My sons girlfriends mom wants to put a restraining order on him

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caleb34

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my 13 year old son's girlfriend was sneaking out and coming over in the middle of the night, my wife and I did not know about this, her mom found out and is threatening to file a restraining order against him, aren't restraining orders meant to protect people from harm, can she be granted one, and if she is will her daughter get my son in trouble if she approaches him, after all she is the one that was coming into my house without me knowing about it.
 
Ok it would not be impossible to get this order however its very unlikely. In fact the girls parents might find themselves being talk to by social services. However this is not a good relatinship an dyour son shouyld not be allowing her in at night or anytime if her parents do not approve. I would tell your son that the relationship is unsafe for all parties and you (the parents) are putting an end to it
 
I'm sort of at a loss as to how a 13 year old is managing to have a 12 year old sneak inside! But, I suppose if the rooms are situated right, it can happen.

It's time to clamp down on junior, and hopefully work with the girl's parents to resolve the problem and forestall a restraining order.
 
Im pretty sure we have put an end to him sneaking her in at night, but the situation remains of him walking her home and seeing her at school, the mom is dead set against her seeing him at all, but I don't see how they can consider him a threat. This teenage girl has a therapist, I think there is alot of instability in her family, but I also understand what it is like to be a teenager, I didn't always do what my parents told me to.
 
Doesnt matter if hes a threat or not. Parents have 100% control over who their minor child assocaites with! Fact she sneaking out going to your home, without your knowledge to see your son is BIG concern! You need to take action with your son now!
 
I don't know that they would be able to articulate good cause to compel a court to issue the order, but I am not sure if the requirements require a threat of harm or merely unwanted contact. My experience has been that there has to be some reason to believe harm would come to the child. Since SHE was sneaking out to meet him, and they are roughly the same age, I don't know that a judge will be willing to slap an order on something that should be handled by tighter parental control.

If it were my son, just seeing the girl would be enough to get him grounded, etc. Taking away cell phone and computer access (if he has them) would be a good start ... these are often used to arrange meets.

http://law.findlaw.com/state-laws/protective-orders/kansas/

- Carl
 
Ok no one has said it so I will. What are these two doing while in your home and your asleep!? This should be a huge concern. Your son does not need to start Fathering children at 13! Once more "you" need to put your foot down on this as cdwjava explains!
 
thanks for the advice, I will do my part to lay down the law, I just hope that it doesn't push them closer together, oh yeah, I made a mistake, he is 14 and she is 13, they will both be in highschool next year, we have given him the sex and pregnancy talk over and over again, and warn him about how it could drastically change his life, we do our best to stay in his business and know where he is at all times, some how he slipped this one by us.
 
After you forbid him contact with her contact her parents to let them know! Just for thought. I had a friend who had a daughter around 12 or 13 who had a history of running away, stealing and destroying others property. Most of this was done when parents were sleeping. hard to defend you would think. Heres what they did they placed a tin can (soda can) on her door knob. If she opened the door the can fell. This woke one or both parents. They would go investigate and stop the negative action before it started. If all she was doing was going to bathroom then once she returned to room can was replaced. The nighttime thefts and runaways stopped!
 
Does he have a cell phone? If so, consider taking it away for a while or adding some for om nanny programs that allow for contacts to and from only people you approve of. Most major cell phone providers have these programs available. They also have tracking programs available, too.

Same with computers. If he has a computer,perhaps restricting or removing intenet access would be a good idea - even the house phone.

You need to make sure that this relationship is quashed before it becomes a REAL problem for him. A restraining order will be a huge inconvenience for him as he gets older ... imagine not being allowed to go to a high school dance or a football game because she might be there! And, of course, if a child comes along, he can expect to be working to make child support payments well before he is out of high school.

Yes, kids can sometimes get by us. But, we as parents need to take steps to correct these problems when they appear.
 
