I have a fairly unique situation.
I am a 25 year old living in a midwestern city. When I graduated college I moved to a big east-coast city for my first job. After a short time I quit that job to pursue a business that ended up failing. I was very much down on my luck and rent was expensive so my mother proposed that I move back to the midwestern city which is also my home town.
My grandfather passed away several years ago but his 4 children (including my mom) have not sold his house. This is largely due to my mother's objections as she had trouble coping with grandfather's death (and the other children agreed to make her custodian -- something they now regret). She allowed me to live in a room in the house for free for the last year or so (rent free). She also rents out one or two other rooms to strangers to help pay the bills. She did not mention any requirement for me to live there and I agreed.
My mother lives w/ my great aunt who has altzheimer's and is incapable of surviving w/o constant help. My mother refuses to allow her to be in a nursing home for fear of bad treatment (mom is an RN). After a few weeks of moving back she started asking me to stay w/ my great aunt while she ran errands and eventually she asked me to stay while she went to work. I agreed because I was not busy and my mother had to pay a caretaker otherwise. It grew into a regular thing and now I spend a 4-6 hours each day dealing w/ my great aunt.
In the mean time I got myself back on my feet financially, started another business, and am now doing okay. I am getting ready to move out of the house and into my own apartment. The problem I have is that I have sort of made myself my great aunt's care-taker while my mother goes to work and now I feel stuck. I have told my mother I no longer want the role or that I want to reduce my time there but she is ignoring me and my requests to find someone else to be with my great aunt.
Dealing w/ my great aunt is incredibly stressful and is hurting me psychologically and emotionally. I have a very short temper and am easily upset. I know this and so I try to avoid situations where I might become upset or just walk away. It's something I dealt with my whole life and do my best with. Sometimes I get so upset that I start to justify terrible things that I do not want to get into. I have never acted on these things but know myself well enough to know I am at my limits. Please take my point to be that I know when I am in a situation I can no longer handle and this is clearly one.
I am afraid my mother and I are coming to a sort of show-down. I have been telling her that I no longer wish to take care of my great aunt and that I never made any long term agreement or commitment and that the whole thing is hurting me. She treats this as though I am "bluffing" and is assuming I will keep coming indefinitely.
I am afraid one day I will not come (after giving lots of warning) and because of that my great aunt will die. I do not want this to happen but I cannot handle the situation much longer. Regardless it seems like it would be my fault.
Can someone please offer me some advice on how to handle this situation. I really don't know how to move forward and I feel stuck. I need help both from a legal standpoint and a family one.
First, how can I make it clear to my mother that I will no longer be taking care of my great aunt? Second (and I realize this question is border-line horrific and I apologize it makes me sick to my stomach to ask it): how can I avoid criminal liability should I one day not show up which indirectly causes my aunt to die?
I am a 25 year old living in a midwestern city. When I graduated college I moved to a big east-coast city for my first job. After a short time I quit that job to pursue a business that ended up failing. I was very much down on my luck and rent was expensive so my mother proposed that I move back to the midwestern city which is also my home town.
My grandfather passed away several years ago but his 4 children (including my mom) have not sold his house. This is largely due to my mother's objections as she had trouble coping with grandfather's death (and the other children agreed to make her custodian -- something they now regret). She allowed me to live in a room in the house for free for the last year or so (rent free). She also rents out one or two other rooms to strangers to help pay the bills. She did not mention any requirement for me to live there and I agreed.
My mother lives w/ my great aunt who has altzheimer's and is incapable of surviving w/o constant help. My mother refuses to allow her to be in a nursing home for fear of bad treatment (mom is an RN). After a few weeks of moving back she started asking me to stay w/ my great aunt while she ran errands and eventually she asked me to stay while she went to work. I agreed because I was not busy and my mother had to pay a caretaker otherwise. It grew into a regular thing and now I spend a 4-6 hours each day dealing w/ my great aunt.
In the mean time I got myself back on my feet financially, started another business, and am now doing okay. I am getting ready to move out of the house and into my own apartment. The problem I have is that I have sort of made myself my great aunt's care-taker while my mother goes to work and now I feel stuck. I have told my mother I no longer want the role or that I want to reduce my time there but she is ignoring me and my requests to find someone else to be with my great aunt.
Dealing w/ my great aunt is incredibly stressful and is hurting me psychologically and emotionally. I have a very short temper and am easily upset. I know this and so I try to avoid situations where I might become upset or just walk away. It's something I dealt with my whole life and do my best with. Sometimes I get so upset that I start to justify terrible things that I do not want to get into. I have never acted on these things but know myself well enough to know I am at my limits. Please take my point to be that I know when I am in a situation I can no longer handle and this is clearly one.
I am afraid my mother and I are coming to a sort of show-down. I have been telling her that I no longer wish to take care of my great aunt and that I never made any long term agreement or commitment and that the whole thing is hurting me. She treats this as though I am "bluffing" and is assuming I will keep coming indefinitely.
I am afraid one day I will not come (after giving lots of warning) and because of that my great aunt will die. I do not want this to happen but I cannot handle the situation much longer. Regardless it seems like it would be my fault.
Can someone please offer me some advice on how to handle this situation. I really don't know how to move forward and I feel stuck. I need help both from a legal standpoint and a family one.
First, how can I make it clear to my mother that I will no longer be taking care of my great aunt? Second (and I realize this question is border-line horrific and I apologize it makes me sick to my stomach to ask it): how can I avoid criminal liability should I one day not show up which indirectly causes my aunt to die?
