I have full physical custody and ex said he wants joint. lives in another state

[Mommy2one]

Jurisdiction

California

I won full physical custody back in October and ex was awarded visitation. one week in winter and 2 weeks in summer. He left his visitation early last yr because he said he had to go back to maryland(I live in California and he lives in Maryland). He also cancelled winter 2016 visitation. He is telling me 3 weeks out of the year is not enough. How can it not be enough when hes missed his visitation to begin with? How can it not be enough when he said it was too hard and would drop my son off way before designated time? y son also has health problems. My son will be 2 next month and he is telling me he wants my son to fly to Maryland 50%of the year or live with me 1 year and live with him one year. How likely is this? I cannot fathom him being able to care care of my son and fear how my son would be.

 

[KatDini]

While a judge may give him joint LEGAL custody (decision-making ability), there is little to no chance that a judge is going to agree to that sort of 50-50 physical custody across the country (unless both parents agree). It's a cruddy schedule for any child, frankly, especially once they get school-aged.

 

[Mommy2one]

While a judge may give him joint LEGAL custody (decision-making ability), there is little to no chance that a judge is going to agree to that sort of 50-50 physical custody across the country (unless both parents agree). It's a cruddy schedule for any child, frankly, especially once they get school-aged.

Hi Kat, thanks so much for replying. He was awarded joint legal custody although I feel that was the wrong decision as well. He had not seen my son in almost a year, no contact or communication and because he is in the army, the judge made him out to an upstanding citizen. I was representing myself at the time and she would not give me more time to submit evidence of his mental health issues he is hiding from the army. My son had 2 major surgeries before 8 months old and he was not present. I had health issues and my son was in NICU for a month and he kicked us out literally saying he will get my son when hes older and healthy but he is too focused on his career to worry about his. He never stayed at NICU with me and I have been raising my son on my own. I don't see how he could possibly have any type of say in any legal aspects of his life especially health wise. He refused to administer medication on time and said he could do whatever he wanted with his time. My son also has developmental therapy and he refuses to follow recommended advice to help my son as well. I was hoping to get more proof in order to get full legal custody.

In your opinion though, how much more visitation do you think he could get? He has already been ordered to be the one to fly out here for the visits.

 

[KatDini]

He's not using all his visitation now. What makes him think he's going to get more?

 

[Mommy2one]

He's not using all his visitation now. What makes him think he's going to get more?

we use talkingparents and for this summers visitation, he just messaged me today and told me hes helping his friend move to california and will be here the end of April. I told him April is not summer but he can see my son on his birthday may 1st if we are in town but he cant just pick whenever. Then I told him june july or august would work best. He then googles when summer ends (late sept) and then chose that date. Then he says I am denying him visitation and refusing to compromise. Very shallow, rude and manipulative

 

[leslie82]

we use talkingparents and for this summers visitation, he just messaged me today and told me hes helping his friend move to california and will be here the end of April. I told him April is not summer but he can see my son on his birthday may 1st if we are in town but he cant just pick whenever. Then I told him june july or august would work best. He then googles when summer ends (late sept) and then chose that date. Then he says I am denying him visitation and refusing to compromise. Very shallow, rude and manipulative

If you are following the visitation schedule per the court order then you're doing the right thing. If he wants to he can file a motion for contempt but he's going to look like a moron when the judge sees he's missed the majority of his visitation time. If his visitation is in summer, then it's summer. If you allow him to visit while he's in town, then he can. If not, oh well. He needs to suck it up.

If you want full legal then you have to file to modify and bring up everything you stated. He can ask for more visitation but when the judge sees him not using what he gets (hopefully) the judge says no.

Trust me I understand what your situation is like although I'm the active duty servicemember in my situation. Our daughter has had serious medical conditions since birth but we didn't know until she was six weeks old. My ex has never been there for her. He would leave the hospital to go get high. He hasn't paid much child support since the divorce. He didn't even show up for the divorce. So he has no visitation schedule luckily for me.

What is the language of the court order about summer visitation?

 

[Mommy2one]

If you are following the visitation schedule per the court order then you're doing the right thing. If he wants to he can file a motion for contempt but he's going to look like a moron when the judge sees he's missed the majority of his visitation time. If his visitation is in summer, then it's summer. If you allow him to visit while he's in town, then he can. If not, oh well. He needs to suck it up.

If you want full legal then you have to file to modify and bring up everything you stated. He can ask for more visitation but when the judge sees him not using what he gets (hopefully) the judge says no.

Trust me I understand what your situation is like although I'm the active duty servicemember in my situation. Our daughter has had serious medical conditions since birth but we didn't know until she was six weeks old. My ex has never been there for her. He would leave the hospital to go get high. He hasn't paid much child support since the divorce. He didn't even show up for the divorce. So he has no visitation schedule luckily for me.

What is the language of the court order about summer visitation?

Thank you fro responding and sorry to hear about your situation