Hello, I am not sure where to begin so I will just start with some quick background information.
I had child in September of 1998 in Ohio. I was not married at the time. The biological father and I were living together and he signed the birth certificate. The following March we separated and did not have any type of custody, visitation, or support agreement at that time. The father did visit often (once a week) at first but then began to lose interest. Over time the visits diminished to 2-3 times a year.
In Nov 2002 I had temporary custody given to my parents. My son and I resided with them and I was not happy with my life. We discussed things, my parents and I, with a counselor, and we all felt that it was best. During the next year and a half I went back to work and saw a counselor on a regular basis. In the summer of 2004 my parents petitioned the court to have the custody returned to me. In Aug 2004 the custody reversal was granted. The father was present at both hearings and never asked for custody or visitation.
Now, in 2004 I went back to college and by the end of 2005, due to the reduction in hours I could work, I had to apply for government assistance. At that time I was informed that in order to receive any assistance I would have to also file for child support. I knew this was going to be a fruitless effort due to the fact that the father never held a job on any type of consistent basis. Nonetheless I filed.
In December 2005, the court established a parent-child relationship existed between the father and son.
In Jan 2006, a motion to establish support was filed.
In April 2006, the court ordered the father to pay $50.00/month (because he had no income or savings) and that was back dated to January 2006.
So, from Jan of 2006 until now (March 2011), at a rate of $50/month the total amount that SHOULD have been paid is $3100. He is $2499.82 in arrears. So in 5 years, my son has received just around $600. The payments are very sporadic. We may get $25/month for two months, then $12 for one month, and then go several months without. The bulk of what we have received came in one payment of $186 in October of 2006 (the first payment he ever made). After I graduated from college and secured a very good job, I called the local child-support enforcement agency to actually find out how to have the order stopped all together, and was basically told I couldn't do that.
The last time my son actually saw his biological father was in early 2009. He has called once (this past Christmas) since September 2009. My son has had a difficult time in the past dealing with this. I took him to a counselor to help with this and it really made a difference. He went from resenting me for "not letting" his dad see him (not the case at all) to accepting the fact that his father is the one who is making the decision not to be a part of his life. This past Christmas, when his father called, he actually took the phone and said "Dad, I just don't want to talk to you anymore." This was heartbreaking for me, I mean he is only 12!!! But, I knew that it was how he needed to deal with it.
Okay, now, I was married in December of 2010 and my husband, son and I now reside in Pennsylvania. My son has made it clear that he does not want his father to be a part of his life, and I told him that I would respect that but that I can not do anything about what a court would say should his father ever seek visitation.
Alright that is the background info, now here is the question.....
My son wants his step-dad to adopt him and wants us all to have the same last name. For the time being I keep brushing him off saying, "We'll have to look into that sweetheart." My husband is more than willing to adopt him but I know we have some hurdles to overcome first. I don't even know if we should pursue this. Would we do this in Ohio (where I believe the biological father still resides), or in Pennsylvania where we reside? I've done a little bit of research and read where sometimes lack of support and little/no contact can be considered abandonment and may be grounds to terminate the absent parent's rights. Does it seem like we have a leg to stand on here? I don't want to get my son's hopes up. I also know that the biological father would NEVER voluntarily terminate his rights. Not because he cares, but just out of spite.
Any input here would be greatly appreciated.
I had child in September of 1998 in Ohio. I was not married at the time. The biological father and I were living together and he signed the birth certificate. The following March we separated and did not have any type of custody, visitation, or support agreement at that time. The father did visit often (once a week) at first but then began to lose interest. Over time the visits diminished to 2-3 times a year.
In Nov 2002 I had temporary custody given to my parents. My son and I resided with them and I was not happy with my life. We discussed things, my parents and I, with a counselor, and we all felt that it was best. During the next year and a half I went back to work and saw a counselor on a regular basis. In the summer of 2004 my parents petitioned the court to have the custody returned to me. In Aug 2004 the custody reversal was granted. The father was present at both hearings and never asked for custody or visitation.
Now, in 2004 I went back to college and by the end of 2005, due to the reduction in hours I could work, I had to apply for government assistance. At that time I was informed that in order to receive any assistance I would have to also file for child support. I knew this was going to be a fruitless effort due to the fact that the father never held a job on any type of consistent basis. Nonetheless I filed.
In December 2005, the court established a parent-child relationship existed between the father and son.
In Jan 2006, a motion to establish support was filed.
In April 2006, the court ordered the father to pay $50.00/month (because he had no income or savings) and that was back dated to January 2006.
So, from Jan of 2006 until now (March 2011), at a rate of $50/month the total amount that SHOULD have been paid is $3100. He is $2499.82 in arrears. So in 5 years, my son has received just around $600. The payments are very sporadic. We may get $25/month for two months, then $12 for one month, and then go several months without. The bulk of what we have received came in one payment of $186 in October of 2006 (the first payment he ever made). After I graduated from college and secured a very good job, I called the local child-support enforcement agency to actually find out how to have the order stopped all together, and was basically told I couldn't do that.
The last time my son actually saw his biological father was in early 2009. He has called once (this past Christmas) since September 2009. My son has had a difficult time in the past dealing with this. I took him to a counselor to help with this and it really made a difference. He went from resenting me for "not letting" his dad see him (not the case at all) to accepting the fact that his father is the one who is making the decision not to be a part of his life. This past Christmas, when his father called, he actually took the phone and said "Dad, I just don't want to talk to you anymore." This was heartbreaking for me, I mean he is only 12!!! But, I knew that it was how he needed to deal with it.
Okay, now, I was married in December of 2010 and my husband, son and I now reside in Pennsylvania. My son has made it clear that he does not want his father to be a part of his life, and I told him that I would respect that but that I can not do anything about what a court would say should his father ever seek visitation.
Alright that is the background info, now here is the question.....
My son wants his step-dad to adopt him and wants us all to have the same last name. For the time being I keep brushing him off saying, "We'll have to look into that sweetheart." My husband is more than willing to adopt him but I know we have some hurdles to overcome first. I don't even know if we should pursue this. Would we do this in Ohio (where I believe the biological father still resides), or in Pennsylvania where we reside? I've done a little bit of research and read where sometimes lack of support and little/no contact can be considered abandonment and may be grounds to terminate the absent parent's rights. Does it seem like we have a leg to stand on here? I don't want to get my son's hopes up. I also know that the biological father would NEVER voluntarily terminate his rights. Not because he cares, but just out of spite.
Any input here would be greatly appreciated.
