Is Three Days a Week Fair for Phone Visitation.

D

dd209

New Member
Jurisdiction
Florida
I have a daughter and not married to the father. I relocated from Fl to CA. The father filed for an emergency return and it was denied in court. We are now going through custody issues. I have since remarried and the father offers no support whatsoever. He only surfaced when he found out I was leaving and was no where to be found before that. We have accommodated phone visitations 3 days a week for the past two months and now want to go on vacation for 10 days. The father says that is unfair and unreasonable for us to be out of contact with him for so long and has threatened to tell his lawyer. My question is can we take a vacation and pause the phone visitations without repercussions? There is nothing in writing saying we have to do it anyway. My new husband has been the sole provider and feels the father doesn't have any grounds since he offers no support and we have been accommodating. Is three days a week fair enough for phone visitation?
 
If there are no court orders regarding the phone visits, then you don't have to do anything. However, if you expect to be going to court soon you might want to be as cooperative as possible. I would think even on vacation you could find the time for the phone calls.
 
dd209 said:
I have a daughter and not married to the father. I relocated from Fl to CA. The father filed for an emergency return and it was denied in court. We are now going through custody issues. I have since remarried and the father offers no support whatsoever. He only surfaced when he found out I was leaving and was no where to be found before that. We have accommodated phone visitations 3 days a week for the past two months and now want to go on vacation for 10 days. The father says that is unfair and unreasonable for us to be out of contact with him for so long and has threatened to tell his lawyer. My question is can we take a vacation and pause the phone visitations without repercussions? There is nothing in writing saying we have to do it anyway. My new husband has been the sole provider and feels the father doesn't have any grounds since he offers no support and we have been accommodating. Is three days a week fair enough for phone visitation?
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Your husband legally has no say in this matter and he should do well to keep his mouth shut honestly. I'm not trying to be mean but if your ex finds out your husband is trying to play daddy it can possibly hurt you in court. Whether you like it or not you chose this man to be your child's father. I know - I have a douchebag ex husband who is the father of my daughter. I was very stupid to ever allow myself to be impregnated by him but I did. Now I have to deal with the fact half of her DNA is him and that he is her father even if he doesn't ever act like one.

Technically you can leave and not let him call but why can't the father call the child while you're on vacation? I mean it's just phone conversations and you are going to have your phones right? So what's the big deal if he talks to the child on vacation?

It could possibly hurt you in the custody hearing if you were allowing phone contact then suddenly stopped because it inconvenienced you and his lawyer could totally spin it against you.

I guess I'm confused - are you stopping the phone calls for 10 days or keeping the 3 days a week? I don't get why he would be mad about what you've been doing for 2 months.
 
leslie82 said:
Your husband legally has no say in this matter and he should do well to keep his mouth shut honestly. I'm not trying to be mean but if your ex finds out your husband is trying to play daddy it can possibly hurt you in court. Whether you like it or not you chose this man to be your child's father. I know - I have a douchebag ex husband who is the father of my daughter. I was very stupid to ever allow myself to be impregnated by him but I did. Now I have to deal with the fact half of her DNA is him and that he is her father even if he doesn't ever act like one.

Technically you can leave and not let him call but why can't the father call the child while you're on vacation? I mean it's just phone conversations and you are going to have your phones right? So what's the big deal if he talks to the child on vacation?

It could possibly hurt you in the custody hearing if you were allowing phone contact then suddenly stopped because it inconvenienced you and his lawyer could totally spin it against you.

I guess I'm confused - are you stopping the phone calls for 10 days or keeping the 3 days a week? I don't get why he would be mad about what you've been doing for 2 months.
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No we are keeping the three days a week but want to pause as it is an inconvenience. The father has never shown so much interest until now and is doing this only to try to get me back. All of the conversations he had before was solely directed at me trying to get me to leave my husband and come back to him. I am aware that being cooperative is the best thing and we have done that by making time for three days a week. All we want to do is take a break for 10 days and then resume the schedule we set up.
 
dd209 said:
No we are keeping the three days a week but want to pause as it is an inconvenience. The father has never shown so much interest until now and is doing this only to try to get me back. All of the conversations he had before was solely directed at me trying to get me to leave my husband and come back to him. I am aware that being cooperative is the best thing and we have done that by making time for three days a week. All we want to do is take a break for 10 days and then resume the schedule we set up.
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So you're going to stop allowing the calls for 10 days during the vacation? Oh it's an inconvenience to you? What about your child? That's who matters. The child has been talking to his father 3 times a week for 2 months and now you want to stop it because it will effect you and your husband? Is it really that much of an inconvenience to let the kid talk to the dad for an hour 3 times a week? Or however long you have it?

It is unreasonable for you to stop what you have been doing for the last two months. That's the way the judge will see it if you do this and your ex brings it up in court. And he will.

I'm sure he's just trying to get you back...it doesn't matter. Legally you can "pause" the phone calls but if you do it's going to hurt you in court. Also it doesn't matter if he was absent before he's trying now in the eyes of the court. There's a very low threshold to be a parent in this country and parents get a million chances at it through the court.

It's up to you but if I was about to go to court and I had been allowing my ex to talk to our daughter 3 times a week I wouldn't "pause" it for a vacation. I'm not risking looking bad in front of the judge.
 
leslie82 said:
So you're going to stop allowing the calls for 10 days during the vacation? Oh it's an inconvenience to you? What about your child? That's who matters. The child has been talking to his father 3 times a week for 2 months and now you want to stop it because it will effect you and your husband? Is it really that much of an inconvenience to let the kid talk to the dad for an hour 3 times a week? Or however long you have it?

It is unreasonable for you to stop what you have been doing for the last two months. That's the way the judge will see it if you do this and your ex brings it up in court. And he will.

I'm sure he's just trying to get you back...it doesn't matter. Legally you can "pause" the phone calls but if you do it's going to hurt you in court. Also it doesn't matter if he was absent before he's trying now in the eyes of the court. There's a very low threshold to be a parent in this country and parents get a million chances at it through the court.

It's up to you but if I was about to go to court and I had been allowing my ex to talk to our daughter 3 times a week I wouldn't "pause" it for a vacation. I'm not risking looking bad in front of the judge.
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Thank you. This is the kind of feedback I am looking for.
 

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