How to protect my unborn daughter

[guestpost]

I am 23 years old and unmarried. I am 7 months pregnant. I live in California. The Father and I have been in a very high stress on and off relationship for 5 years. He told me he was unable to have children and I ended up pregnant. I do not believe in abortion and this will be my first child. He has done nothing to support me in this pregnancy. He owes me six grand for expenses I loaned him money for and refuses to pay me back.
He has stated that he wants full custody, even though he didn't even want to be a Dad at first. He wants full custody, because he does not want to pay child support. I guess he does not realize the expenses of a baby. I have been preparing for my daughter's arrival, clothing, diapers, a cradle and other baby needs. I have asked him for some of the money he owes me, but he does not want to give me any. If he were to have full custody, she would be in daycare as an infant, I want to breastfeed and my family will be with her while I am at work. He lives with a room-mate that drinks, smokes, has a drug history, throws parties and is not someone I would ever want my child around. The Father also has an alcoholic past and struggles with cigarette smoking as well. No one in my family that she would be around smokes or drinks. He puts me down and threatens me constantly, if I were to record the conversations where he says these insane things, would it be legal? He has threatened to "stab" a male friend of mine in the throat for an example. I do not want her to be living with a mentally abusive man and I already have so much love for her and cannot risk my daughter ending up with him. He has had people write false statements about me, saying I have mental problems and weird stuff like that. I am perfectly stable. I am in a tough situation and need some advice.

 

[CdwJava]

First off, if he wants even to get visitation, he will have to establish paternity through the courts. So, that will take him some time and money.

Second, is there an objective reason why the court would remove the baby from your care and custody and give the baby to the dad? Absent your inability to care for the child or a lifestyle or behavior that puts the child at risk of foreseeable harm, it is highly unlikely a court will take your child from you. He may get reasonable visitation, but it's unlikely he will gain anything approaching full custody - especially as an infant.

As for the money matters, you can look to small claims court for what he owes you, and if he establishes paternity the court will order him to pay support.

Recording conversations can be of questionable use in a legal proceeding and might even be criminal as CA is a two party state with a few exceptions. Now, if you make it clear that he is being recorded, you can record what you like.

Check with your local courthouse or domestic violence organization. Many counties have self-help programs or organizations that can assist you with things like restraining order, custody filings, etc. I'd start there.

 

[mightymoose]

Agreed. You seem to have no risk off having the child taken from you. I suggest you do not allow the father to take the child for any length of time until you have court ordered custody/visitation. Without a custody order you could have difficulty getting the child back from him.
It seems you are unlikely to ever see the $6000, and even if support is ordered you may not see much of that. Be prepared to support yourself and the child without his assistance so you are not dependant on a deadbeat.

 

[Betty3]

You can try suing in small claims court for the $6,000 owed you. However; even if you win a judgment against him, the problem is collecting the money.