Need help... Trapped

[avalynn86]

I have been married since January 10, 2009. My husband keeps threatening to divorce me and stop paying all the bills. I do work but his income is almost three times that of mine. I am starting to feel trapped and need advice on what to do.
Today he choked me and tried to push me to the floor. I don't know what I can do. If I don't file a report, can I still have the divorce rushed under domestic violence? If I do file a report who will be resposible for the rent and utilities of the apartment?
If I proceed with a divorce, is there anyway that he can be resposible for a majority of our debt? Can he be resposible for my legal fees? I was debt free until we married and everything is under my name since he has terrible credit.

 

[army judge]

I have been married since January 10, 2009. My husband keeps threatening to divorce me and stop paying all the bills. I do work but his income is almost three times that of mine. I am starting to feel trapped and need advice on what to do.
Today he choked me and tried to push me to the floor. I don't know what I can do. If I don't file a report, can I still have the divorce rushed under domestic violence? If I do file a report who will be resposible for the rent and utilities of the apartment?
If I proceed with a divorce, is there anyway that he can be resposible for a majority of our debt? Can he be resposible for my legal fees? I was debt free until we married and everything is under my name since he has terrible credit.

If your life in in jeopardy, call "911" immediately!!!
Don't worry about a few bills and food, its YOUR life we're talking about here.
If he's beating you, injuring you, and battering you; call "911" and get out while he's in jail.
Illinois (like most states) won't allow men or women to abuse and batter each other.
Domestic violence can lead to serious injuries, and sometimes death.

Today you say he choked you and beat you down to the floor.
You should not delay in calling the police.
There is help available for you, if you reach out and get it.
You have a voice, but it can only be heard if you speak out!

I'm not going to respond about the debt and the rest of that mess, because your life is in danger.
Call "911" when you read this.
Tell the police.
They will help you.
They will get you medical care and take you to safe place to stay.
For the love of God, get out of there right now!

It isn't your fault that he beats and abuses you.
You do not have to take it.
You do not have to explain.
He has a big problem.
Please, call "911" and get help.

 

[Duranie]

First of all your bills and debt are the least of your worries. This guy is extremely abusive. Your marriage is SO short it is very unlikely you will get much support. You need to call the police and file a report. Also file a RO. When you marry a guy with bad credit that is a heads up that he doesnt care about his credit so he doesnt care about yours either. If you are going to claim DV you need to prove it. Get out of this marriage now.

A domestic violence shelter should be able to help you, also legal aid. But you need to document and report the abuse.

 

[avalynn86]

I don't want him to go to jail. I just want documentation of the incident. I do not have any marks or bruises on me. He did not "beat me down." He kept pushing me off the bed and tried pushing me onto the floor. I pushed him back and that is when he put his hands around my throat. He did not apply much pressure but he still put his hands on me.
The reason he has terrible credit is not really his fault. While he was in school participating on a team he was injured. The school is responsible for all medical bills. The hospital instaed of billing the school billed him and he was unaware of it until recently. He has gotten one of the medical bills off his report but because of this he was never able to get credit cards. He has basically no credit history, which is why everything was put under my name.
I know I should report this incident. I know it should be over. Thank you for your advice.

 

[BayState]

I don't want him to go to jail. I just want documentation of the incident. I do not have any marks or bruises on me. He did not "beat me down." He kept pushing me off the bed and tried pushing me onto the floor. I pushed him back and that is when he put his hands around my throat. He did not apply much pressure but he still put his hands on me.
The reason he has terrible credit is not really his fault. While he was in school participating on a team he was injured. The school is responsible for all medical bills. The hospital instaed of billing the school billed him and he was unaware of it until recently. He has gotten one of the medical bills off his report but because of this he was never able to get credit cards. He has basically no credit history, which is why everything was put under my name.
I know I should report this incident. I know it should be over. Thank you for your advice.

You have lost all credibility. Make up your mind if you were assaulted or not.

BTW: I volunteer in a DV Shelter.

 

[abusedwife]

Trapped by Domestic Abuse

You are right. You are trapped. That is what domestic abuse is all about. Trapped by power and control. It doesn't matter that he pushed you off the bed in response to what you did, or put his hands around your neck but didn't squeeze, this is abuse. I know what you are describing from personal experience. I said I didn't want my husband arrested when he hit me the first time over 12 years ago. I said I didn't want my husband to be separated from our kids, or have supervised visitation. But over that 12 years, he repeatedly abused myself and our oldest child, mostly verbally, but the abuse escalated to the point where he became violent and threw things around. He was eventually arrested and ordered to move out of our house. In retaliation, he filed for divorce, which was inevitable anyway. In hindsight, I wish I had left the first time he hit me. It is a miserable situation.
You need to go to a domestic abuse education program. Your eyes will be opened to your situation. I can only assure you that it will get worse.
Please help yourself now.