing home. I think he may actually have some undiagnosed mental disorders. As he did some really odd things. He can't walk, yet he ordered a motorcycle from the internet! We have a 5 year old daughter that we felt was in danger if he lived with us much longer. On top of his anger, he dropped pills & refused to keep them put up, ordered pornographic movies & left them playing on the TV knowing my daughter was home (It took everything I had not to physically throw him out on the street myself after this one). We finally had enough one day & I called the police after he threatened me. They convinced him to go to the hospital for evaluation. He went with a police escort.

I explained to the social workers that We could not handle him & were not equipped to provide the almost 24 hour care he really needed. After he left the hospital, he went to an acute care facility & The staff there that deemed him able to make medical decisions for himself & He said he didn't want to be there. They told us they had no choice but to let him leave if that's what he wanted. He stopped returning our calls (He was pretty angry with us for telling the social workers that he could not care for himself). We called the facility after they told us he rented a car & left. He still hasn't called either of us, but in calling around to other family members, apparently he is staying at hotels & is convinced we were stealing from him/ selling his pills etc. which is about the most insulting thing I have ever heard, after everything we had done for him. Now I need legal advice...

We are renting a house (one which we moved to to better accommodate his needs) and our lease is up for renewal. We don't plan to stay in this house if it is just us living there. we have no use for the suite downstairs that he used & would rather not renew the lease. He has belongings in the house that I'd like to have removed. I don't want to have to move them to our new place. I also don't want to pay to store them indefinitely. I have called his other family & they pretty much all told me he was crazy & they don't want to deal with any of it.

I don't have an address to send any kind of notice to, he won't return any phone calls. What can I do? Most of the items don't really have any value. I'd say about 85-90% of it really needs to be thrown out. I wouldn't even donate it. Is there an amount of time that needs to pass before this stuff is considered abandoned? If I go to the courthouse & file for an eviction, which I have heard I may need to do, would I need to provide them with an address? what if he is just kind of on the run?

Thanks for reading all this. I'm at my wits end.

You tried, didn't you?
Remember, if you live long enough, you'll fall apart, too!
So, try and go easy on the poor man.
The old guy, more than likely, didn't even know what he was doing half the time.
We can't always do everything we want for others.
Nevertheless, your hearts were in the right place.
God bless you for trying.

New Jersey has a very friendly law in regards to tenant abandonment.
All you have to do is try and locate him.
You don't have to find him.
Your efforts show you have been diligent in attempting to track him down.
You have already met the statutory 30, even 33 days!

The notice issue is easy to comply with.
You see all those little ads in the local newspaper, warning people to collect their property?
You can do one of those, if you want.
Otherwise, mailing him a letter to his last known address suffices.

Here is the NJ law:

New Jersey §§ 2A: 18-72 to -82

If a landlord believes a tenant has abandoned personal property remaining in a dwelling unit, the landlord may dispose of it. Before the disposal, the landlord must notify the tenant that the property (1) is considered abandoned and that it will be stored for 30 days (33 days if the notice is mailed) and (2) will be sold at a public or private sale or disposed of or destroyed if believed to be of little value.

The property is presumed abandoned if the tenant (1) responds to the notice within the 30 days (or 33 days, as appropriate) but does not claim the property or (2) does not respond to the notice.

If the tenant claims the property, he must pay the landlord for removal and storage.

After 30 days, the landlord may sell the property and deduct from the proceeds the reasonable costs of notice, storage, and sale, and any unpaid rent and charges not covered by a security deposit. After deducting these amounts, the landlord must give the tenant the difference. If the tenant cannot be found, the landlord must turn the remaining proceeds over to Superior Court.

http://www.cga.ct.gov/2006/rpt/2006-r-0164.htm

 

[cubist]

You tried, didn't you?
Remember, if you live long enough, you'll fall apart, too!
So, try and go easy on the poor man.
The old guy, more than likely, didn't even know what he was doing half the time.
We can't always do everything we want for others.
Nevertheless, your hearts were in the right place.
God bless you for trying.

New Jersey has a very friendly law in regards to tenant abandonment.
All you have to do is try and locate him.
You don't have to find him.
Your efforts show you have been diligent in attempting to track him down.
You have already met the statutory 30, even 33 days!

The notice issue is easy to comply with.
You see all those little ads in the local newspaper, warning people to collect their property?
You can do one of those, if you want.
Otherwise, mailing him a letter to his last known address suffices.

Thank you for the reply. the law was most helpful. I couldn't find much that would apply. So, in theory, placing an ad in the local paper or something like craigslist would be enough to prove that I tried looking for him? I'm guessing I need a paper trail of some sort. I have sent him text messages & emails. He has a cell phone that I pay for. I got it for him soon after he came to stay with us because he would fall a lot & I wanted to make sure he could reach us if one of us wasn't there. The phone was an add on to my account & I have left it on for him to reach us, but it looks as though he has called everyone but us. His last known address would be our home address. From what I heard from his other family, he was just staying at hotels. He hasn't forwarded any mail from what I can tell. His bills and things are still being sent to our house.

The sad part is, he's not old & his mind is just fine. Granted he make one poor decision after another... I had pretty much given in to the fact that he is a grown up and we may just have to stand back and watch him destroy his life. we couldn't have him do it in front of our child though. He is only 54 years old. He is just really impulsive. That's partially why we tried to get him into a care facility. When we first suggested that he may need more care than we could give him, his plan was to move to an island in the middle of nowhere in Virginia and live with some junkie friends that he worked with in the 80's. I knew none of them would make sure he was taken care of & We were just trying to do what we felt was best.

 

[army judge]

Thank you for the reply. the law was most helpful. I couldn't find much that would apply. So, in theory, placing an ad in the local paper or something like craigslist would be enough to prove that I tried looking for him? I'm guessing I need a paper trail of some sort. I have sent him text messages & emails. He has a cell phone that I pay for. I got it for him soon after he came to stay with us because he would fall a lot & I wanted to make sure he could reach us if one of us wasn't there. The phone was an add on to my account & I have left it on for him to reach us, but it looks as though he has called everyone but us. His last known address would be our home address. From what I heard from his other family, he was just staying at hotels. He hasn't forwarded any mail from what I can tell. His bills and things are still being sent to our house.

The sad part is, he's not old & his mind is just fine. Granted he make one poor decision after another... I had pretty much given in to the fact that he is a grown up and we may just have to stand back and watch him destroy his life. we couldn't have him do it in front of our child though. He is only 54 years old. He is just really impulsive. That's partially why we tried to get him into a care facility. When we first suggested that he may need more care than we could give him, his plan was to move to an island in the middle of nowhere in Virginia and live with some junkie friends that he worked with in the 80's. I knew none of them would make sure he was taken care of & We were just trying to do what we felt was best.

Sicknesses and illnesses can age you faster than life.
They can also kill you quicker than normal aging.

Anyway, the easiest thing to do is mail a letter (certified, return receipt requested) to his last KNOWN address.
(Don't make this harder, than it needs to be. Forget what you THINK you KNOW. )
His last KNOWN address would be the assisted care facility or the hospital.
Just to be safe, send it to BOTH locations.

Keep all the records associated with the mailing.
On the 33rd day, you can legally dispose of his belongings.
Remember, it is 33 days, if you attempt to use mail notification.
Just to be safe, dispose of them on the 34th day!

CraigsList would not count, neither would text messages or emails as valid methods of notification.
Okay, its the 34th day, you've discard his belongings, you can close this unfortunate chapter in your lives.