Worried I'll lose my kids! Please give me advice!

[Kelmore]

Jurisdiction

California

Was married since High School; we had two children. Last two years have been rough. She left me and took our kids. In Feb.2020 the court ordered Joint custody. Her/Custodial Myself/Noncustodial. I was fine with that and having visitation with my children every other weekend. However, since beginning of the order; she has never completely followed the order. Making visitation at her convenience and if she felt like letting me see them. A constant back and forth with her. Her new boyfriend called and threatened me to leave her and our youngest son alone. "That he was not my kid." This suddenly coming out. We were married, I was there and supported her thru the whole pregnancy, cut the umbilical cord, my name is on the Childs birth cert, and he has my last name. Suddenly 1 1/2 years after his birth during separation and a court hearing, she is saying, I can't see him anymore because he is not my biological child. Well most currently, I have not seen him for 5 months now, no communication. She changed her phone number. Did not connect to Talking parents app, as court order states. Our oldest she abandoned to her mother, and then her mother moved. When her mother brought him for my visitation; I asked for her new address where my oldest son would be; she refused to give the address. I was not going to risk her hiding my child from me, like my ex has done with the youngest boy. I informed her, that I will not be allowing you to take him unless I get the new address where you will be living with him. She refused, left and then called my ex to have the police come to my house. The police could not do anything except threaten me, telling me "I was breaking the order." I was stunned! I am not breaking the order, I'm protecting the well-being of my child, and protecting our relationship. If my ex can hop residences and change her phone number, and keep my youngest child from me, it's that easy for her mother to change her phone number, especially when she has already moved. I wasn't going to take the chance. My attorney sent in an Ex-parte Emergency order over my youngest; it was denied by the judge. Then her mother pulls this, and after I keep my oldest, she sends in an Ex-parte Emergency order to have me return my oldest son to her; and temporarily terminates my visitation till the court hearing. How can this be right. What a double standard. Has anyone ever heard of or experienced this? Her attorney sends the Abduction unit to my house to pick him up. However, they saw him, stated this was not criminal but civil and would not enforce anything. I still have my son 1 month later, court is on 6/24. She has my phone number, it has not changed in two years, nor has my address. She knows exactly where we are. She has not made any contact, called or came by. If she cared so much about getting our oldest back, wouldn't she be trying? We had mediation on Thursday morning, she did not show up. I'm stunned. I feel like her silence and doing nothing, is her way of trying to make it look like she doesn't know where he is. That he is really abducted. And that the judge is going to rule in her favor and completely take my visitation away. That's what she wants, and that was her return declaration, to completely take away my visitation. All double standards. I was asking for sole physical custody giving her visitation, but then lightened up in the mediation paperwork; stating I would be willing to stay joint and give us 50/50 etc. Does anyone have experience with this complex situation. She is stubborn and wants to take it all away from me. What am I looking at here? Advice or experiences please.....

 

[Red Kayak]

1) White space (paragraphs) are your friend.

2) BREATHE. Practice some calming breathing exercises.

3) Don't take legal advice from your wife/STBX.

4) You're both going about things wrong. She's a bully though, knows more about the law, and seems to have a lawyer. So you need to self educate - fast.

 

[army judge]

She is stubborn and wants to take it all away from me

The truth may have been revealed.

The ONLY way for you to KNOW if you're the father is to seek genetic testing.

If you aren't the GENETIC male sperminator, why deny the REAL sperminator to father the child and SUPPORT the child financially?

We all should shoulder our own burdens and responsibilities, but NEVER those belonging to others.

If the test proves you're not the sperminator, it solves your dilemma.

If, on the other hand, you ARE the father; its time to HIRE yourself a lawyer and pursue YOUR justice!!!!

 

[Zigner]

She's a bully though, knows more about the law, and seems to have a lawyer. So you need to self educate - fast.

The OP also has an attorney.

 

[Red Kayak]

The OP also has an attorney.

Thanks for the correction - I overlooked that in the wall-of-text.

Then OP should do some more calming deep breathing exercises, do some basic research on legal definitions*, reduce the wall of text to a few bullet points, clarify priorities, and ask his lawyer.

