Mother-Dearest wont let me live with Dad.

[alexkwilson]

I am in great distress...
I'll be 16 in two weeks, I've wanted to live with my dad since I was 11. My mom is 39, has two full grown sons, and I'm her only daughter but she just had a $6000 surgery to get her tubes untied to have another kid with a man 17 years older than her. She's irresponsible, immature, rude, and selfish. She can't take care of anybody and she won't allow me to live with my dad even though he's much more stable, takes care of me, loves me, doesn't ignore me, doesn't smoke in the house, doesn't yell at me when he doesn't get his way, and actually acts like a parent.

Here's the more detailed version:
For as long as I can remember, everything my mom has told me had been a lie. She used to tell me that I was a miracle baby because she had been on birthcontrol when she got pregnant. She had decided not to tell my dad that she hadn't taken the shot. Technically, I was her first planned pregnancy. My half-brothers are currently 21 and 20. I will only be 16 soon. After me, she got her tubes tied. Apparently three was plenty.
I have never lived in one house longer than two years with my mom, she's constantly moving around! When her and my dad divorced, I was only two, but my dad has lived in the same house since I was a year old. My mom has moved out and in his house and finally, the last time she moved out I was eight. With my mom I have moved a total of twelve or thirteen times and we're moving again after only one year even though she promised me that we'd stay in that house until I was out of highschool. She never keeps her promises so I don't know why I expected that one to come true.
My mom has lived with two boyfriends (at different times, and cheating on my dad with them, separately) who we ended up living with, I would only meet them once or twice before mom would make us move in with him. Thankfully neither of the two have been child molestors or rapists. And now, at age 39, she thinks it's a good time to get her tubes UNTIED and have a fourth child with her 54 year old boyfriend. I still don't like him.
My mom and dad cannot be in the same room with one another. Mom trash talks my dad all the time, my dad used to but stopped when I asked him to. My mom always gets her way. She puts on the waterworks like a three year old. She makes me cry myself to sleep every night because she mentally, emotionally, and physically abuses me. The physical aspect has only been on two occassions and not to an extreme, but enough to leave a bruise or two, and both times my hair was yanked, leaving me with a throbbing headache. On the emotional, she has compared me to the responsibility of taking care of a dog. She belittles everything I say or do. I'm at my witt's end and don't know what to do. Dad wants to have me full time and neither of us wants to let her have visitations. If we have to, we want them to be supervised. Right now my dad and I cannot afford any lawyer, he just got out of surgery for something he NEEDED (not wanted like my mother, who had a selfish $6000 surgery to have another kid just to keep her boyfriend, who by the way, is deep in the pockets, just like all her other boyfriends) and we have gone over our dental and medical insurance.
We need expert advice! What can we do?!

 

[army judge]

We don't get to choose our parents.
Parents don't choose their kids.
We sometimes get lucky, and some of us get stuck with bad kids or bad parents.

You'll soon be 18.
You're a minor.
The law says you're a legal incompetent.
That means, you have no standing to appear before a court.
In fact, the court need not take notice of you. You, legally, don't exist.

So, what can you do?
Nothing. Remember, you have no standing.
Dad can ask the court for a hearing and attempt to wrest custody of you from mom.
Dad can ask the court to hear what you have to say.
The court will sometimes hear you out.

Mom can request a hearing and do the same thing.

If dad or mom can't (or won't) do anything, you're stuck where you are.

But, perk up, you're not sentenced to life with mom.

In two years you'll be an adult.
You'll no longer be a legal incompetent.

In fact, all you have to do at 18 is simply walk away.
You'll be free to do anything you want. You can go anywhere you want.

You can live with dad. You can live under a bridge. You'll be free!

Time will fly by. You'll be an adult in no time. Until then, barring any changes made by the court, you'll just have to make the best of it. Stop worrying about mom. Worry about you. Try to get good grades and a good education. Don't worry about what mom does, just "do you"!!!!

 

[Proserpina]

..and one more teeny thing...

...even if you're allowed to express your preference, Dad still needs to show a significant change in your circumstances, if he wishes to stand any chance at getting custody changed.

 

[lonelyinny]

no

I am in great distress...
I'll be 16 in two weeks, I've wanted to live with my dad since I was 11. My mom is 39, has two full grown sons, and I'm her only daughter but she just had a $6000 surgery to get her tubes untied to have another kid with a man 17 years older than her. She's irresponsible, immature, rude, and selfish. She can't take care of anybody and she won't allow me to live with my dad even though he's much more stable, takes care of me, loves me, doesn't ignore me, doesn't smoke in the house, doesn't yell at me when he doesn't get his way, and actually acts like a parent.

Here's the more detailed version:
For as long as I can remember, everything my mom has told me had been a lie. She used to tell me that I was a miracle baby because she had been on birthcontrol when she got pregnant. She had decided not to tell my dad that she hadn't taken the shot. Technically, I was her first planned pregnancy. My half-brothers are currently 21 and 20. I will only be 16 soon. After me, she got her tubes tied. Apparently three was plenty.
I have never lived in one house longer than two years with my mom, she's constantly moving around! When her and my dad divorced, I was only two, but my dad has lived in the same house since I was a year old. My mom has moved out and in his house and finally, the last time she moved out I was eight. With my mom I have moved a total of twelve or thirteen times and we're moving again after only one year even though she promised me that we'd stay in that house until I was out of highschool. She never keeps her promises so I don't know why I expected that one to come true.
My mom has lived with two boyfriends (at different times, and cheating on my dad with them, separately) who we ended up living with, I would only meet them once or twice before mom would make us move in with him. Thankfully neither of the two have been child molestors or rapists. And now, at age 39, she thinks it's a good time to get her tubes UNTIED and have a fourth child with her 54 year old boyfriend. I still don't like him.
My mom and dad cannot be in the same room with one another. Mom trash talks my dad all the time, my dad used to but stopped when I asked him to. My mom always gets her way. She puts on the waterworks like a three year old. She makes me cry myself to sleep every night because she mentally, emotionally, and physically abuses me. The physical aspect has only been on two occassions and not to an extreme, but enough to leave a bruise or two, and both times my hair was yanked, leaving me with a throbbing headache. On the emotional, she has compared me to the responsibility of taking care of a dog. She belittles everything I say or do. I'm at my witt's end and don't know what to do. Dad wants to have me full time and neither of us wants to let her have visitations. If we have to, we want them to be supervised. Right now my dad and I cannot afford any lawyer, he just got out of surgery for something he NEEDED (not wanted like my mother, who had a selfish $6000 surgery to have another kid just to keep her boyfriend, who by the way, is deep in the pockets, just like all her other boyfriends) and we have gone over our dental and medical insurance.
We need expert advice! What can we do?!

