help with possible relinquishment

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safeangels

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whew. going to try to make a long story short. my sons were adopted at 7.5 months, 8.5 months, and at birth (3 sons). they are now 4, 4, and almost 20 months. my ex-husband never showed much interest in them, and shortly before my youngest son was adopted, the abuse against me started. i was just stunned, as we had been together for 10 years.

as soon as i realized that he was abusing them too, i never left them alone together. i got my plan together, and got us safe (asked him to leave).

i allowed him to see the boys, even though they didn't want to (my lawyer said i had no choice). every time they came home, bruises, marks, cuts, fear, "he hurt me," etc. i contacted many therapists and DFS. he left a year ago, has had minimal contact this year (again, followed every time by injury, which i documented). it came out in his therapy that he threw my 1-month-old son down because he was frustrated that he wouldn't eat. now my son is delayed, and i am trying to figure out why through the professionals (as his brain wasn't fused).

we decided together that it seemed the boys were suffering from PTSD, and he was their trigger. he agreed to cease contact while they got therapy. in therapy, they are disclosing a lot, but mainly that they don't want to see him. (***i am about to be a therapist myself, and am well aware of "coaching," something i have not and would never do.***)

in addition, my ex-husband is a sex addict. but most importantly, seems to have no interest in them, other than in words (occasional email). he doesn't check in with me, even when i try. i was awarded custody for 2 years, while he "gets himself together," and any time during those 2 years is supervised.

i approached him last night about relinquishing his rights. i really need some direction on how to proceed with this.

sorry if too long, but i feel as if i have left most out. it's hard to be concise with such a vast amount of information.

guidance? direction? many thanks.
 
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Has he ever been charged or convicted of abuse against your children? Documentation is great but why not file police report? I take it he does not want to relinquish his rights?. I would contact an attorney expierienced in this field and go from there. You are doing the right thing here and trying to keep your children from this beast. Good luck.
 
Has he ever been charged or convicted of abuse against your children? Documentation is great but why not file police report? I take it he does not want to relinquish his rights?. I would contact an attorney expierienced in this field and go from there. You are doing the right thing here and trying to keep your children from this beast. Good luck
 
thank you, bluemann. i contacted the police and DFS after the fact. they weren't very helpful, so i was advised to go for supervised visitation, which he agreed to provided i didn't "out" him and his garbage. i have felt so desperate, clinging to anything to keep my kids safe. in the state of MO, it seems that the abuser has the rights. or perhaps i am just not reaching the right people. i have been relentless in my search of child advocacy groups, DFS, therapy for the boys, therapy for me, developmental appts. for my youngest son, etc. it is a full time job, but i will never quit.

in short, no conviction. can i go back and file now, for abuse that occurred almost a year ago? i would doubt it. i have contacted an attorney, and will consult with her soon.

i just asked him about relinquishment, and he said he would think it over. i think he would, but i don't think his parents will ever agree. they are the same people, who, when told of the abuse said, "Well, it wasn't really abuse because he didn't punch you or put you in the hospital."

thank you very kindly for your help, and would love to hear more from others, if possible.
 
p.s. he also, by his own admission, locked the boys in their room for 2 hours to look at porn. he admitted he could hear them getting into everything (right next door) but wouldn't stop. when he "finished," he punished them for getting into their closets.

DFS didn't seem to think this qualified as neglect. i strongly disagree.
 
Without a finding of neglect, or a conviction, you have a battle on your hands.

The State will be reluctant to terminate his rights in this instance unless there has been a finding of unfitness. Or, you have a spouse willing to go ahead with a stepparent adoption.

I'm sorry - but your state doesn't allow a voluntary TPR under these circumstances (some states - such as Texas - do allow for voluntary TPR without a stepparent adoption if both parents agree and certain other conditions are met).

By all means though, have that consult with the attorney - she might know of some loophole.
 
prosperina

thank you so much. i am an educated woman, yet it seems to be incredibly difficult to find answers to my questions...as in, you referenced my state. i looked up the "rules," but they still seem vague?

a step-parent adoption would occur.

he is "thinking" on it. i am so unclear as to how i proceed. he has made it very clear through his words and actions that he isn't interested, the boys are terrified of him, and i want the best for them (i.e. an end to the confusion and fear from a very sick person).

thanks for any insights.
 
Your legal issue is far too complex to be addressed on an internet forum.

You can gain perspective and concepts here, but what you desire to accomplish isn't akin to a DIY doghouse.

Your best advice comes from a licensed attorney that you have retained to assist you.

safeangels said:
thank you so much. i am an educated woman, yet it seems to be incredibly difficult to find answers to my questions...as in, you referenced my state. i looked up the "rules," but they still seem vague?

a step-parent adoption would occur.

he is "thinking" on it. i am so unclear as to how i proceed. he has made it very clear through his words and actions that he isn't interested, the boys are terrified of him, and i want the best for them (i.e. an end to the confusion and fear from a very sick person).

thanks for any insights.
Click to expand...
 
i appreciate that advice, armyjudge. i guess i try to go into any serious matter - legal, medical, etc. with as much knowledge as i can glean prior. so i guess trying to build my knowledge base, but i appreciate your response.
 
No problem, sa.

Google

"relinquishing parental rights in Missouri"

"giving up parental rights in Missouri"

You can gather some additional insight.
 
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