* By "basic research" I mean really basic. There's no sense in paying you lawyer $$$ for questions that can be googled. I suspect that bombarding a lawyer with irrelevant stuff makes it more difficult for the lawyer; sorting the wheat (legally relevant) from the chaff (legally irrelevant) takes time.

 

[Kelmore]

The OP also has an attorney.

Yes

 

[leslie82]

Was married since High School; we had two children. Last two years have been rough. She left me and took our kids. In Feb.2020 the court ordered Joint custody. Her/Custodial Myself/Noncustodial. I was fine with that and having visitation with my children every other weekend. However, since beginning of the order; she has never completely followed the order. Making visitation at her convenience and if she felt like letting me see them. A constant back and forth with her. Her new boyfriend called and threatened me to leave her and our youngest son alone. "That he was not my kid." This suddenly coming out. We were married, I was there and supported her thru the whole pregnancy, cut the umbilical cord, my name is on the Childs birth cert, and he has my last name. Suddenly 1 1/2 years after his birth during separation and a court hearing, she is saying, I can't see him anymore because he is not my biological child. Well most currently, I have not seen him for 5 months now, no communication. She changed her phone number. Did not connect to Talking parents app, as court order states. Our oldest she abandoned to her mother, and then her mother moved. When her mother brought him for my visitation; I asked for her new address where my oldest son would be; she refused to give the address. I was not going to risk her hiding my child from me, like my ex has done with the youngest boy. I informed her, that I will not be allowing you to take him unless I get the new address where you will be living with him. She refused, left and then called my ex to have the police come to my house. The police could not do anything except threaten me, telling me "I was breaking the order." I was stunned! I am not breaking the order, I'm protecting the well-being of my child, and protecting our relationship. If my ex can hop residences and change her phone number, and keep my youngest child from me, it's that easy for her mother to change her phone number, especially when she has already moved. I wasn't going to take the chance. My attorney sent in an Ex-parte Emergency order over my youngest; it was denied by the judge. Then her mother pulls this, and after I keep my oldest, she sends in an Ex-parte Emergency order to have me return my oldest son to her; and temporarily terminates my visitation till the court hearing. How can this be right. What a double standard. Has anyone ever heard of or experienced this? Her attorney sends the Abduction unit to my house to pick him up. However, they saw him, stated this was not criminal but civil and would not enforce anything. I still have my son 1 month later, court is on 6/24. She has my phone number, it has not changed in two years, nor has my address. She knows exactly where we are. She has not made any contact, called or came by. If she cared so much about getting our oldest back, wouldn't she be trying? We had mediation on Thursday morning, she did not show up. I'm stunned. I feel like her silence and doing nothing, is her way of trying to make it look like she doesn't know where he is. That he is really abducted. And that the judge is going to rule in her favor and completely take my visitation away. That's what she wants, and that was her return declaration, to completely take away my visitation. All double standards. I was asking for sole physical custody giving her visitation, but then lightened up in the mediation paperwork; stating I would be willing to stay joint and give us 50/50 etc. Does anyone have experience with this complex situation. She is stubborn and wants to take it all away from me. What am I looking at here? Advice or experiences please.....

However, since beginning of the order; she has never completely followed the order. Making visitation at her convenience and if she felt like letting me see them. A constant back and forth with her. Her new boyfriend called and threatened me to leave her and our youngest son alone. "That he was not my kid." This suddenly coming out. We were married, I was there and supported her thru the whole pregnancy, cut the umbilical cord, my name is on the Childs birth cert, and he has my last name. Suddenly 1 1/2 years after his birth during separation and a court hearing, she is saying, I can't see him anymore because he is not my biological child.

---- Take her to court if she's violating the custody order. Also, per California law YOU are the legal father of that child. Even if biologically this other guy knocked her up while you were pregnant, married males are presumed to be the father in California unless the husband is impotent or sterile. It's probably even too late for him to dispute the paternity at this point. I think most states it's six months after birth to dispute. So he can take a flying leap and you need to just block his dumb ass from contacting you. He legally is no one in this situation. He has no say over your children at all.

