In the best interest of the child

A

auntiej

New Member
Jurisdiction
North Carolina
I am in search for any information and advise to help with my issue. I feel that in the best interest of my nephew (and myself and husband's) emotional well-being I should try to win some type of visitation of my nephew. And this is why... I took care of my nephew who is now 6 1/2 years old for probably about 85% of the first 4 1/2 years of his life. He would come to my house and stay sometimes 72+ hours without either parent coming by or calling to check on him. He averaged spending 16-20 nights a month at my house and all stays were at least 24 hours. His mom and dad never paid me for the care, maybe provided diapers, formula and/or food 2 times, I also provided all clothing while he was here. They signed my nephew in 3 day a week 3 hours a day preschool which I mostly took him too and picked him up from. My nephew is now in 1st grade and I have been volunteering in his classroom since he started elementary school. I am there in his classroom at least 3 days a week now. A little over a year ago my brother found out that his wife had been cheating on him for about 3 1/2 years, so yes my nephew, her son was ONLY about 2 when she decided that being with this other man was more important then spending time and taking care of her infant. Myself and my husband did everything we could to keep my brother from divorcing her thinking it would be the best thing for my nephew. She gives us total credit for their continued marriage, but she has always had a problem with me. She is jealous for the relationship that I have with her son, which is totally because of what she chose as a priority in her life. After my brother decide to stay things started to change. She/They started cutting us out of my nephews life. My brother wanted my nephew with her at all times when he was not in school or she was not at work, because he reasoned that if he is with her she can not be cheating. Well because of her jealousy she is constantly trying to get my brother mad at me and has finally accomplished her goal. They have said we are not allowed to see him anymore. Because over the last year they have slowly been decreasing the amount of time we see my nephew I have started noticing changes in him. He is becoming more withdrawn and is not the happy, happy child he used to be. Even his mom finally admitted to me that he does seem as happy and what they are doing is hurting him, but they do not really care about his feelings they are very selfish, childish and spoiled. I am very concerned as to how this is going to effect my nephews emotional well-being, he is a very kindhearted and emotional child. We developed a parent-like relationship with him he has become very emotionally attachment to myself and my husband as we also have to him. My husband, his uncle has eaten lunch at school with him more the both his parents. There is so much more so I hope I am not leaving anything out that might be relevant.
 
auntiej said:
I am in search for any information and advise to help with my issue. I feel that in the best interest of my nephew (and myself and husband's) emotional well-being I should try to win some type of visitation of my nephew. And this is why... I took care of my nephew who is now 6 1/2 years old for probably about 85% of the first 4 1/2 years of his life. He would come to my house and stay sometimes 72+ hours without either parent coming by or calling to check on him. He averaged spending 16-20 nights a month at my house and all stays were at least 24 hours. His mom and dad never paid me for the care, maybe provided diapers, formula and/or food 2 times, I also provided all clothing while he was here. They signed my nephew in 3 day a week 3 hours a day preschool which I mostly took him too and picked him up from. My nephew is now in 1st grade and I have been volunteering in his classroom since he started elementary school. I am there in his classroom at least 3 days a week now. A little over a year ago my brother found out that his wife had been cheating on him for about 3 1/2 years, so yes my nephew, her son was ONLY about 2 when she decided that being with this other man was more important then spending time and taking care of her infant. Myself and my husband did everything we could to keep my brother from divorcing her thinking it would be the best thing for my nephew. She gives us total credit for their continued marriage, but she has always had a problem with me. She is jealous for the relationship that I have with her son, which is totally because of what she chose as a priority in her life. After my brother decide to stay things started to change. She/They started cutting us out of my nephews life. My brother wanted my nephew with her at all times when he was not in school or she was not at work, because he reasoned that if he is with her she can not be cheating. Well because of her jealousy she is constantly trying to get my brother mad at me and has finally accomplished her goal. They have said we are not allowed to see him anymore. Because over the last year they have slowly been decreasing the amount of time we see my nephew I have started noticing changes in him. He is becoming more withdrawn and is not the happy, happy child he used to be. Even his mom finally admitted to me that he does seem as happy and what they are doing is hurting him, but they do not really care about his feelings they are very selfish, childish and spoiled. I am very concerned as to how this is going to effect my nephews emotional well-being, he is a very kindhearted and emotional child. We developed a parent-like relationship with him he has become very emotionally attachment to myself and my husband as we also have to him. My husband, his uncle has eaten lunch at school with him more the both his parents. There is so much more so I hope I am not leaving anything out that might be relevant.
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So you're being a nice aunt...and? You have no rights to him. They are his parents. They have rights over him. You don't. You are not going to be able to get any kind of visitation order put into place to see him. If his parents don't want him to see family members they don't have to.

