SummerSong
New Member
OK, long and convoluted...
I have worked for the same boss for 5 years and through a few different companies. About 1.5 years ago, we had gotten to the point where we had known each other well enough that we talked about more personal topics. He told me about how his marriage was open, that his wife saw other people, etc. etc.. He further told me how dead his marriage was, how there was no love in it, and other things that made it clear that he was not happy. I found all of this interesting, but didn't conceive of it as flirtation because it wasn't presented that way.
Then not long after, he told me that his wife had suggested that he and I start sleeping together. She was no longer interested in sex but knew he needed it, she knew we were good friends, she knew we traveled a lot for work together, and she would prefer he sleep with me than with strangers while he was in other countries. At first I didn't buy this, but he went to great lengths to convince me that she genuinely approved of us sleeping together, including what must have been fake phone conversations had in my presence that backed up this claim.
I tell you all of this because I want it clearly understood that I went into this relationship thinking it would be nothing but a casual frustration release on long stressful trips overseas, and that I never would have started sleeping with this man if I hadn't believed his wife approved.
But of course, nothing is simple. After a few months, this man told me he was in love with me. I yelled at him for it because he was breaking the 'rules', but acknowledged that I was starting to feel more too. But I told him that I could not go further with him unless he left his wife, so he told me he was going to get separated. Meanwhile, we became quite seriously involved, going on vacations together, spending all of our time together, etc.. Eventually he told me that the divorce papers had been delivered to his wife and things were underway for him to be divorced. So he started spending all of his time at my house (except for when he was traveling, sometimes with me, sometimes not), and started becoming part of my family (I have two children). Since he spent virtually all of his time with me, I had no reason to suspect that he was not indeed separated from his wife.
He's been basically living with me for a year, but he moved in with me officially two months ago. For the last year, he has met and spent time with all of my family and friends, told all of our work colleagues that we are together, played a father role to my children, gone on family vacations with us, shopped for a house to buy with me, etc. etc. - just like any normal relationship between two people who plan to get married.
I just found out a few days ago that not only has he not left his wife, but he is still very much in a relationship with her. He had covered all of the time he spent with me by telling her he had to move out of country for a period for work. He knew she would not want to go because all of their family and their kids' friends are local. So she thought he was overseas carrying on a long distance marriage with her via phone and email etc. but instead he was basically living with me. I have no doubt that this man had every intention of keeping both families going forever.
But I busted him and kicked him out, and made him tell his wife. They have decided to try to work things out. Good for them.
But the bigger problem is that now I have lost everything. I am invested in a business partnership with him that I can't abandon because I've put so much money in and because it's my only prospect for income right now (which also leaves me unable to get away from him totally, unfortunately). I can't get another comparable job because my career is in a very niche field and completely wrapped around him. I'm not going to get the home I was promised or the future financial security that was assured by our relationship. My children are heartbroken, and I am devastated. Most of all, I feel like the dumbest, most gullible person on earth.
I have heard of women suing men who keep them in relationships under false pretenses. Is this a possibility for this situation?
I have worked for the same boss for 5 years and through a few different companies. About 1.5 years ago, we had gotten to the point where we had known each other well enough that we talked about more personal topics. He told me about how his marriage was open, that his wife saw other people, etc. etc.. He further told me how dead his marriage was, how there was no love in it, and other things that made it clear that he was not happy. I found all of this interesting, but didn't conceive of it as flirtation because it wasn't presented that way.
Then not long after, he told me that his wife had suggested that he and I start sleeping together. She was no longer interested in sex but knew he needed it, she knew we were good friends, she knew we traveled a lot for work together, and she would prefer he sleep with me than with strangers while he was in other countries. At first I didn't buy this, but he went to great lengths to convince me that she genuinely approved of us sleeping together, including what must have been fake phone conversations had in my presence that backed up this claim.
I tell you all of this because I want it clearly understood that I went into this relationship thinking it would be nothing but a casual frustration release on long stressful trips overseas, and that I never would have started sleeping with this man if I hadn't believed his wife approved.
But of course, nothing is simple. After a few months, this man told me he was in love with me. I yelled at him for it because he was breaking the 'rules', but acknowledged that I was starting to feel more too. But I told him that I could not go further with him unless he left his wife, so he told me he was going to get separated. Meanwhile, we became quite seriously involved, going on vacations together, spending all of our time together, etc.. Eventually he told me that the divorce papers had been delivered to his wife and things were underway for him to be divorced. So he started spending all of his time at my house (except for when he was traveling, sometimes with me, sometimes not), and started becoming part of my family (I have two children). Since he spent virtually all of his time with me, I had no reason to suspect that he was not indeed separated from his wife.
He's been basically living with me for a year, but he moved in with me officially two months ago. For the last year, he has met and spent time with all of my family and friends, told all of our work colleagues that we are together, played a father role to my children, gone on family vacations with us, shopped for a house to buy with me, etc. etc. - just like any normal relationship between two people who plan to get married.
I just found out a few days ago that not only has he not left his wife, but he is still very much in a relationship with her. He had covered all of the time he spent with me by telling her he had to move out of country for a period for work. He knew she would not want to go because all of their family and their kids' friends are local. So she thought he was overseas carrying on a long distance marriage with her via phone and email etc. but instead he was basically living with me. I have no doubt that this man had every intention of keeping both families going forever.
But I busted him and kicked him out, and made him tell his wife. They have decided to try to work things out. Good for them.
But the bigger problem is that now I have lost everything. I am invested in a business partnership with him that I can't abandon because I've put so much money in and because it's my only prospect for income right now (which also leaves me unable to get away from him totally, unfortunately). I can't get another comparable job because my career is in a very niche field and completely wrapped around him. I'm not going to get the home I was promised or the future financial security that was assured by our relationship. My children are heartbroken, and I am devastated. Most of all, I feel like the dumbest, most gullible person on earth.
I have heard of women suing men who keep them in relationships under false pretenses. Is this a possibility for this situation?
