Minor rights for visitation

[070470met]

My daughter is 11 years old. Her father has been gone since she was 5 years old. He left the state of California to work in another state. He comes out once a month to see her on a weekend (not every month, he misses at least two visitations a year). We began this with monitored visitation (because of his actions, this was court ordered). Visitations were going well, so after a year, I allowed him to take her by himself. For the last 10 months, she cries during the ride for me to drop her off and tells me she doesn't want to see him anymore. I don't know what to tell her and I feel horrible leaving her with him. I know he is not sexually abusing her (that would be anyone's first reaction), he is just a jerk, not very loving, extremely selfish and treats her like she is 2 years old. Knowing this, it has been very hard for me to encourage their relationship, but I have always felt that she will make her own opinion of him someday. Well, that is now starting to happen. I have only been able to coach her in how to deal with this situation, but it is getting worse for her. For the last visitation, she almost didn't get out of the car. He witnessed this and told her she was being a baby and to stop crying. He is "supposed" to call every Sunday but that rarely happens. When he called last night, he told her that he wasn't coming out this month and she is very happy about that.

I am struggling watching her go through this. I think it is so wrong for children to be forced to see a parent in any situation. I know if that were me, I would take a different approach and try to figure out the issue rather than forcing her to do things she doesn't want to do. He is only causing resentment, he is not helping their relationship. I found out from some parents on her soccer team that when the girls asked her where her dad was, her response was, "he died". We have gone to counseling, but what came of that is she feels the way she feels, her grades are great, she is the perfect kid. The only issue in her life is her dad.

I want to know if she has any rights now or if she has to grin and bear it until she is of age.

 

[army judge]

The man you chose to donate the sperm that created a wonderful child was okay then. The court is gonna say, he's okay now. You chose him, madam.

Had you known then, what you know now, you may have made other choices. Sadly, the bell has been rung. You can't go back.


She must endure this oafish, selfish, lout; because YOU chose him. You are forced to take the child to be with this creep. That, alone, should tell you volumes about the deadbeat bum!


If the court order doesn't require you to drive her to him, why are you assisting that bum in making the child's life a nightmare?




I'd stop taking her to see him. I'd require him to come and get her. He won't. If that happens, her fantasy about his death will be realized.




He won't call. That should also make you very happy.






I'd speak with a psychologist or psychiatrist about her proclamations of her dad's death. That is a serious concern in my book.

Otherwise, tell him, that if he wishes to exercise his visitation; you'll no longer drive her to see him. Tell him, he must come and get her. After all, he moved.

I'd also have her examined to see if there are any signs of sexual abuse. The psychiatrist can direct you as to how to proceed.

I'd also stop taking any child support. If he sends it, I wouldn't spend it. I'd save it for the child. I'd give it to her when she turned 18.

 

[mightymoose]

I'd stop taking her to see him. I'd require him to come and get her. He won't.

Agreed. If the order does not specifically state who will transport then don't take her. If he shows up to pick her up then you will have to let her go, but don't make it easier for him.
If he doesn't like that you have stopped bringing her then it is up to him to go to the court and get the order modified to address transportation.

That said- in the visitation orders I have read it almost always addresses transportation. The one with the child typically delivers to the other, or to whatever location is specified.

Read your visitation order. Abide by it, but do not do anything more than what it specifically says you must do. If dad doesn't like it he can take the matter to court. He most likely won't.