My teenage daughter wants to live w/her Dad full time...

[therealchristine]

I live in CA, abt 2 years ago I lost my job and my condo. I have gone through some major depression but now I have been working solidly for about 7 months. My daughter is almost 16, we got in a fight and she went to live w/her Dad. Being 16 can she decide what the custody will be? When we filed for divorce we did a verbal agreement of 50/50...NOTHING IN WRITING! What can I do as a parent? I feel that I am losing everything? If I have her just every other weekend am I entitled to any child support? Can I force a third party to monitor this situation? Please help I do not know what to do at this point.

 

[Proserpina]

Normally I'd be inclined to ask why you're letting your CHILD choose where she wants to live. She's the CHILD - not the parent. She doesn't get to make that decision. She does NOT get to choose where she lives - until recently there was only one state in the country which allowed a child (at 14, actually) to choose (Georgia), but even that has recently been stricken from the statute.

With that being said.... since she's 16, a protracted custody battle is likely to estrange you both even further and could alienate you from her in the long term and I'm sure neither of you really want that.

If you have her EOW you should not be receiving child support, no. Dad would have the right to file himself and you'd likely end up paying him.

Now, are you saying that there is NO custody addressed in the divorce, at all? Nothing?

When did you get divorced?

 

[therealchristine]

I am not letting her decide where she lives her Father is. He always complains about paying child support but he has always paid. In the divorce it states that we each have 50/50 custody but he didn't want to go to court and get it mandated because he would end up paying me a lot more at the time than he wanted. His friends were all going through divorces and made about the same money and knew what he could be paying me and he didn't want to pay that much period! For me it was easier doing this because of his anger and I didn't want him to take it out on our daughter (which was almost 6 years ago). We got divorced about 6 years ago and he agreed to pay child support and spousal support for the first 5 years and then just child support until she was 18. We were married just a little shy of 10 years. He never was really around when our daughter was growing up and now he trying to buy her and I just can't do that. I agree his household is much more stable right now than mine but I need to try to fix the relationship with my daughter and this seems like it is just pushing up further apart...which I do not want...I love her.

 

[Proserpina]

If you're already estranged and she WANTS - as implied in your first post - to live with Dad...honestly, I'd seriously think about letting her stay with Dad.

It may be your best shot at repairing the damage.

However, legally, you do have options. You can go and pick her up and insist she comes back with you. Or, you can go back to court and have the order modified to reflect that she must come back to live with you.

But again, you've really got to start thinking long term here.

 

[jlo25th]

i second everything thats being said, i confused as to why in the custody order or divorce thing it does not state who as physical custody...i assume its you since she has been with you. i would reccomend going back to the courts and asking for physical custody with joint with the father. However, with you daughter being 16, if it goes to court, most judges take into considerations where the child wants to stay. But the judge also looks into the best interest, and if you are a better fit for the child then the child would come back home. Speak to a court clerk and try to get a custody hearing, or get the arrangement modified

 

[therealchristine]

Thank you for all of your advice. I think talking with a court clerk and getting a hearing is a great idea and put everything in writing is even better. I never thought it would get to this point but I think it is wise for all parties at this time.

Do you know if we are able to get this modified if counseling could be mandatory? I would like her to be able to talk with someone.