How do/can you get custody of a child that is not legally yours?

[crys08]

My father and step-mother are going through a divorce. She has 3 boys all of which are not my fathers. She is on drugs and ran off with the youngest boy. She left the middle boy at my dad's house, and her grandmother has raised her oldest. My father and I would like to know if there was anyway that he could adopt the boys, or prove his soon to be ex-wife as an unfit mother - without getting the boys put into a foster home. I should probably add that if it weren't for my father her boys would be in a foster house right now as they were taken away from her until she married my father. None of the biological fathers are involved (they all have diffewrent fathers).

The middle boy is now 16 - if my dad cannot do adopt him or get custody; can my brother get himself emancipated and live at my father's? If I remember right, in order to be expunged one has to prove that they have a stable place to live and prove that they are financially in dependent - correct? The 16 year-old's father is also on drugs, deals drugs, and has been in and out of jail because of drugs.

Any advice/input would be greatly appreciated!

 

[Proserpina]

At the moment your father is what's known as a "legal stranger". He should speak to an attorney to see if there's any chance he can claim "de facto" parent status.

The likelihood is that the boys will go into foster care; your father can of course present himself as a potential foster parent and go through the approval process if he wishes.

So, is the 16 year old currently living independently and fully self-supportive? If the answer to either question is "no", he will not be emancipated.

What about grandmother taking in both boys?

 

[crys08]

A lot has changed since I last posted. My dad has a new gf and leaves my brother at home - by himself - every night until late night. My little sister has moved out of my dad's house because it's an unstable environment. I'm now looking into gaining legal custody of the 16 year-old. I'm 20, married, and have a 16 month-old baby. I'm joining the Air Force - which means I'll have a stable home, stable income, and he will have medical insurance with me. He currently does not have insurance with my father and my father is mentally and emotionally abusive. As far as his grandmother goes, she passed away a couple months ago. Do you think I have a chance of getting gardianship? The 16 year-old would NOT do well in foster care.

 

[Proserpina]

A lot has changed since I last posted. My dad has a new gf and leaves my brother at home - by himself - every night until late night. My little sister has moved out of my dad's house because it's an unstable environment. I'm now looking into gaining legal custody of the 16 year-old. I'm 20, married, and have a 16 month-old baby. I'm joining the Air Force - which means I'll have a stable home, stable income, and he will have medical insurance with me. He currently does not have insurance with my father and my father is mentally and emotionally abusive. As far as his grandmother goes, she passed away a couple months ago. Do you think I have a chance of getting gardianship? The 16 year-old would NOT do well in foster care.

IF he goes into foster care then you can also go through the same process I mentioned your father going through. Nothing can legally happen without the State first becoming involved There is a slim chance he'd be able to stay with your father (not you) during the process, but again the likelihood is that he'd be at least temporarily placed in foster care.

And if your father fights and wants guardianship/custody himself he stands a far greater chance than you, I'm afraid.

Edit: Additional thought:

The State would generally look for blood relatives first, too - biological parent/s and grandparents - before placing him with an unrelated third party. Of course if that's not possible then the previous response stands

 

[army judge]

Be advised, OP, as a lower ranking enlisted person (E1, 2, 3), the military takes a dim view of extended families. The fact that you have one child, adding another, isn't going to be a slam dunk. Nevertheless, you won't be allowed to accomplish that until you've completed basic, AIT, and been assigned to your first permanent duty station.

 

[Proserpina]

That is an absolutely excellent point, AJ. Hadn't occurred to me at all!