- Jurisdiction
- New York
Series of events
Sad break up with daughters dad. Had to ask him to leave the home in August 2014 due to him being disrespectful ( although we were broken up and I was in a relationship I allowed him to stay in the home until he found a place because I didn't want to see him in a men's shelter) this went on from June until August 2014 before he left he asked what could he do to get my then boyfriend (I had to practically beg him to come out and meet my boyfriend) I asked to meet his out of the picture I said there was nothing he could do and left it at that. He stated to my sister he felt like killing himself.
In that same month of August he got engaged and moved to New Jersey.
In January after learning that I was with child he filed for joint custody I didn't fight it. I have always fostered a positive relationship between him and our daughter. Even by letting her go off with him although he refused to give me his address. The only thing I requested is that I meet his fiancé. Our daughter would be with her while he worked overnights. He still refused to give me their address and at this time his fiancée phone number. I only allowed my daughter to go because I trusted that he wouldn't take his frustrations out on our child and I didn't want to tell her she couldn't go with her dad because of a conflict he had with me...I didn't think she would understand. So I allowed her to go.
I moved to upstate New York in April 2015and thats when the custody papers were served upon me. Through mediation he settled for a far less favorable parenting plan for himself than the one I suggested we discuss.
I had an old car that couldn't make the trips from New York to our meeting location in new Paltz or another agreed upon location. I drove there once and the car stalled on the throughway. At this time he was only giving me $80 every two weeks and that was going directly to child care. I couldn't afford a new car and I was 7 months pregnant so through the parenting plan he was ordered to provide all transportation for his visits he did that for 3 months sept-dec and I voluntarily did it for 3 Jan-April by means of 3 car rentals and greyhound( I have family i was visiting in nyc) also I was giving him the benefit of the doubt because I thought he was still wirkjng part time. Once we went to court for the joint custody I learned he was working full time and bringing in far more than myself. I then filed for child support. The support began coming through in January 2016
In April if 2016 I went back to work and couldn't feasibly request weekends off that would give me enough time to get her to him by bus. At that time he said he was no longer "making that trip". This went on for 6 weeks all of which I still have my schedule to prove I was working on those weekends and was also taking public transportation anywhere I had to go. I still didn't have a car.
He's ordered to the first 4 weeks of summer for his visit. Seeing how he calls my daughter and she calls him I felt it would ease things if I informed him that our daughter would be with my now fiancé (who still works in NYC and was visiting) while I went to work. This was the last week of school. His words were you're going to leave my daughter with the "next man" I asked if he was going to keep her and he said He'd let me know. Later on he called saying bring his daughter to him. He's a very high conflict individual and is good at degrading me by calling me various vulgar names. In order to not go through a ln ugly fight I did what he asked. This caused her to miss the last week of school.
Our daughter went for her summer visit sept 17. Which would have made it 5 weeks instead of 4. Knowing that she had a rough time last year and he brought her home after only 3 weeks I suggested he let her come home after 4 weeks instead of 5 furthermore I recommended that since he works over nights and his wife works days for him to put our daughter in day camp so that he could sleep during the day he refused. Whenever I called my daughter stated her dad was asleep. I never pressed the issue further.
4 days after his summer visit began he filed a violation of visitation and custody stating he went 6 weeks withhout seeing his daughter, that I tried to shorten his summer visit, she missed a week of school and I had her lie to him. Now truly knowing how insensitive and verbally abusive he could be I didn't inform him that I had gotten ill (fibroids) in NYC at my parents house and didn't feel safe traveling back hom with the kids. I never had my daughter lie to him, saying I have inappropriate conversations in front of our daughter any diss agreement we've had over the phone wasn't in my daughters presence.
Finally this October after a year of him paying support he still hadn't placed our daughter on his health nsurance.' Which he was ordered to do last September. I asked him about it periodically with him giving me various excuses. I recently became employed with the state of New York and have to enroll for health insurance. On October 4th I asked him about the he health insurance and he finally admitted it would cost too much. I told him we would have to go back to court. On October 11th he signed paperwork with his lawyer requesting primary custody of our daughter. The allegations were:
My daughters attendance last school year (never mentioning his refusing to let her stay home with my fiancé) nor did he ever stress to me thahis he knew sbout her tarried and attendance which didn't warrant a childrens services case or anything.
I'm Neglecting her medical needs(I sent him pictures of her up to date immunization record and he's accessed all of her physical information and I have all of her emergency room and dr office reports from all of her visits.