youre stuck where you are untill youre 18. mom doesnt have to let you do anything. you are legally a child and for the next two years, whatever mom says goes, like it or not. it doesnt matter what you want you have no say in the matter for now. this is between your mom and dad anyway.

 

[alexkwilson]

I want to note that I admit I sounded childish in my thread, however, it is not for childish reasons that I wish to live with my father. The time will not fly by. I realize that it's only two years before I actually have a choice, I have no money, I have no rights. But I know that I have been able to express a preference in my guardian for many years. I know that crying myself to sleep, living with an alcoholic, inappropriate, abusive mother is NOT a healthy way to spend those last two years. The last time my dad tried to pick me up because she had pulled my hair and threatened me, she called the police on HIM. She sped down a 45mph speed limit road at 80mph. WITH a pitbull in MY lap that kept hitting the seatbelt so it kept coming undone. In a two-seater car. That is not safe. When I reached for my phone, she was on hers, had no hands on the wheel and snatched at my phone so I couldn't call my dad, scratched my cheek with her nail and freaked the dog in my lap out. Now put yourself through that experience once and try to tell me that time will fly by.

 

[alexkwilson]

I want to note that I admit I sounded childish in my thread, however, it is not for childish reasons that I wish to live with my father. The time will not fly by. I realize that it's only two years before I actually have a choice, I have no money, I have no rights. But I know that I have been able to express a preference in my guardian for many years. I know that crying myself to sleep, living with an alcoholic, inappropriate, abusive mother is NOT a healthy way to spend those last two years. The last time my dad tried to pick me up because she had pulled my hair and threatened me, she called the police on HIM. She sped down a 45mph speed limit road at 80mph. WITH a pitbull in MY lap that kept hitting the seatbelt so it kept coming undone. In a two-seater car. That is not safe. When I reached for my phone, she was on hers, had no hands on the wheel and snatched at my phone so I couldn't call my dad, scratched my cheek with her nail and freaked the dog in my lap out. Now put yourself through that experience once and try to tell me that time will fly by.

Also, I am a good kid, Im in IB and I'm one grade away from straight A's. I'm smart and I know what's right and what's wrong. I'm also very "perky" but being told I'm less important than a current boyfriend or even a dog deflates that feeling of happiness, wouldn't you say?

 

[army judge]

I want to note that I admit I sounded childish in my thread, however, it is not for childish reasons that I wish to live with my father. The time will not fly by. I realize that it's only two years before I actually have a choice, I have no money, I have no rights. But I know that I have been able to express a preference in my guardian for many years. I know that crying myself to sleep, living with an alcoholic, inappropriate, abusive mother is NOT a healthy way to spend those last two years. The last time my dad tried to pick me up because she had pulled my hair and threatened me, she called the police on HIM. She sped down a 45mph speed limit road at 80mph. WITH a pitbull in MY lap that kept hitting the seatbelt so it kept coming undone. In a two-seater car. That is not safe. When I reached for my phone, she was on hers, had no hands on the wheel and snatched at my phone so I couldn't call my dad, scratched my cheek with her nail and freaked the dog in my lap out. Now put yourself through that experience once and try to tell me that time will fly by.

Also, I am a good kid, Im in IB and I'm one grade away from straight A's. I'm smart and I know what's right and what's wrong. I'm also very "perky" but being told I'm less important than a current boyfriend or even a dog deflates that feeling of happiness, wouldn't you say?

If you feel abused, threatened, fear for your safety, neglected, or abandoned; help is but a telephone call, text message, or shout away.


You are always FREE to dial "911", immediately.


Or, you can wait until MONDAY and tell one of your teachers, a school counselor, or the school principal.
All of those people are MANDATED reporters.
They will take it from there, and you'll be rescued.



Your state's child protection agency will rescue you from the clutches of your evil, mother, along with the local constabulary.
They'll put you in a group home, a state facility, or in foster care.
If your dad gets involved, he might be able to help you avoid all of that.

Other than doing what most folks suggested above, those are your choices and options.

 

[daniellenicole]

When I was 12 I picked where I wanted to live.You need to tell your dad how you feel and insist he file papers and get the ball rolling.Good luck.

 

[Proserpina]

When I was 12 I picked where I wanted to live.You need to tell your dad how you feel and insist he file papers and get the ball rolling.Good luck.

There isn't SINGLE STATE in this entire country which allows a 12 year old to choose where they want to live.

In one state, an older teen CAN make the decision. But even then, there still needs to be a change in circumstances.

And in the other 49 states, many courts won't even consider the wishes of the child.

Unless BOTH parents agree (which is apparently your case), Dad will STILL need to show a change in circumstances.

OP's wishes are not enough.