Well most currently, I have not seen him for 5 months now, no communication. She changed her phone number. Did not connect to Talking parents app, as court order states. Our oldest she abandoned to her mother, and then her mother moved. When her mother brought him for my visitation; I asked for her new address where my oldest son would be; she refused to give the address. I was not going to risk her hiding my child from me, like my ex has done with the youngest boy. I informed her, that I will not be allowing you to take him unless I get the new address where you will be living with him. She refused, left and then called my ex to have the police come to my house.
The police could not do anything except threaten me, telling me "I was breaking the order." I was stunned! I am not breaking the order, I'm protecting the well-being of my child, and protecting our relationship. If my ex can hop residences and change her phone number, and keep my youngest child from me, it's that easy for her mother to change her phone number, especially when she has already moved. I wasn't going to take the chance.

---- Does your ex MIL have any type of custody order granting HER custody? Or guardianship? I don't know why the police said what they said unless your ex sent some kind of court order that gives her mom guardianship or they're just dumb. I would 100% be taking your ex to court over all this.

My attorney sent in an Ex-parte Emergency order over my youngest; it was denied by the judge. Then her mother pulls this, and after I keep my oldest, she sends in an Ex-parte Emergency order to have me return my oldest son to her; and temporarily terminates my visitation till the court hearing. How can this be right. What a double standard. Has anyone ever heard of or experienced this? Her attorney sends the Abduction unit to my house to pick him up. However, they saw him, stated this was not criminal but civil and would not enforce anything. I still have my son 1 month later, court is on 6/24. She has my phone number, it has not changed in two years, nor has my address. She knows exactly where we are. She has not made any contact, called or came by. If she cared so much about getting our oldest back, wouldn't she be trying? We had mediation on Thursday morning, she did not show up. I'm stunned. I feel like her silence and doing nothing, is her way of trying to make it look like she doesn't know where he is. That he is really abducted. And that the judge is going to rule in her favor and completely take my visitation away. That's what she wants, and that was her return declaration, to completely take away my visitation. All double standards. I was asking for sole physical custody giving her visitation, but then lightened up in the mediation paperwork; stating I would be willing to stay joint and give us 50/50 etc. Does anyone have experience with this complex situation. She is stubborn and wants to take it all away from me. What am I looking at here? Advice or experiences please.....

--- If you have an attorney, use them. You're paying them for legal advice. If you're unhappy with your lawyer, get a new lawyer. I probably would find a new lawyer based on this info. Be glad your ex isn't making contact and isn't trying to get that child back. You should be able to use that in court. Be glad she didn't show up to mediation. That hurts her, not you. YOU show up to every court date. Every mediation. Reply to EVERY piece of paperwork that you get from the court. Let her fall on her ass. Don't worry about what she does.

Don't give into her. Don't make things "easier" for her. If she doesn't reach out to you, don't reach out to her especially when she didn't sign up for the court ordered app that you're supposed to communicate with. If she does contact you, keep it brief. Don't let your emotions get a hold of you. Only talk about the kids.

 

[Kelmore]

However, since beginning of the order; she has never completely followed the order. Making visitation at her convenience and if she felt like letting me see them. A constant back and forth with her. Her new boyfriend called and threatened me to leave her and our youngest son alone. "That he was not my kid." This suddenly coming out. We were married, I was there and supported her thru the whole pregnancy, cut the umbilical cord, my name is on the Childs birth cert, and he has my last name. Suddenly 1 1/2 years after his birth during separation and a court hearing, she is saying, I can't see him anymore because he is not my biological child.

---- Take her to court if she's violating the custody order. Also, per California law YOU are the legal father of that child. Even if biologically this other guy knocked her up while you were pregnant, married males are presumed to be the father in California unless the husband is impotent or sterile. It's probably even too late for him to dispute the paternity at this point. I think most states it's six months after birth to dispute. So he can take a flying leap and you need to just block his dumb ass from contacting you. He legally is no one in this situation. He has no say over your children at all.

