twins produced from affair, bio dad's rights?

[stoni21]

I had an affair when my marriage was on the rocks, twins were conceived and born - not by my husband. My husband is on the BC. We have had a pat test done and my husband is not the father, the other man who I had the affair is. The bio dad admitted paternity in court. My husband wants to raise them as his own as if the bio dad does not exsist and keep our marriage intact. I filed the order of filiation when they were 3 weeks old, they are not 3 months old. Our first court date was just to establish paternity. My husband and I also have two other children that are ours. We go back to court soon, is the judge going to say it is in the best interest of the children to stay with our family and my husband be the legal father or is she going to give the bio dad a chance for visitation and grant him rights? I have a lawyer he does not. The bio dad wants to have visitation one day and the next day he says he can't handle the child support and back child support from the day I filed the motion. He is somewhat unstable. He did ask my lawyer for full custory of one of the twins (the boy) he wants to be a part of their lives. Can he go into court and say he doesn't want anything to do with the children and not have to pay? Can he demand rights to them or is this up to the judge totally? I have no problem with bio dad having rights, I'm just curious what the chances are this will happen. I know NY state law says that if a child is conceived and born during a marriage with another man it is still considered to be the husband's child/children. However I started an order of filiation and bio dad did admit paternity and we did have a dna test done. This is very stressful and it is tough waiting until our court date. I know NY state law is very grey on this they go by best interest of the children there are not hard and fast rules. Just asking for opinions on what the judge may rule when we go before her? I do want the bio dad to have rights to these children but I am worried the judge will deny it. I don't want these children to grow up and hate me thinking I kept them from their bio father.

 

[army judge]

Madam, no sane person would ever guess what a judge will or could do. The outcome depends upon the litigation skills of your lawyer.

I suggest you discuss this only with your husband and your lawyer. We aren't psychologists or psychiatrists. We can't assuage your conscience of the guilt you profess.




I suggest a visit to a holy man, shaman, priest, minister, rabbi, imam, high priestess, witch doctor, or whatever religious leader you desire to discuss this with. I have no ability to make you feel good about what you've done.




The good thing about you, madam, versus many that I've seen is that you do have regret and remorse over your actions. Guilt is often a good thing.



You also appear to be married to a very stand up guy. God bless you all. I pray that all of you will somehow be able to work through your difficulties.

 

[Proserpina]

OP, the answers aren't going to change no matter where you post

The bottom line is, the court is highly unlikely to prevent bioDad from having custody and visitation with the babies.

Dad's going to be part of your collective lives for a long time to come.

 

[stoni21]

thank you. that was what i wanted to hear. i want him in their lives. i have been afraid the judge will deny it since i am married and it's an intact marriage.

as for the religion comment, no thanks. i have made peace with myself over what i have done, yes a lot of guilt - and therapy. none of us are perfect. let he who is without sin cast the first stone so back it up with all of that high horse sh*t please.

 

[Proserpina]

By all means take your attitude elsewhere.