Mother's Care

[olderthandirt]

My mother remarried 7 years after my father died. They have now been married for 27 years. My mother (88 years old) is in a nursing home with late stage alzheimers. My stepfather is 90 and may have to go in an assisted living facility. He has told me in the past that he and mother had agreed when they got married that "what was hers was hers and what was his was his" but nothing was in writing. He now tells me that he has spent all of my mom's money (greater than $250,000) on her care. He is very well off and told me he has set aside several hundred thousand to care for her if he dies with any remaining funds going to his family. It is possible that mom will outlast these funds. What do I need to do in this situation. His estate will be worth several million. I would not be able to keep her in the type facility she is now in if his funds run out. What steps should I take in this situation.

 

[olderthandirt]

Let me asked this another way. What rights would my mother have after 27+ years of marriage for continued care if 1. Her husband stops paying her bills or 2. He files for divorce and leaves her out of his will? I live in a different state and visit there about 6 times a year. He has several children by another wife and I'm not sure what will happen if he is unable to control his affairs. Who has the right to speak for her?

 

[calalily]

It is my understanding that if the state is community property state, then anything earned and accurued during their marriage should be shared. If he dies before her, get a copy of the will/probate whatever, and hire an attorney to contest the will if neccessary. If he divorces her, make sure she is represented by a lawyer (not his) because she does have entitlements through the marriage. If he divorces her, he can leave her out of the will. If he stops paying her bills while still married, get a lawyer to represent her and same if he falls ill and his children stop taking of her.

 

[lwpat]

The next time you visit set up an appointment with a local elder care attorney. You can find a list at the NAELA website. She is entitled to a portion of his estate irregardless provided she outlives him. In that situation someone will need to be named her guardian.