Well most currently, I have not seen him for 5 months now, no communication. She changed her phone number. Did not connect to Talking parents app, as court order states. Our oldest she abandoned to her mother, and then her mother moved. When her mother brought him for my visitation; I asked for her new address where my oldest son would be; she refused to give the address. I was not going to risk her hiding my child from me, like my ex has done with the youngest boy. I informed her, that I will not be allowing you to take him unless I get the new address where you will be living with him. She refused, left and then called my ex to have the police come to my house.
The police could not do anything except threaten me, telling me "I was breaking the order." I was stunned! I am not breaking the order, I'm protecting the well-being of my child, and protecting our relationship. If my ex can hop residences and change her phone number, and keep my youngest child from me, it's that easy for her mother to change her phone number, especially when she has already moved. I wasn't going to take the chance.

---- Does your ex MIL have any type of custody order granting HER custody? Or guardianship? I don't know why the police said what they said unless your ex sent some kind of court order that gives her mom guardianship or they're just dumb. I would 100% be taking your ex to court over all this.

My attorney sent in an Ex-parte Emergency order over my youngest; it was denied by the judge. Then her mother pulls this, and after I keep my oldest, she sends in an Ex-parte Emergency order to have me return my oldest son to her; and temporarily terminates my visitation till the court hearing. How can this be right. What a double standard. Has anyone ever heard of or experienced this? Her attorney sends the Abduction unit to my house to pick him up. However, they saw him, stated this was not criminal but civil and would not enforce anything. I still have my son 1 month later, court is on 6/24. She has my phone number, it has not changed in two years, nor has my address. She knows exactly where we are. She has not made any contact, called or came by. If she cared so much about getting our oldest back, wouldn't she be trying? We had mediation on Thursday morning, she did not show up. I'm stunned. I feel like her silence and doing nothing, is her way of trying to make it look like she doesn't know where he is. That he is really abducted. And that the judge is going to rule in her favor and completely take my visitation away. That's what she wants, and that was her return declaration, to completely take away my visitation. All double standards. I was asking for sole physical custody giving her visitation, but then lightened up in the mediation paperwork; stating I would be willing to stay joint and give us 50/50 etc. Does anyone have experience with this complex situation. She is stubborn and wants to take it all away from me. What am I looking at here? Advice or experiences please.....

--- If you have an attorney, use them. You're paying them for legal advice. If you're unhappy with your lawyer, get a new lawyer. I probably would find a new lawyer based on this info. Be glad your ex isn't making contact and isn't trying to get that child back. You should be able to use that in court. Be glad she didn't show up to mediation. That hurts her, not you. YOU show up to every court date. Every mediation. Reply to EVERY piece of paperwork that you get from the court. Let her fall on her ass. Don't worry about what she does.

Don't give into her. Don't make things "easier" for her. If she doesn't reach out to you, don't reach out to her especially when she didn't sign up for the court ordered app that you're supposed to communicate with. If she does contact you, keep it brief. Don't let your emotions get a hold of you. Only talk about the kids.

However, since beginning of the order; she has never completely followed the order. Making visitation at her convenience and if she felt like letting me see them. A constant back and forth with her. Her new boyfriend called and threatened me to leave her and our youngest son alone. "That he was not my kid." This suddenly coming out. We were married, I was there and supported her thru the whole pregnancy, cut the umbilical cord, my name is on the Childs birth cert, and he has my last name. Suddenly 1 1/2 years after his birth during separation and a court hearing, she is saying, I can't see him anymore because he is not my biological child.

---- Take her to court if she's violating the custody order. Also, per California law YOU are the legal father of that child. Even if biologically this other guy knocked her up while you were pregnant, married males are presumed to be the father in California unless the husband is impotent or sterile. It's probably even too late for him to dispute the paternity at this point. I think most states it's six months after birth to dispute. So he can take a flying leap and you need to just block his dumb ass from contacting you. He legally is no one in this situation. He has no say over your children at all.

