Son wants GF to move out of the apartment which belongs to me

[freespirit1333]

Hopefully some of this will be moot, but I would like to know my rights for the future, just in case.

Here is the situation: I own a building with my business located in it and it has 2 apartments upstairs. I have sometimes stayed in one of the apartments if I'm working really late and just wish to crash there. My 21 year old son has been staying in the other apartment for four years. There is no 'rental agreement/lease' with him. I it is just me taking care of him while he builds his design/art portfolio, and finishes school. He has no job, per se, except helping me around the building on occasion. I also provide him some daily money for meals, as he has no outside 'job'.

About 3 years ago, my son asked if his girl friend could move in with him. I said she could, but no smoking inside the building (she was a chain smoker), and also she couldn't bring her two cats with her. Those were the only real requirements. Supposedly she offered to pay me $600 a month toward the rent, but that never happened. And we never entered into any lease agreement, etc. (If she did maintain that SHE was a valid 'renter', then at this point she owes me about $20,000.)

Her relationship with my son has been quite 'rocky' over the years, and at various times she has moved out, but then they would get back together. A few months ago my son told her to move out, but she wanted to stay and thought they would get back together regardless. But the arguments continued and also grew louder and more intense, to the point he started packing up some of her things and telling her over and over to move out.

Well, not to get into other matters, but the bottom line ended up being that his girlfriend had my son removed and charged him with assault, etc. (He will now have to go through that legal process.)

And she now maintains that SHE has a right to keep living in the apartment.

Technically, because they have been living together, she is considered a 'family member', and also since she has listed the apartment as her primary residence (and relevant or not, she has been receiving her mail here), the only way I can apparently get control of my own apartment back is to evict her, which means my son is not allowed to live in the apartment with her there, but she can stay there for 30 days.

Multiple questions:

At worst case scenario, I would sent the eviction notice, registered, etc., but since it would come to me, not be the one to sign for it, but take the slip from the post office and give it to her to pick up. My understanding is the 30 days starts with my postmark, not her receipt. So I would have to deal with letting her stay there, rent free, without her having any lease or agreement with me, for those 30 days. I would have to provide another place for my son to live during those days.

I have been providing electricity, or course, as well as water. But also, I have cable TV and high speed Internet in there that my son has been using, and presumably, his girl friend has been using too.

All the furniture, books, dvds, cds, TV, etc. in the apartment belongs to me or my son. The only things that belong to his (ex) girlfriend is her clothes.

So, depending on other answers, if she decides to remain in the apartment throughout the entire eviction process, can all the furniture and other items be removed that she doesn't own?

Can the Cable TV and Internet access be turned off?

She has no keys and has never been given keys. But she has the combination for entry lock and the other doors remain unlocked unless she locks them from the inside.

Other issues? She still smokes like crazy and my entire building stinks of smoke and I haven't been able to attract new tenants to offices, etc. She is smoking in the apartment. She also has her two cats in there as well.

Quite a mess, right?

So, just what rights do I have, as owner of the apartment/building?

But more importantly, what can I do to help prevent losing such control over my own building again? How can I realistically prevent my son from having another girlfriend in his life and then telling him that she can never live there with him, just a visit once in while?

Now, the 'moot point' is that hopefully she is moving out as I type this and will be gone for good by her own choice within the next day or two.

Would that mean she cannot come back at some point and demand to stay here? Would the moving out mean that I don't have to start the eviction process? Should I have her sign some sort of 'vacate on own volition' document? I'm trying to keep things 'nice', so I haven't sent any sort of eviction notice, even though I could have done so a few days ago. But I figured that if I did, then for spite, she might dig in her heels and remain for a month. However, if she is not gone by tomorrow, then I will, because she has told me she will be out by tonight. This 'niceness' on my part has already cost me 5 of those 30 days. It could be she is playing me just like she played my son, but I am optimistic that she will be gone and tomorrow I will find her and her clothes gone.

Oh, one more question- A couple years ago my son's gf's mother was moving and didn't have room for their piano, which the daughter/gf wanted to keep. The piano is 'stored', sitting in my own living room at my own house, separate from the building. Also, it was mentioned that a bookcase that is currently in the apartment might not be taken, but left behind and just given.

I'm thinking that anything left in my possession needs to have a transfer of ownership to me...some sort of document that states that she understands that anything remaining in the apartment or my house after today becomes my property, etc., is signed by her and dated today. Good idea?

Thanks for any input!

 

[FlaRiptide]

I'll leave the legal stuff to someone better acquainted...

As for the common sense approach, the moment she appears to have moved out, check out the apartment. If it is void of any personal effects such as clothing, tooth brush, toiletries, etc. then change the locks!

If she is unable to claim ownership of any items left within the apartment upon her departure, then she is officially gone.

If any personal belongings of hers are left, I'd play it safe and continue with the legal eviction.

 

[mightymoose]

You are correct- you must evict her. It does not matter that she doesn't pay rent, it is her legal residence and you can not legally put her out without an eviction order from a judge. The sooner you begin that process, the better. As for your son, unless he has been served a restraining order or otherwise has been ordered not to return to that residence, he can come back as well since it is also his residence. He would know if he was served an order to stay away.

As for serving the eviction notice, have someone do personal service for you rather than using the mail.

You can cut the cable tv and internet if you want, but you can not legally cut the electricity and water.

If the girlfriend ends up moving out she will likely try to take things that do not belong to her. If you need to you can try to have the police present to "keep the peace" as she moves out. Usually any property that is in dispute will stay where it is and they will tell her to take her issue to court and have a judge decide who gets it.