My daughter is low weight for her age and height. Her dr has stated no concern about her weight with me ever. I send her multivitamins which her dr recommended for her appetite, but he's so adamant on me not sending her with anything that he wouldn't even open her bag to give them to her. Furthermore he knows that we both have been addressing her appetite with her dr since she was 3 and the dr at that time wasn't that concerned. Her weight isn't a new finding. She's in the lower percentile for girls her age that's all. I'm 39 102 lbs with 3 children.
He stated I denied him access to our daughter. I have 225 pages of call history to prove he hardly calls her. I was only able to go as far back as may to August. I have to request August to dec once dec is here.
He stressed that if she's with hI'm she won't have to travel long hours by bus(she loves the bus ride) in order to visit my fiancé. I have fame let in NYC and would travel there with or without my fiancé being there.
Would him neglecting to pay her ordered health insurance and lying to the judges face before being found in willful violation have any bearing on this custody case in reference to him being medically neglectful. The judge refused to allow him to enroll her now stating that I add her and he is to pay his pro rata share.
On our daughters last visit he finally decided to open her bag and pulls out her underwear and sniffs them, then says your underwear smells like cigarettes. Who smokes around you. My daughter informed him I smoke in the patio outside.
He never had anything nice to say about anything I do. Telling her her shoes are too big but the shoes are her size, he wishes her hair would grow, her coat or other things I buy are too big or look used. Everything is new.
One visit she was crying because she didn't want to gang up the phone with me at bedtime and he rushed her off the phone. My daughter informed me that he threw her pj's at her chest and slammed her room door. Perhaps upset because she wanted me I don't know.
Also he told her if she lies to him he's going to hit her.
He's already asked if she wants to live with him and she said no.
He puts her in a scale every visit. During her 5 week visit she went from 37 to 40 lbs. she stated she would be full but couldn't leave the table.
I learned all of these things by simply asking. How was your visit?
I had a good relationship with his wife but now she's questioning my daughter on every visit. The baby sitter stated she had to correct my daughters answered to her dad about what time I work and when I pick pick her up. I've already informed him of that.
Please help. I don't want to stop his visitation all together I just want his dragging me in court at a whim in order to harass me.
The neglect allegations are from march And my daughters been low weight since she was 3 and he addressed these issues with the courts in October after I filed a support violation against him.
I submitted texts to my lawyer showing how I try and effectively co-parent and communicate with him.
Sad break up with daughters dad. Had to ask him to leave the home in August 2014 due to him being disrespectful ( although we were broken up and I was in a relationship I allowed him to stay in the home until he found a place because I didn't want to see him in a men's shelter) this went on from June until August 2014 before he left he asked what could he do to get my then boyfriend (I had to practically beg him to come out and meet my boyfriend) I asked to meet his out of the picture I said there was nothing he could do and left it at that. He stated to my sister he felt like killing himself.
In that same month of August he got engaged and moved to New Jersey.
In January after learning that I was with child he filed for joint custody I didn't fight it. I have always fostered a positive relationship between him and our daughter. Even by letting her go off with him although he refused to give me his address. The only thing I requested is that I meet his fiancé. Our daughter would be with her while he worked overnights. He still refused to give me their address and at this time his fiancée phone number. I only allowed my daughter to go because I trusted that he wouldn't take his frustrations out on our child and I didn't want to tell her she couldn't go with her dad because of a conflict he had with me...I didn't think she would understand. So I allowed her to go.
I moved to upstate New York in April 2015and thats when the custody papers were served upon me. Through mediation he settled for a far less favorable parenting plan for himself than the one I suggested we discuss.
I had an old car that couldn't make the trips from New York to our meeting location in new Paltz or another agreed upon location. I drove there once and the car stalled on the throughway. At this time he was only giving me $80 every two weeks and that was going directly to child care. I couldn't afford a new car and I was 7 months pregnant so through the parenting plan he was ordered to provide all transportation for his visits he did that for 3 months sept-dec and I voluntarily did it for 3 Jan-April by means of 3 car rentals and greyhound( I have family i was visiting in nyc) also I was giving him the benefit of the doubt because I thought he was still wirkjng part time. Once we went to court for the joint custody I learned he was working full time and bringing in far more than myself. I then filed for child support. The support began coming through in January 2016
In April if 2016 I went back to work and couldn't feasibly request weekends off that would give me enough time to get her to him by bus. At that time he said he was no longer "making that trip". This went on for 6 weeks all of which I still have my schedule to prove I was working on those weekends and was also taking public transportation anywhere I had to go. I still didn't have a car.