Well most currently, I have not seen him for 5 months now, no communication. She changed her phone number. Did not connect to Talking parents app, as court order states. Our oldest she abandoned to her mother, and then her mother moved. When her mother brought him for my visitation; I asked for her new address where my oldest son would be; she refused to give the address. I was not going to risk her hiding my child from me, like my ex has done with the youngest boy. I informed her, that I will not be allowing you to take him unless I get the new address where you will be living with him. She refused, left and then called my ex to have the police come to my house.
The police could not do anything except threaten me, telling me "I was breaking the order." I was stunned! I am not breaking the order, I'm protecting the well-being of my child, and protecting our relationship. If my ex can hop residences and change her phone number, and keep my youngest child from me, it's that easy for her mother to change her phone number, especially when she has already moved. I wasn't going to take the chance.

---- Does your ex MIL have any type of custody order granting HER custody? Or guardianship? I don't know why the police said what they said unless your ex sent some kind of court order that gives her mom guardianship or they're just dumb. I would 100% be taking your ex to court over all this.

My attorney sent in an Ex-parte Emergency order over my youngest; it was denied by the judge. Then her mother pulls this, and after I keep my oldest, she sends in an Ex-parte Emergency order to have me return my oldest son to her; and temporarily terminates my visitation till the court hearing. How can this be right. What a double standard. Has anyone ever heard of or experienced this? Her attorney sends the Abduction unit to my house to pick him up. However, they saw him, stated this was not criminal but civil and would not enforce anything. I still have my son 1 month later, court is on 6/24. She has my phone number, it has not changed in two years, nor has my address. She knows exactly where we are. She has not made any contact, called or came by. If she cared so much about getting our oldest back, wouldn't she be trying? We had mediation on Thursday morning, she did not show up. I'm stunned. I feel like her silence and doing nothing, is her way of trying to make it look like she doesn't know where he is. That he is really abducted. And that the judge is going to rule in her favor and completely take my visitation away. That's what she wants, and that was her return declaration, to completely take away my visitation. All double standards. I was asking for sole physical custody giving her visitation, but then lightened up in the mediation paperwork; stating I would be willing to stay joint and give us 50/50 etc. Does anyone have experience with this complex situation. She is stubborn and wants to take it all away from me. What am I looking at here? Advice or experiences please.....

--- If you have an attorney, use them. You're paying them for legal advice. If you're unhappy with your lawyer, get a new lawyer. I probably would find a new lawyer based on this info. Be glad your ex isn't making contact and isn't trying to get that child back. You should be able to use that in court. Be glad she didn't show up to mediation. That hurts her, not you. YOU show up to every court date. Every mediation. Reply to EVERY piece of paperwork that you get from the court. Let her fall on her ass. Don't worry about what she does.

Don't give into her. Don't make things "easier" for her. If she doesn't reach out to you, don't reach out to her especially when she didn't sign up for the court ordered app that you're supposed to communicate with. If she does contact you, keep it brief. Don't let your emotions get a hold of you. Only talk about the kids.