If you want to remove items prior to her actually moving out, you will run into the same problem if she calls police. They don't know what belongs to who, and the items will stay right where they are until a judge issues an order. However you could try it... if she doesn't dispute anything then take all you want. Do yourself a favor and attempt this when she is present, otherwise you will be accused of stealing things that belong to her. If you do it while she is not present you will be in violation of tenant rights and she could sue you. If your son has not actually been restrained, he can go at any time and collect his property.

Her smoking and the presence of the cats is grounds for eviction if those are terms that you set when she moved in.

As the owner, your only real option is to evict. As a father you may be able to act and do some things on your son's behalf if he is restrained.

To avoid losing control in the future you could have every tenant sign a lease with clear terms. Anyone that you allow in could be difficult to remove, so think carefully before you allow them in. Stick to your rules and evict at the first sign of trouble... if the tenant thinks you are a pushover then they will take advantage of you.

Your son is an adult- if he wants a girlfriend to live with him he can get a place where the rules allow for that. You are doing him a favor by allowing him to stay there for free. If he is serious enough about the girl to give up his free apartment then he can take on those responsibilities.

As for the girlfriend, once she moves out and it is clear that she has no intent to return (no personal property remaining) then you need to change the locks. You should still start the eviction process just in case... otherwise you will just have lost time when she suddenly returns after finding out she can't get into a new place, or someone else kicks her out. You can cancel the eviction effort at any time if she does leave.

Yes, you can try and get her to sign something that indicates that she is leaving the piano and bookcase behind and that the items are considered a gift. You don't NEED this, but it will help if she should try to make a big deal about it later... otherwise just leave things where they are. If she comes back for them great... if not, oh well. Otherwise, give her a deadline to pick up the property (30 days) and then sell it since it will be considered abandoned.

 

[Ctryder]

I agree with everything you said except for the last part. I would send her a certified letter on the two items, piano and bookcase, stating she has 30 days to pick it up or it would be consider abandon. She probably does not want to have any association with this person. So sending letter, as you stated how to do it, would be the best thing for her.

 

[freespirit1333]

Thank you all for your replies. Thankfully, last night she moved the last of her things out of the apartment, and basically it has been rather 'amicable'. She still has feelings for my son, and left a few notes for him which I will copy as evidence of her stating that "she has moved out and cleaned up things so it is ready for him". This has been a lot of the problem, as she refuses to move on and let my son move on with his life without her in it. I don't feel it is good to destroy the notes or otherwise keep them, but I will talk with my son about reading them (as was my right as they were sitting open taped to fridge, etc., not sealed in any way, and I surely had the right to enter the apartment to see things were okay today and prepare the apartment/clean ashtrays, etc. before I allowed my son to return).

I didn't feel the need to begin the eviction process, and believe that is still unnecessary, since she has left on her own volition. The copies of the notes will suffice, I assume.

At this point, any mail I receive will be returned to post office with "No longer at this address".

I have inspected the apartment and do not see any of her belongings in there. I feel this chapter is finished and hope my son keeps his resolve to no longer see her or talk with her.

Btw, in her notes, she talks about her saying she had no intention of having my son removed by police, etc., and that she was only concerned for him, and also that she was going to contact whomever she could, but was already told she could not stop any process at this time because it is already a criminal matter. The only thing she can do is show up at the court date in three months and make her statement that she was not pressing any charges, never intended to have him removed, etc.

What I don't like about that aspect is that she is keeping a 3 month window open with my son. Personally, with her note (that the more I consider this while typing, believe that I need to keep original for his lawyer to have and give my son a copy).

Can I do that? Thoughts and advice?

Anyway, as I said, the most immediate problem seems to be solved. She has moved out, the cats are gone, and only a number of full ashtrays with her cigarette butts remain. I'll start the fumigation process today so that the building starts smelling clean and fresh again.

I like the contributor idea about having any future people that might be staying for an extended period of time with my son to still sign some sort of agreement. Now that I know my lack of any rights in such a situation, I'll be much more vigilant on a proactive basis.

Thanks again for all your support.

And thanks to 'The Law'.com for making such a forum available.

 

[freespirit1333]

A bit of an update.

With 'unofficial' advice from a friend in the legal profession, he indicated that I had every right to read the letters and notes, and also that very specifically, my son should NOT read them or be told of their very existence. If the question comes up, then I will tell my son that since he is not to have any contact with his ex girlfriend, and vice versa, then that includes any letters or notes. (Also, he should have as little contact as possible with mutual friends, and certainly have no conversation at all with such friends about anything regarding the case or other such circumstances.)

At this point, especially with me holding the bail from his forthcoming assault case against her, I am the one who feels my son is in no position to make decisions for himself in that regard.

And with the unofficial legal counseling, here is basically what I did: I photographed all the notes and letters in their locations, and then removed them and sealed them in an envelope and put that away safely, along with the photos. I also documented everything from point of entry to the apartment, along with my original findings and subsequent reading of notes, etc. I even have photos of empty drawers and closet, showing her clothes are not there.

My intention is to keep everything safe and when my son meets with his court appointed attorney for the first time (in 2 weeks), then I will ask to see the attorney separately afterwards, and give that attorney the originals and all my information, etc.

I know my son enough to know he would destroy all those notes and letters, even though they contain the evidence to have everything completely dropped in his case. He wouldn't want the personal things/love notes to become 'public'. As I said, he is in no position to be his own advocate.

So that is where things stand. I feel I have done about all I can at this point, and will try my best to keep everything 'neutral' and just concentrate on getting the apartment smoke and cat odor free, clean, and ready for my son to move back, under very strict conditions. Once his attorney is involved, then I feel I can step farther away, but still involved as both his father, as his bond-holder, and also as a witness to various things related to he and his (hopefully) completely ex-girlfriend.