seeking divorce or annulment

[cst2005]

My husband and I have been married 4.5 years (married in CA, but currently live in VA). Over the last two years or so things between have deteriorated greatly, and we have booth been unhappy. In February he told me that he never really wanted to get married and doesn't want to have kids - although we talked about this at great length before and during marriage and we were always on the same page that we would have them at some point. Now he tells me that he essentially lied to me from day one because he was afraid I would eventually leave him if he didn't propose and promise kids. Upon learning this, I decided to move out of the bedroom and we agreed to an "in-house" separation, because he is unable to financially support himself and has no one else he can stay with (he only works part-time and "lets" me make the money - another huge issue between us). Once we are divorced he will probably move back to CA to live with his parents. In the meantime he has decided he wants to "work on it," which is all well and good, but it really seems like the only reason he wants to do that is because he financially dependent on me and has a pretty good thing going (I pay ALL the bills, cook, clean, do the taxes - in short: EVERYTHING, while he does pretty much nothing). We do own a house together, for which his parents contributed some down payment money, but I pay the mortgage and have taken care of all maintenance, improvement, etc. I'm willing to pay his parents back for what they gave us, and am frankly hoping he doesn't try to go for more.

I know that VA requires a 6 month separation for couples without kids, but I'm wondering if there are other legal steps I need to take to make it "official." Is a separation agreement required? What steps do I need to take before I can file for divorce? I would prefer to go the mediation route, and try to avoid high legal fees. I'm also curious about annulments because I feel like this situation qualifies as fraud/coercion. I am attracted to that idea mainly because it seems to be a faster route.

 

[army judge]

You should consult a VA divorce attorney.

You don't qualify for an anulment.

But, you do have an angle with the inducement.

Proving it might be a stretch.

You don't have to wait the statutory period, however.

All of that is waiverable, by a judge.

If you want out, get cooking on this.

This person is not likely to just go away.

You'll have to have him shooed away, that is why you might need an attorney.

You feel sorry for him and will succumb to his pleas.

Speak with a lawyer and let him/her do the heavy lifting, if you are sure this is what you want.

The initial consult is normally free.


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[bluemann33]

My husband and I have been married 4.5 years (married in CA, but currently live in VA). Over the last two years or so things between have deteriorated greatly, and we have booth been unhappy. In February he told me that he never really wanted to get married and doesn't want to have kids - although we talked about this at great length before and during marriage and we were always on the same page that we would have them at some point. Now he tells me that he essentially lied to me from day one because he was afraid I would eventually leave him if he didn't propose and promise kids. Upon learning this, I decided to move out of the bedroom and we agreed to an "in-house" separation, because he is unable to financially support himself and has no one else he can stay with (he only works part-time and "lets" me make the money - another huge issue between us). Once we are divorced he will probably move back to CA to live with his parents. In the meantime he has decided he wants to "work on it," which is all well and good, but it really seems like the only reason he wants to do that is because he financially dependent on me and has a pretty good thing going (I pay ALL the bills, cook, clean, do the taxes - in short: EVERYTHING, while he does pretty much nothing). We do own a house together, for which his parents contributed some down payment money, but I pay the mortgage and have taken care of all maintenance, improvement, etc. I'm willing to pay his parents back for what they gave us, and am frankly hoping he doesn't try to go for more.

I know that VA requires a 6 month separation for couples without kids, but I'm wondering if there are other legal steps I need to take to make it "official." Is a separation agreement required? What steps do I need to take before I can file for divorce? I would prefer to go the mediation route, and try to avoid high legal fees. I'm also curious about annulments because I feel like this situation qualifies as fraud/coercion. I am attracted to that idea mainly because it seems to be a faster route.

as far marriage annulment I dont think thats going to happen.....In general one of the following grounds for annulment must be met:

The couple was married fraudulently. This can be due to the concealment of a criminal history, impotence, sexually transmitted diseases, etc.
One of the parties didn't have the mental capacity to enter into a marriage contract. (i.e. due to drunkenness or mental disability-lack of awareness they were married).
A close blood relationship exists between the two (consanguinity).
One of the parties were married under duress, threat, or force.
One party was still legally married when the current marriage occurred;
One or both parties were not old enough to be married;
One party was impotent and unable to consummate the marriage.

also I found this for you this may help you with other questions you may have

http://www.divorcelawinfo.com/VA/divorce/divexpln.htm
Good luck to you and hope evrything runs smooth for you