Hi Leslie,

Thank you for the advice. Regarding her mother. No, there is no custody, guardianship, etc. given to her mother. It's Joint legal custody. We are only legally separated. The most the order states is her mother would be a source of drop off and pick up for visitation. As for missing any dates; I did miss one, but my Attorney was unable to represent me, and told me not to worry his paralegals would cover it. I had another attorney representing me and I petitioned mother of kids through them. The court date given was pushed out or given an extension 3 times. First for my ex to obtain counsel, last two times due to the pandemic. Well after December when she completely denied me to see my youngest, suddenly stating I could not see him, because he was not my kid, and separated my two boys from each other. I had enough. The attorney wanted more money that I did not have, so they were not going to represent me on that hearing date. So from December2020-April2021; I did not have an attorney any longer. In the month of May I came into a little money, and hired another attorney (the one I have now) He filed the Ex-parte for me about the 4 months of alienation of my youngest and not being sure of his whereabouts. The court denied the emergency, plus gave me another court date of Jun 24th. I was upset. I already had the May 26th date from the previous attorney. I asked him plus his paralegals, what should we do about the first court date, was he going to represent me cause if not we need to cancel it. Never gave me an answer, I literally kept asking and calling every few days. Then the night before. His paralegal said, No he won't be reping you, and we are trying to get it cancelled or taken off calendar. I'm like ok, but at the last minute, when I was asking all along. She said just show up and be prepared, just in case. The next morning on court date, It was a phone hearing, I called and check-in onetime. I heard my attorneys paralegal chime in out of turn,stating please remove (name) from calendar; the clerk said nothing. Then when she called my last name. I informed her that my attorney was unable to rep me during the hearing, and that they were trying to cancel it. She stated you need to call your attorney, we don't cancel hearings right here. So I used another phone and called him, he stated "hang up." I don't want you speaking without me. So I did. Then the judge supposedly still made a judgement. I was upset. This attorney has been doing me wrong, plus I gave him all of my money already; and the previous attorney as well. All they have done is suck me dry of money. So anyway, I have one missed date, but it's the attorneys fault, and I hope the judge will understand that. This has been so much hell, and all I want is my rightful time with my children. They miss me and love me, they have cried for me. I guess it has been better than not being married, because I'm reading that fathers that were not married, are having an even harder time. No parental rights, and they need to be established. I just pray the Judge is fair and will see through her games and that she has been in contempt of court all along, not myself. Just because I wanted an address, and they would not supply it. The order states that either parent is to be inform 45 days in advance to moving the child to another address. In addition, if the children go to another residence for an extended period longer than 4 days, either parent needs to be informed, plus give consent. I never gave consent for both boys to live with her mother, and now she comes back; takes the youngest away and leaves my oldest with her mom to live. He cries to me, he misses his brother, he has not spoke to his mom, he misses me. It's heartbreaking.

 

[Red Kayak]

An attempt to add white space:

Hi Leslie,

Thank you for the advice.

There is no custody, guardianship, etc. given to her mother. It's Joint legal custody. We are only legally separated. The most the order states is her mother would be a source of drop off and pick up for visitation.

As for missing any dates; I did miss one. My Attorney was unable to represent me, and told me not to worry his paralegals would cover it. They did not. This is my 2nd attorney.

The 1st attorney I retained represented me until December. After December, when my wife completely denied me to see my youngest, because he was (allegedly) not my kid, and separated my two boys from each other. I had enough. The attorney wanted more money that I did not have, so they were not going to represent me on that hearing date.

From December 2020-April 2021; I did not have an attorney.

In May I came into a little money, and hired another attorney (the one I have now) He filed the Ex-parte for me about the 4 months of alienation of my youngest and not being sure of his whereabouts. The court denied the emergency, plus gave me another court date of Jun 24th. I was upset.

I already had the May 26th date from the previous attorney. I asked my current attorney plus his paralegals, what should we do about the first court date: was he going to represent me cause if not we need to cancel it. Crickets, I literally kept asking and calling every few days. Then the night before. His paralegal said, "No he won't be reping you, and we are trying to get it cancelled or taken off calendar." I'm like ok, but at the last minute, when I was asking all along. She said just show up and be prepared, just in case.

The next morning on court date, I called and check-in on time for the phone hearing. I heard my attorney's paralegal chime in out of turn, stating "please remove (Kelmore) from calendar"; the clerk said nothing. Then when she called my last name. I informed her that my attorney was unable to rep me during the hearing, and that they were trying to cancel it. She stated you need to call your attorney, we don't cancel hearings right here. So I used another phone and called him, he stated, "Hang up. I don't want you speaking without me." So I did. Then the judge supposedly still made a judgement.

I was upset. This attorney has been doing me wrong, plus I gave him all of my money already; and the previous attorney as well. All they have done is suck me dry of money.

So anyway, I have one missed date, but it's the attorneys fault, and I hope the judge will understand that.

This has been so much hell, and all I want is my rightful time with my children. They miss me and love me, they have cried for me. I guess it has been better than not being married, because I'm reading that fathers that were not married, are having an even harder time. No parental rights, and they need to be established.

