unmarried parents -- mother up and leaves with child

[ajh786]

So my girlfriend and I have been together since we were about 16/17 years old (2004/05). We had a child when we were 19 and have lived together ever since we were 18. We have had minor relationship issues, but never any type of abuse (mainly trust, communication, etc.). Well we are 25 now and we have a 6 year old son. May of this year, she gets up and leaves with the child and moves 5 hours away (still in the state of Virginia). He was in kindergarten and the school year still had another month. After being with her parents, she decided to enroll him in school, which only had one week left (there was still over a month left here). Anyway, we have been sharing time with him and she has been bringing him here to me, picking him back up, usually in 2 week time frames. She is adament about staying there with her parents, and one day wants to get her own place and be a single mother. We have equally raised him since the time he was born and we are both great parents, so this really all has been a shock to me. I have obtained counsel and have filed for custody since she does not want to talk about his future education and where he will be attending school. Of course the lawyer says things look like they are in my favor, but while I wait I would just like to get some feedback from multiple sources so I can get more information on what I should prepare for.

 

[mightymoose]

You have already done all you can- you have legal counsel and have filed for custody/visitation. Now it just has to get through the system.
Courts tend to favor moms for custody and give dads visitation. If you are wanting custody you will need a good argument as to why she is not a fit parent.
Realisticly you should prepare yourself for about 12 years worth of child support payments. If you do obtain custody she could be ordered to pay child support to you.
Good luck.

 

[ajh786]

thanks for the feedback; the way may attorney presented it is that initially this will be a relocation case, since she is moving over 250 miles away from where he has grown up and she would have to prove that is the best move for him (basically proving I am unfit to care for him). Do you (or anyone else) have any info on how likely it would be that a judge remove the child from where he has grown up his whole life to move that far away, when there is no danger to the child in either home? One of the reasons I ask this is because it makes weekend visitation highly unreasonable (in both cases) as when he starts playing ball, one of us would have to take him from his home on the weekend therefore not allowing him to engage in normal activities. My ideal situation with this would be for me and the mother to at least live in the same area so we can both continue the wonderful job we have done as parents to this date.


another question I need advice on... the court date may not be until after the school year starts, and we both want him for the school year. Since there will be no court order at the beginning of the school year, what is the best course of action to take to have him in school where I am living?

 

[shrinkmaster]

Without a court order forbidding Mom to take child outside of a certain area she can do as she wishes. Since she has already moved child its unlikely any court will order her to return. You need to seek visitation and since she created the distance that she foot the travel expenses for you to see child. You have a lawyer so you should be discussing these concerns with him

 

[ajh786]

thanks shrinkmaster, what if it was the other way around? Since May 7th, we have pretty much split the time. He is currently with me and she said he can stay the summer with me (because she believes he is going to go to school in her new home town). I am aware that she did not have to bring him back to me, but does the same apply for me? In other words, can legal action be taken by her to take him from me and send him to her new residence? Before it is said, I am in no way trying to keep our son from her, just wondering if I am legally obligated to send him to her new home.

 

[shrinkmaster]

Without a court order either "legal" parent may pretty much do as they wish ..... within reason. You are the child legal Father? Having signed all birth documents?

 

[ajh786]

yes I am on his birth certificate & we have both raised him together since birth.

and I have spoken to my lawyer about when he goes back to her; he recommends that we formalize and sign a document (notarized) that states a timeframe when he should come back (I know this is not an official court document, but it can go to show if one of us is not allowing the other to access/visit the child as stated in § 20-124.3. Best interests of the child). Now with the issue of where he is going to go to school next year on the line, it is unlikely she will agree to send him back to me near that time period... that being said, I will unfortunately be faced with the decision to keep him with me to ensure he goes to school in my area so she does not do the same thing. With a court date likely being in early September, I see it hard for a judge to pull the child out of his current school (here or there) to grant one of us physical custody.

 

[Proserpina]

I'm sorry, but the "the courts favor Moms" thing is really not a reflection of reality.

Here's the reality:

It SEEMS like the courts favor Moms - but that's ONLY because traditionally Mom has been the primary caregiver. When both parents have been equal caregivers, or when Dad has been a stay-at-home parent, you can bet your last cent the court will not be favoring Mom due to her having a uterus.

Dad also does NOT need to prove that Mom is unfit - this is an initial custody determination and they both stand equal before the court.

Dad, fight the relocation - speak to your attorney about it.

 

[ajh786]

I'm sorry, but the "the courts favor Moms" thing is really not a reflection of reality.

Here's the reality:

It SEEMS like the courts favor Moms - but that's ONLY because traditionally Mom has been the primary caregiver. When both parents have been equal caregivers, or when Dad has been a stay-at-home parent, you can bet your last cent the court will not be favoring Mom due to her having a uterus.

Dad also does NOT need to prove that Mom is unfit - this is an initial custody determination and they both stand equal before the court.

Dad, fight the relocation - speak to your attorney about it.

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Thank you for replying. Pretty much my attorney said.that is what.this comes down to (fighting the relocation even tho no court order exists), since we have both been equally caring for.the child in the same home since birth. It just seemed like every other case I read about online did not have a similar.scenario, where everything seemed to be ok in regards to the relationship... She just wants to be single and live with her parents. I understand this is not legal advice but it is definitely comforting to an extent to see this response. Ultimately it is up to the judge and hopefully he sees how conniving she has been in this situation.

 

[army judge]

---------
Thank you for replying. Pretty much my attorney said.that is what.this comes down to (fighting the relocation even tho no court order exists), since we have both been equally caring for.the child in the same home since birth. It just seemed like every other case I read about online did not have a similar.scenario, where everything seemed to be ok in regards to the relationship... She just wants to be single and live with her parents. I understand this is not legal advice but it is definitely comforting to an extent to see this response. Ultimately it is up to the judge and hopefully he sees how conniving she has been in this situation.

Have you ever heard the saying about TOO MANY COOKS SPOILING THE BROTH?

Its true.

You have retained counsel.

You are paying YOUR counsel GOOD MONEY to represent YOUR interests.

I suggest you discuss this with YOUR counsel and NOT STRANGERS on the internet.

You never know, SHE may be reading this thread.

Relax, and don't TIP your hand!

 

[shrinkmaster]

Very true i know of people who have been fired, had HR actions taken, arrested and charged with crimes and had internet posts used in court. If you already have an Attorney you should be discussing case only with that person no other! anything you have posted here or anywhere could be found by those who would use it against you.

 

[guestposter]

you guys are right... I think I came to this forum with the right intentions but started asking the wrong questions for a forum and saying some things out of frustration. I should be only receiving legal advice from my lawyer, but I guess I am used to finding several sources of information and comparing it to information I initially receive, then compare/contrast it to someone (in this case, my lawyer) and go from there. thanks for being so hard on me

 

[ajh786]

you guys are right... I think I came to this forum with the right intentions but started asking the wrong questions for a forum and saying some things out of frustration. I should be only receiving legal advice from my lawyer, but I guess I am used to finding several sources of information and comparing it to information I initially receive, then compare/contrast it to someone (in this case, my lawyer) and go from there. thanks for being so hard on me