Right to erect daughter's grave stone

[kathyms3150]

My 19 year old daughter passed away in an accident in February. Her father and I are divorced, and he's very hostile towards me. I'm trying to make this as brief as possible. He got me to sign a paper making him executor under duress. The issue of getting her stone has been going on for several months. He told me I could chose the stone I want, but now he doesn't like the one I picked. He's just doing this to hurt me. I do own the plot where my daughter is buried. Does that give me the right to put the stone I want there? I have a lawyer, but he's not sure because he's never dealt with this issue before. Everyone I speak to, including the owner of the cemetery says since I own the plot I have the right, but I want to be sure. Thanks.

 

[NY_Shark]

You can put whatever stone you want I think, but the issue would be having the estate pay for it. I would get the one you wanted and then motion the court to surcharge the executor--meaning you would be reimbursed. The executor has to pay for the stone anyway.

Be careful with that scary word "duress" though. Typically courts only recognize duress under pretty extreme circumstances. Like having a gun to your head.

 

[kathyms3150]

Thank you

Hi, I just want to say that I'm originally from NYC, and I sure miss it! Thanks for repyling. So, since he's the executor, my ex, he would have to pay for the stone I like, even though he doesn't like it? It's a gorgeous stone with a heart and an angel, he's just doing this to try and hurt me. I know he would never agree to pay for it, not even half of it. If I knew for sure that I could get the stone I want since I own the plot, I would be willing to pay for the whole thing. I wouldn't want to have the stress of going to court, and maybe risk the judge siding with him. Also, I just found out yesterday that I have cancer and I really don't need the hassle of court. So, do you think if I just went and bought the stone and had it erected, that there wouldn't be anything he could do to have it removed? I did speak to my lawyer a couple days ago and he said he's going to research it, but honestly I don't know if I have much faith in him. This year has just been awful. Thank you again.
Kathy

 

[kathyms3150]

Thank you

Hi, I just want to say that I'm originally from NYC, and I sure miss it! Thanks for repyling. Since he's the executor, my ex, he would have to pay for the stone I like, even though he doesn't like it? It's a gorgeous stone with a heart and an angel, he's just doing this to try and hurt me. I know he would never agree to pay for it, not even half of it. If I knew for sure that I could get the stone I want since I own the plot, I would be willing to pay for the whole thing. I wouldn't want to have the stress of going to court, and maybe risk the judge siding with him. Also, I just found out yesterday that I have cancer and I really don't need the hassle of court. So, do you think if I just went and bought the stone and had it erected, that there wouldn't be anything he could do to have it removed? I did speak to my lawyer a couple days ago and he said he's going to research it, but honestly I don't know if I have much faith in him. This year has just been awful. Thank you again.
Kathy

 

[NY_Shark]

You can be reimbursed the cost of a reasonably priced stone. I don't know the market value of stones, but if you are looking at a high-priced one then you may only be reimbursed for a portion. I don't think he could actually have the stone removed though.

That said, tailored legal advice from your lawyer is always best. Good luck with everything.

 

[jharris352]

For what it's worth I think NY's answer here is excellent.