I just pray the Judge is fair and will see through her games and that she has been in contempt of court all along, not myself. Just because I wanted an address, and they would not supply it. The order states that either parent is to be inform 45 days in advance to moving the child to another address. In addition, if the children go to another residence for an extended period longer than 4 days, either parent needs to be informed, plus give consent. I never gave consent for both boys to live with her mother, and now she comes back; takes the youngest away and leaves my oldest with her mom to live. He cries to me, he misses his brother, he has not spoke to his mom, he misses me. It's heartbreaking.

Attorney 2 does not sound competent. But you ramble so much, there is no way that you are going to effectively represent yourself. Check the terms of your contract: the money you gave him was a retainer. There may be a way to get some of the unused $ back. Or, there may be no $ left, because they charge for every communication.

You have some valid points, I think, but you are not prioritizing well.

Mom is wrong: unless and until your LEGAL paternity is DISESTABLISHED, the younger child is LEGALLY your child, and you are the LEGAL father. Any temporary orders regarding your parenting time still holds: take her to court for contempt. Don't breathe a word of "alienation" - the fact that your attorney tried using that is worrisome. The legal issue is that as the legal parent, you have parental rights and want to see your child.

Find out what forms of communication are legally admissible in your local court, and start communicating with Mom that way (pretty much exclusively). Always be respectful and civil, and stick strictly to the bare minimum information needed. Example: "I'll be picking up the kids for my parenting time at (date/time/location)." No emotion, no faulting, just logistics. If she replies, "Dream on, Kenmore. Temporary orders don't matter. Well, except for child support and alimony, you loser" - or something to that effect, do not respond emotionally. Show up and attempt to exercise your parental rights, and document your attempts. This documents what's going on, so the judge doesn't have to guess who is more credible.

Sorry about what happened May 26th. Because your attorney and paralegals didn't do their job, and misadvised you to hang up, you were labelled a no show and a default judgement was entered for the party that did show. What was the default judgement? How unfavorable is it to you? What does your attorney plan on doing? (FYI: I would not have hung up if I were you. I'd have stayed on, told the judge the situation with my attorneys (past and present) when asked. At best, the judge would prefer dealing with competent legal counsel over you, and continue to the next court date.)

This is just a start. Others can give you more detailed advice.

 

[Red Kayak]

An attempt to add white space:

Hi Leslie,

Thank you for the advice.

There is no custody, guardianship, etc. given to her mother. It's Joint legal custody. We are only legally separated. The most the order states is her mother would be a source of drop off and pick up for visitation.

As for missing any dates; I did miss one. My Attorney was unable to represent me, and told me not to worry his paralegals would cover it. They did not. This is my 2nd attorney.

The 1st attorney I retained represented me until December. After December, when my wife completely denied me to see my youngest, because he was (allegedly) not my kid, and separated my two boys from each other. I had enough. The attorney wanted more money that I did not have, so they were not going to represent me on that hearing date.

From December 2020-April 2021; I did not have an attorney.

In May I came into a little money, and hired another attorney (the one I have now) He filed the Ex-parte for me about the 4 months of alienation of my youngest and not being sure of his whereabouts. The court denied the emergency, plus gave me another court date of Jun 24th. I was upset.

I already had the May 26th date from the previous attorney. I asked my current attorney plus his paralegals, what should we do about the first court date: was he going to represent me cause if not we need to cancel it. Crickets, I literally kept asking and calling every few days. Then the night before. His paralegal said, "No he won't be reping you, and we are trying to get it cancelled or taken off calendar." I'm like ok, but at the last minute, when I was asking all along. She said just show up and be prepared, just in case.

The next morning on court date, I called and check-in on time for the phone hearing. I heard my attorney's paralegal chime in out of turn, stating "please remove (Kelmore) from calendar"; the clerk said nothing. Then when she called my last name. I informed her that my attorney was unable to rep me during the hearing, and that they were trying to cancel it. She stated you need to call your attorney, we don't cancel hearings right here. So I used another phone and called him, he stated, "Hang up. I don't want you speaking without me." So I did. Then the judge supposedly still made a judgement.

I was upset. This attorney has been doing me wrong, plus I gave him all of my money already; and the previous attorney as well. All they have done is suck me dry of money.