I think an order could be issued. What reason does this girl have to be sneaking in to the boy's bedroom in the middle of the night, and for what reason is the boy allowing it? If not a restraining order compelling the two to avoid contact, there is at least the possibility that social services will get involved with both families since the parents seem unable to control their children. If there has been any sexual contact at all the child can be taken from the home.

It is at the extreme end of the spectrum, but I can see the girl being removed from the home and the boy being placed on some sort of informal probation. I can also see a huge civil problem between the parents if they don't get their kids under control fast. Both sets of parents are very much at fault for allowing this to happen.

If either parent called me to complain about this I assure you a social worker would be there within an hour.
 
my son has agreed not to make contact with her, but she keeps trying to come by, then today, the police the came by twice while I was at work because the parents couldn't find her, her dad who is split up with her mom also came by, and her mom was accusing my son of hiding her which he obviously wasn't. One of the officers tried telling my wife that my son could be charged as a sex offender, which I think was out of line, I personally don't think anything happened, the girl said nothing happened, and my son said that he just wanted to see her because she hadn't been in school all week, which is no excuse, he knows that sneaking her in was wrong and we have dealt with him, I think it is time for her mom to quit making him out to be a criminal and start being a parent to her daughter.
 
The officer was likely providing an extreme example of what MIGHT happen. Far too often parents brush this stuff of as inconsequential, and sometimes officers use a heavy hammer, or the obviously unlikely one, to ram the point home that action must be taken.

In any event, as long as everyone is acting to keep these two apart, maybe things can get back to normal.
 
Why don't YOU get an order of protection against your son's little paramour? You need to put an end to this immediately. Do you think all this subterfuge is occuring so they can do their homework? Stop it now, or their will be a baby in their lives! Does it matter who gets the order? Come on, both parents should work together to save those kids from really screwing up their lives!


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because my understanding is that a restraining order will go on his record, like I said before I am handling him, her mom needs to focus on her daughter and leave my son alone. What they did was wrong, but like everyone is saying, we need to make sure that this doesn't happen again, and stop pointing fingers.
 
caleb34 said:
because my understanding is that a restraining order will go on his record, like I said before I am handling him, her mom needs to focus on her daughter and leave my son alone. What they did was wrong, but like everyone is saying, we need to make sure that this doesn't happen again, and stop pointing fingers.
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As much as the girls mother needs to restrain HER child, YOU NEED TO RESTRAIN YOURS.

This is a case of two children who's parents are no willing to parent.
 
ok, thats enough, like everyone else has completely perfect children that never do anything wrong, Nobody is perfect, we try to be good parents, but some how he slipped one past us, we just had a baby and have been a little preoccupied, but still I hold myself accountable for my part in letting this happen, and am doing what I can to keep this kind of thing from happening again. As for her mom, she continues to try and harrass me and my family, she has even made comments to my son on facebook, she needs to grow up and be accountable for her own actions. And quit acting like he is the devil.
 
OK, so Mom is getting upset that her daughter is seeing this kid, even though HER daughter is the one "prowling" around, and now has started to make comments to him on Facebook? Sounds like mom is going to start being an issue too. I would contact the mom and tell her that #1 she is not to contact your son again. If she has any issue with him, to contact you. And #2, if she makes any further contact you will get a restraining order against her. Also tell her that her daughter keeps trying to contact your son, and if she doesn't stop you will get a restraining order against her.

The last two parts (about getting restraining orders against them) are really more hot air than anything, but from what it sounds like, she doesn't really understand what's involved in actually getting one, or what's required. So it might be time to turn her ignorance against her, and it just might work.

In any event, go start with this website: http://www.womenslaw.org/laws_state_type.php?statelaw_name=Restraining%20Orders&state_code=KS

It might help answer your basic question here.

I would say that it's obvious that your son has done the deed with this girl, and to everyone else here, I'm going to say that I think the OP knows this, but probably doesn't really want to visit that part of this, at least not here. Whatever the reason of the visit, let's put that aside for this thread.
 
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