Relocate/moving out-of-state with minor child due to parents health

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sunkissed7

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My child's father and I have joint custody with me being the primary parent. Both parents are disabled and recently I have had some additional health problems arise that my drs. have stated that in the long run it would be best to live around family and friends. This requires moving out-of-state as my family that is here is farther away, not well and can't help us. There is no one else here for me to ever rely on.

Do I stand a good chance of petitioning for relocation to be able to take my child and move based on my health AND for stating good cause to why I believe it is in my child's best interest? My child is missing out on the bond with siblings, friends and multitude of extended family on both sides. In this state other than child's parents are 3 other relatives, all of who are not in good health.

I do not want to keep my child from Dad (although many times I feel it might be best) yet it will be a long-distance relationship. I pray Dad will not cause problems in court (I'm expecting that he will). I want to avoid this. I have alot on him from child's doctors notations on medical records, councelor input of Dad's negative implications and notes I've kept that would potentially hurt his case and possibly his visitation rights (without getting into all of them). Although, I will do what I must. I have tryed being as patient as possible and giving time in hopes that Dad does better, although most of the issues continue and I believe will never change. I am not an angry ex and never wish ill to anyone. Do you feel that I should subpoena the councelor to court right away as well? Also, should I be applying for sole custody if Dad does not relocate? Any other help you could give me on what I should include in the petition would be greatly appreciated. I've held off doing this for a very long time, it makes me nervous. Thank you in advance for your help.
 
A few questions.

Where do you wish to relocate?

What is the current visitation plan?

How often does Dad see the child?

Can you afford to pay for ALL transportation to and from Dad?

What is the nature of your disability?
 
I wish to relocate back to CT where we were all born.

Current visitation is father has son 2 overnights wkly. and every other weekend. This would come out to 1 extra overnight with Mother weekly, although father always has some type of excuse for everything and the realistics is that I have my son 2/3rd to his approx. 1/3 of the time. According to the decree, we share and/or swap holidays and other special days. Initially, I had sole custody as I had an order-of-protection on father. Through mediation, with ex. crying, etc. we ended up with joint custody. I was not comfortable with this and felt under duress entering this agreement. That's water under the bridge now.

As for our child, he would like both parents in same state. When we left CT it was with the understanding we could always move back. I was taking a chance trying a new place. I had lived 41 yrs. there and was leaving 2 kids. After a couple of years I wanted to go back but ex. just wouldn't move. I cannot afford the transportation. No. He pays nothing for support as I received an added income under my disability for child. This drives him crazy not to get some of this income.

Nature of disability is MANY things. To look at me you wouldn't know I was disabled, although I was disabled on muscle problems (fibro). Recently I had a stroke (really lucked out without permanent damage), they call this a mini stroke. With this came, Migranes and tension headaches and also now have chronic small vessel disease (heart). Kinda rots, but I take each day with a smile.
 
I hate to tell you this, but given your circumstances I cannot see a judge approving the relocation if Dad fights.

I cannot see any medical reason for relocating from AZ to CT (I'm not a physician but I can tell you that the issues you have listed wouldn't convince a judge), and since you are not able to provide transportation to and from Dad's place, that puts an enormous burden upon him and it would impact his parenting time heavily. If anything, Dad could argue that if you're that sick that you need to move across the country, then maybe HE should have custody...you know?

Dad obviously is involved and this is the main factor. You will have to convince the court that taking the child away from Dad is best (very simply).

What kind of parenting plan are you going to offer Dad? Is there ANY way your family would help you provide the transportation?
 
Family may be able to help with the transportation, but I feel that us as parents should do this. I could split the costs with child's father. I understand the importance of both parents being in a child's life and have always tryed to keep it that way. I haven't shared other issues, but my child was in counceling until recently for 2 yrs. First due to emotional issues of adult issues child's father was talking to child about (the divorce, still wanting to be with me but Mommy doesn't want to keep family together, etc.) of my ex's saying stuff to son and lying and saying bad things to son about me and his sister, but mostly me. The second year was because my son wanted to go back to his councelor (first asked for a judge and policeman) someone who would make Daddy stop lying to him (I never said this to son or talk derogatorialy of Dad.. he figured this on his own). He truly is a pathalogical compulsive liar and no, he has not been clinical labeled as such. The councelor has really gotton to know me and praises me on my mothering with my son. She has gotton to see first hand how son's father is. She speaks on behalf of son and father doesn't listen and goes into his own tyraids. She recently did say to me that it may be a good idea to relocate back to CT so that we (son and I) would be out of the duress and confliction that son's father causes. There was a recent thing my ex had done to son (manipulation was included as well as lying) and the councelor frowned heavily on this. She said if this continues it would be best to keep son from father. She is willing to speak in court.

My adult children have been missing out on getting closer to their little brother and he them. My little one wants to move back to CT but only if Dad comes.

As for my health, I will not be considered as not able to take care of son but because of my health, more strokes and possible heart attack could happen. Therefore, to have the quality of time that I have to be with my family is a grave concern of mine for whenever or perhaps how long I have). Secondly, should I ever need help or support, there is no one here for me. The only person my ex has is he lives with his mother, who is generally unwell also. I was out of the hospital not 48 hrs. and Dad called me to take son as he was so tired and exhausted he couldn't stay awake. Trust me when I say he has a severe problem with this. I believe he overmedicates to stay awake and for pain, then his body finally just crashes. He falls asleep whenever, whereever (even standing.... then slumps over, etc.) you cannot get him to go to bed or stay in it. He falls asleep in this stupor and has burnt so many many things. He even set a fire alarm off 3 times in 1 wk. It is not insomnia or narcolepsy. I took son and had him for the next 8 nights without a call from Dad to make sure I was doing ok to be taking care of son. I was brought up that you do what you have to do. I am a strong willed person, but was very ill at the time. This on top of everything else has proven to me that he is incapable of taking care of son full-time. This is a man who makes excuses all the time why he cannot take son or keep him for his visit, etc. I have kept notes on things for 2-3 yrs. now and father is not great at giving all meds. to son daily as required. My son has a medical condition where he needs cleansings out and father will not or does not do it appropriately. He does not do what is required to help son out with schoolwork and he has fallen behind some. I do try to help pull him around as much as I can when he's with me and I feel I'm always the disaplinarian, staying on top of everything and it takes more of our time of being able to spend some quality fun time together.

I appreciate your response and help. In applying for this petition I guess I'll have to get right down and dirty to show father is not doing his job with son's schooling, health and emotional distress. I wanted to avoid this, but it will be what it has to be. I haven't gotten anywhere with talking to father to get him to ok the move and keep it out of court. It's been 20 months now (on top of the years when we were together). He doesn't want to move, therefore, I have no choice. My son and I miss my other adult children, new daughter-in-law and grandchild.

Thank you again. I hear what you are saying and it does scare me some going to have to go to court. I will minimize my health as a reason, although I do know that law states it takes into consideration the health or the parents and the primary parent. It also states how this affects the siblings.
 
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