Is getting full custody possible?

[luckyduck727]

My boyfriend and I had a little boy back in July of 2010 and we were not married or ever married so the county set up a court date for custody and child support even though we were together and both living at my mother's house. We were living at my mom's because his house was under construction. While together, I agreed to 50/50 custody and placement not thinking we would one day not be together. Now we are not together and he takes him maybe twice a week whenever is conveniet for him. He takes our son to his house which is undergoing construction(down to the studs and exposed insulation, no kitchen, no bedrooms.) Our son sleeps in a pack-n-play in the living room and my ex sleeps on the couch. Also, I pay for all the expenses (daycare included). When my son does go with his father, I have to pack a diaper bag full of supplies. I buy the diapers, formula, baby food, water, wipes, EVERYTHING when the court order states we must each pay for our son's expenses when he is in our care. He thinks he should not have to pay for anything other than child support. When I get the diaper bag back, my son's fruits or vegetables have not even been eaten so he is not keeping him on the schedule I'm working so hard on. What are my chances of getting full custody if I take him back to court? Will him not stepping up to take him half the time and his house being unsafe a good enough reason to change the court order?

Also, I found out he has been dropping our son off at a baby sitter's house when he does have him. I have told him if he needs a sitter while he has our son, I would drive to come get him and watch our son for him. He has ignored this. Is there a way the court can tell him he needs to contact me as his first choice of sitters?

 

[mightymoose]

Typically you have the first right of refusal, meaning that if it is his visitation time and he can't be with the child, he should offer the child back to you before finding a sitter.
You can go back to court and try to modify your visitation order to have specific days for visitation. Maybe every other weekend or something of the sort. Until you have a new order don't get yourself in trouble be restricting visitation on your own.
If he is paying child support then he IS pitching in for diapers, formula, etc. If you don't feel like the amount you receive is enough then perhaps you should seek an increase in support. Since you aren't together now you might be able to get a little more.
The condition of his house won't be an issue unless you can prove that it is unsafe for the child.

 

[luckyduck727]

I'm not worried about the money... I can support him on my own... and plus I have yet to receive any payments from him! I just contacted child support about that today. And I have all the money he will be paying going into a savings account under my son's name... my goal is to save it for him.

I have never told my ex no. Everytime he has asked to take him, I have let him, even if it interferes with my plans.

He also does not have a driver's license. Can I get in trouble knowing this and letting him drive my son around or is that all on him?

I don't see how his house is safe. I have contacted the building inspector and my ex doesn't even have a certificate of occupancy to be living there himself. The only room completed in that house is the bathroom!

 

[mightymoose]

Well if you want to get your point across, stop providing him with a fully loaded diaper bag. Let him get his own supplies.... unless you think is so irresponsible that doing so would cause your child to suffer.
It sounds like what you really need to do is be less accommodating. You have never told him "no, and perhaps you need to start doing so. Allow him reasonable visitation, but don't let him interfere with you anymore. If he is unhappy with the amount of time he is getting then let HIM petition the court and go through the motions to change the order. As long as you don't have an order that specifies certain dates for visitation you will not get into any trouble for denying visitation when it interferes with your plans. "As agreed" custody orders are pretty much unenforceable because they are so vague.

As for the driver's license- that right there is all the reason you need to deny him visitation... unless he plans to walk away with a stroller or something. one could quite easily argue that it is irresponsible of you to allow him to transport your child in a vehicle when you know that he is unlicensed to drive.

Let him get himself sorted out and stop catering to him. If he wants to visit with his child he can become more responsible.

To be clear, I am not suggesting you deny the ex visitation with the child- just suggesting that you be less accommodating and stop allowing him to interfere with you, especially if you have legitimate concerns regarding his care for the child.

 

[Proserpina]

Another problem is the timing - this court order is not even a year old. The court may not be impressed with trying to modify at this early stage.

Also, ROFR is not standard language in WI - it usually needs to be specifically requested.