If you have evidence of any neglect or abuse you call CPS. Otherwise there's not much you can do. People stop seeing family members all the time and yes, it sucks that kids suffer but there is legally nothing you can do.

Maybe someone with legal experience knows differently but based on my understanding of this there's nothing about aunt/uncle rights in any state. There are barely or no grandparents rights laws in most states.

I took care of my ex stepson for the first 4 1/2 years of his life when I was off and on with his dad and then friends with him. Do you think I could go fight for rights to see him? No. Legally I'm a stranger and even when I was his stepmom I would not have been able to fight for custody once he was put in foster care two years ago. His dad (my ex husband) should have but didn't. It sucks to see kids suffer. I know. But legally nothing to do about it.
 
I read this :


North Carolina law recognizes two grounds for a non-parent's standing to seek custody against a parent:

  1. The non-parent has a parent-like relationship with the child; or
  2. The non-parent has a biological or adoptive relationship with the child and there are allegations of abuse, neglect, unfitness, etc. against the parent.
To establish the first ground, the non-parent must allege facts showing that he or she has assumed parental duties for the child for some period of time and has an emotional attachment to the child. For example, this may be shown if the non-parent:

  • Takes the child to school,
  • Attends parent-teacher conferences;
  • Teaches the child,
  • Buys the child all of her or his clothes and other necessities; and/or
  • Takes the child to medical and dental appointments.

and so I was hoping I had a chance.
 
auntiej said:
I read this :


North Carolina law recognizes two grounds for a non-parent's standing to seek custody against a parent:

  1. The non-parent has a parent-like relationship with the child; or
  2. The non-parent has a biological or adoptive relationship with the child and there are allegations of abuse, neglect, unfitness, etc. against the parent.
To establish the first ground, the non-parent must allege facts showing that he or she has assumed parental duties for the child for some period of time and has an emotional attachment to the child. For example, this may be shown if the non-parent:

  • Takes the child to school,
  • Attends parent-teacher conferences;
  • Teaches the child,
  • Buys the child all of her or his clothes and other necessities; and/or
  • Takes the child to medical and dental appointments.

and so I was hoping I had a chance.
Click to expand...

Hmm someone forgot to copy the second part of that page:

"To establish the second ground, the non-parent must allege a biological relationship (such as being the child's grandparent, aunt, or uncle) and must also allege facts relating to abuse or neglect of the child by the parent – for example, a parent's failure to provide a safe or suitable home for the child, or the parent's emotional instability."

Did you not see there were TWO parts to a non parent getting custody? You have to also show facts of abuse or neglect. Nothing you stated shows neglect or abuse of the child by the parents.
 
Actually I did see that there are TWO parts... but I also read it thoroughly and saw that it says "OR". Meaning you only have to prove ONE.
 
auntiej said:
Actually I did see that there are TWO parts... but I also read it thoroughly and saw that it says "OR". Meaning you only have to prove ONE.
Click to expand...


File your court proceeding, time will tell....
 
Yeah there are three sides to every story too...yours, the other person and the truth. File away and see what happens. Maybe go talk to a lawyer and see what the most up to date information is on this too.
 
Wow. This has been the least helpful forum I have ever come across. I hope others get more help then has been offered to me.
 
auntiej said:
Wow. This has been the least helpful forum I have ever come across. I hope others get more help then has been offered to me.
Click to expand...

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If you want legal advice go see a LAWYER. You found the information you needed doing a Google search on your own. That's all anyone on here will do is search the laws in your state. But you will not get legal advice from anyone but an actual lawyer.

It's really funny how people who don't hear what they want to hear say "wow this is the least helpful place I've ever been." No one is going to know what will happen. You have to go to court to find out what will happen but before that you have to talk to a lawyer.
 

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