Non custodial parent not wanting to be with the kids during his timeshare...

[fl_mom]

Jurisdiction

Florida

I have been divorced since 2007, kids are now almost 14 and 10. I am primary custodian and am working 2 jobs to make it. My child support amount granted to me in a modification by Department of Revenue in 2010, is $54 a month, yes, a month. We have another modification set for next Friday. Not expecting much from it and most likely will be filing my own Petition for Supplemental child support. My main concern is the children at this point. The agreement is that I have them 60% of the time and dad 40%. But, since the spring, the kids have not wanted to go with dad on many weekends as he has been driving them almost 3 hours away to go visit a girlfriend, now wife. This has resulted in me having them more time. He also has not contributed to the oldests sports, which I have in proof in text that he would get him to games and practices while it is his time. However, last weekend was his weekend and he said he couldn't bring him to the game three hours away. I had to take off from my second job and handle it with no financial help. Then I found out that our youngest son was left behind at his brothers house while he went to the wifes house 3 hours away. He is self employed and I feel that he is deliberately working less to show less income. He has also been on 7 vacation at the least since June, that I know of. I feel that the kids are constantly being disappointed and hurt and it's not fair to them nor to me as it is affecting my job/s. I will never tell me kids that they can't come stay with me, but always tell them they need to ask their dad since it is his time. Should I go for a custody agreement that would give him less time with them? Obviously, I would have to give up second job. I just feel like dad is checked out and his new wife and her daughter are more important. That was the reason my oldest son told me he didn't go to his game this weekend. It's hurtful and heartbreaking. Help please!

 

[army judge]

No parent is required to use the agreed upon visitation time.
The court can't order a lazy deadbeat to do so, either.
All you can do is document everything.
As far as a deadbeat working fewer hours, or not working at all, there's nothing the court can do there, either.
Occasionally a deadbeat might be sent to jail for a few days, here and there maybe, but nothing more.
Many custodial parents never collect a dime in past due child support.

Therefore, all you can do is assume the deadbeat will do nothing, pay nothing, and continue to disappoint the kids.

You shouldn't bad mouth the deadbeat, or ever discuss his failures with the children.

You should simply grin and bear it.

You should plan your life without expecting the $50 he's supposed to pay, or more if it gets increased.

The courts won't second guess your decision to have two children with him.

Just keep trying to be the best mother you can, knowing that he'll never change, improve, or be a father.

 

[ElleMD]

If Dad is now living 3 hours away, you may need to modify the visitation schedule to reflect that. Expecting him to drive 6 hours for a one hour game is not realistic. I would work out a carpool arrangement with another family on the team.

While you can't force Dad to take them, the kids should not be permitted to skip visits because they don't want to go. His wife is their stepmother whether they like it or not and he is entitled to have them as often as the current agreement states.

If, during his time with them, he leaves the kids with his family, there is nothing wrong with that. Would you prefer the child visit his uncle during your custodial time? If you are working 2 jobs, the kids are spending a good part of the time with you in the care of others. Same goes for time with their father.