He's ordered to the first 4 weeks of summer for his visit. Seeing how he calls my daughter and she calls him I felt it would ease things if I informed him that our daughter would be with my now fiancé (who still works in NYC and was visiting) while I went to work. This was the last week of school. His words were you're going to leave my daughter with the "next man" I asked if he was going to keep her and he said He'd let me know. Later on he called saying bring his daughter to him. He's a very high conflict individual and is good at degrading me by calling me various vulgar names. In order to not go through a ln ugly fight I did what he asked. This caused her to miss the last week of school.
Our daughter went for her summer visit sept 17. Which would have made it 5 weeks instead of 4. Knowing that she had a rough time last year and he brought her home after only 3 weeks I suggested he let her come home after 4 weeks instead of 5 furthermore I recommended that since he works over nights and his wife works days for him to put our daughter in day camp so that he could sleep during the day he refused. Whenever I called my daughter stated her dad was asleep. I never pressed the issue further.
4 days after his summer visit began he filed a violation of visitation and custody stating he went 6 weeks withhout seeing his daughter, that I tried to shorten his summer visit, she missed a week of school and I had her lie to him. Now truly knowing how insensitive and verbally abusive he could be I didn't inform him that I had gotten ill (fibroids) in NYC at my parents house and didn't feel safe traveling back hom with the kids. I never had my daughter lie to him, saying I have inappropriate conversations in front of our daughter any diss agreement we've had over the phone wasn't in my daughters presence.
Finally this October after a year of him paying support he still hadn't placed our daughter on his health nsurance.' Which he was ordered to do last September. I asked him about it periodically with him giving me various excuses. I recently became employed with the state of New York and have to enroll for health insurance. On October 4th I asked him about the he health insurance and he finally admitted it would cost too much. I told him we would have to go back to court. On October 11th he signed paperwork with his lawyer requesting primary custody of our daughter. The allegations were:
My daughters attendance last school year (never mentioning his refusing to let her stay home with my fiancé) nor did he ever stress to me thahis he knew sbout her tarried and attendance which didn't warrant a childrens services case or anything.
I'm Neglecting her medical needs(I sent him pictures of her up to date immunization record and he's accessed all of her physical information and I have all of her emergency room and dr office reports from all of her visits.
My daughter is low weight for her age and height. Her dr has stated no concern about her weight with me ever. I send her multivitamins which her dr recommended for her appetite, but he's so adamant on me not sending her with anything that he wouldn't even open her bag to give them to her. Furthermore he knows that we both have been addressing her appetite with her dr since she was 3 and the dr at that time wasn't that concerned. Her weight isn't a new finding. She's in the lower percentile for girls her age that's all. I'm 39 102 lbs with 3 children.
He stated I denied him access to our daughter. I have 225 pages of call history to prove he hardly calls her. I was only able to go as far back as may to August. I have to request August to dec once dec is here.
He stressed that if she's with hI'm she won't have to travel long hours by bus(she loves the bus ride) in order to visit my fiancé. I have fame let in NYC and would travel there with or without my fiancé being there.
Would him neglecting to pay her ordered health insurance and lying to the judges face before being found in willful violation have any bearing on this custody case in reference to him being medically neglectful. The judge refused to allow him to enroll her now stating that I add her and he is to pay his pro rata share.
On our daughters last visit he finally decided to open her bag and pulls out her underwear and sniffs them, then says your underwear smells like cigarettes. Who smokes around you. My daughter informed him I smoke in the patio outside.
He never had anything nice to say about anything I do. Telling her her shoes are too big but the shoes are her size, he wishes her hair would grow, her coat or other things I buy are too big or look used. Everything is new.
One visit she was crying because she didn't want to gang up the phone with me at bedtime and he rushed her off the phone. My daughter informed me that he threw her pj's at her chest and slammed her room door. Perhaps upset because she wanted me I don't know.
Also he told her if she lies to him he's going to hit her.
He's already asked if she wants to live with him and she said no.
He puts her in a scale every visit. During her 5 week visit she went from 37 to 40 lbs. she stated she would be full but couldn't leave the table.
I learned all of these things by simply asking. How was your visit?
I had a good relationship with his wife but now she's questioning my daughter on every visit. The baby sitter stated she had to correct my daughters answered to her dad about what time I work and when I pick pick her up. I've already informed him of that.
Please help. I don't want to stop his visitation all together I just want his dragging me in court at a whim in order to harass me.
The neglect allegations are from march And my daughters been low weight since she was 3 and he addressed these issues with the courts in October after I filed a support violation against him.
I submitted texts to my lawyer showing how I try and effectively co-parent and communicate with him.
