Kids misbehaving and not being successful at school

[fotb]

I wanted to get some feedback on the options available to parents when their kids are misbehaving and not doing well in school. Ex and I divorced Fall of 2012. It's been a year, yet not much has changed.

My oldest son had nearly 30 absences at school last year and had a low homework completion. He was also diagnosed with Autism. Due to him not mastering the skills for his grade, they had to held him back. I did manage to get him Special Education services and attended all of his IEP meetings. His mother has denied him needing any special services and having autism. Luckily, best interest of the child and joint legal/educational decision making allowed me to get him the help he needs. He continues to struggle with school. Plus, he is not going to any of his prescribed therapy.

My youngest son is also struggling in school. He has a noticed speech delay so I got the school to evaluate him for Speech Therapy. The evaluation was delayed because, again, the ex declined services. Again, I managed to get the school to do it as it was for the best interest of the child and staff members had also noticed a need. I took him to get an evaluation on his gross motor skills and was found to need therapy. Again, ex declined to take him to therapy. He is misbehaving at school and has other markers pointing to autism. I scheduled him for an autism screening, but ex didn't allowed me to take him on her time. I manage to move it Thanksgiving, which is my week.

On top of the medical, the kids are not getting their homework done. I only technically get them for 2 hours on school days, yet I have helped them complete 2/3 of the homework for the year. Ex declines to take the youngest to tutoring, even though it was requested multiple times. I finally got the teacher to offer him tutoring in the mornings on the day I drop them at school. The oldest is also scheduled to go to tutoring, but has only done so twice. Again, ex has declined to take him on a consistent basis. Another thing is that I have managed all the educational meetings, school enrollment, etc since the divorce. She hasn't attended any of the IEPs for the kids. She even declined the Speech evaluation of the youngest!

I continue to help them as much as I can, but I don't get many weekdays with them. I have joint legal and physical custody of the kids. I have them every weekend night (Fri-Mon) and an evening dinner during the week. She has them Monday through Friday overnight. Trying to get my sons help feels like moving a mountain due to their mother making it hard.

What are my options? Do I need to get more documentation before requesting a modification of custody? Should I start with something simple such as a motion to get her to take them to tutoring and do their homework? Keep in mind that all diagnostics and school issues are post-divorced. The one-year freeze on custody modifications lapsed already so i don't have that extra legal hurdle to navigate.

One of my main issues is money. I don't have much left after paying child support. I also got screwed on taxes. I've had the kids close to 55% of the time in 2012, yet she gets to deduct them per the divorce decree. She also owes me about $10k ($1k on medical bills, the rest unpaid bills she was ordered to pay in the decree).

It's a nightmare. I just want my kids to be successful. Any advice would be accepted.

 

[mightymoose]

There are resources out there that will be useful to you, but you just have to find them.
Find a local contact for the United Way and start there. They can point you in the right direction for the help you need.

You can also look into modification of custody/visitation orders but should seek legal counsel before pursuing anything like that.

 

[fotb]

Thanks Mighty. I have reached out to several non-profits and have taken classes for parents of children with ASD. I just have limited choices on what I can do with an uncooperative ex. It's been really frustrating.

 

[Proserpina]

How old are the children? (There's a reason I'm asking)

 

[fotb]

5 and 6, both in Kindergarten. In TX, once enrolled (and if older than 6), the attendance is compulsory.

BTW, atrendance is not too b ad this year. Main thing with ex is lack of honework support, not taking them to tutoring (they are both way behind their peers), not allowing me access to get theit medical needs taken care of, etc.

 

[Proserpina]

Okay, thank you for clarifying.

Had the kids been older, a court would likely take the view that it's up to the kids themselves (yes, even with learning disabilities and/or ASD) to make sure their homework is done.

Because the kids are so young, they do need more guidance but by the same token, the court may not see it as a huge deal because they're so young. I know, I know - it's a double edged sword.

One other thing - you're entitled by law to have access to their medical and schooling information. Start asking the pediatrician and other providers.

 

[fotb]

Thanks, I kind of figure I need to keep recording this for longer. I do have access to their records when I bypass her. The thing that i meant was that I don't have them at a convenient times to take them to doctor visits and therapy. I offered to take then, but she has denied me the access to take them. I'll keep on taking the high road and hope she comes to her senses.

BTW, bow long of this should I take before going to court? Two years of school records? Three years? I only ask because the ex has an older child that dropped out of school during Middle School on the pretext of being homeschooled. I don't want my kids to end up like her.