So anyway, I have one missed date, but it's the attorneys fault, and I hope the judge will understand that.

This has been so much hell, and all I want is my rightful time with my children. They miss me and love me, they have cried for me. I guess it has been better than not being married, because I'm reading that fathers that were not married, are having an even harder time. No parental rights, and they need to be established.

I just pray the Judge is fair and will see through her games and that she has been in contempt of court all along, not myself. Just because I wanted an address, and they would not supply it. The order states that either parent is to be inform 45 days in advance to moving the child to another address. In addition, if the children go to another residence for an extended period longer than 4 days, either parent needs to be informed, plus give consent. I never gave consent for both boys to live with her mother, and now she comes back; takes the youngest away and leaves my oldest with her mom to live. He cries to me, he misses his brother, he has not spoke to his mom, he misses me. It's heartbreaking.

Attorney 2 does not sound competent. But you ramble so much, there is no way that you are going to effectively represent yourself. Check the terms of your contract: the money you gave him was a retainer. There may be a way to get some of the unused $ back. Or, there may be no $ left, because they charge for every communication.

You have some valid points, I think, but you are not prioritizing well.

Mom is wrong: unless and until your LEGAL paternity is DISESTABLISHED, the younger child is LEGALLY your child, and you are the LEGAL father. Any temporary orders regarding your parenting time still holds: take her to court for contempt. Don't breathe a word of "alienation" - the fact that your attorney tried using that is worrisome. The legal issue is that as the legal parent, you have parental rights and want to see your child.

Find out what forms of communication are legally admissible in your local court, and start communicating with Mom that way (pretty much exclusively). Always be respectful and civil, and stick strictly to the bare minimum information needed. Example: "I'll be picking up the kids for my parenting time at (date/time/location)." No emotion, no faulting, just logistics. If she replies, "Dream on, Kenmore. Temporary orders don't matter. Well, except for child support and alimony, you loser" - or something to that effect, do not respond emotionally. Show up and attempt to exercise your parental rights, and document your attempts. This documents what's going on, so the judge doesn't have to guess who is more credible.

Sorry about what happened May 26th. Because your attorney and paralegals didn't do their job, and misadvised you to hang up, you were labelled a no show and a default judgement was entered for the party that did show. What was the default judgement? How unfavorable is it to you? What does your attorney plan on doing? (FYI: I would not have hung up if I were you. I'd have stayed on, told the judge the situation with my attorneys (past and present) when asked. At best, the judge would prefer dealing with competent legal counsel over you, and continue to the next court date.)

This is just a start. Others can give you more detailed advice.

 

[leslie82]

Hi Leslie,

Thank you for the advice. Regarding her mother. No, there is no custody, guardianship, etc. given to her mother. It's Joint legal custody. We are only legally separated. The most the order states is her mother would be a source of drop off and pick up for visitation. As for missing any dates; I did miss one, but my Attorney was unable to represent me, and told me not to worry his paralegals would cover it. I had another attorney representing me and I petitioned mother of kids through them. The court date given was pushed out or given an extension 3 times. First for my ex to obtain counsel, last two times due to the pandemic. Well after December when she completely denied me to see my youngest, suddenly stating I could not see him, because he was not my kid, and separated my two boys from each other. I had enough. The attorney wanted more money that I did not have, so they were not going to represent me on that hearing date. So from December2020-April2021; I did not have an attorney any longer. In the month of May I came into a little money, and hired another attorney (the one I have now) He filed the Ex-parte for me about the 4 months of alienation of my youngest and not being sure of his whereabouts. The court denied the emergency, plus gave me another court date of Jun 24th. I was upset. I already had the May 26th date from the previous attorney. I asked him plus his paralegals, what should we do about the first court date, was he going to represent me cause if not we need to cancel it. Never gave me an answer, I literally kept asking and calling every few days. Then the night before. His paralegal said, No he won't be reping you, and we are trying to get it cancelled or taken off calendar. I'm like ok, but at the last minute, when I was asking all along. She said just show up and be prepared, just in case. The next morning on court date, It was a phone hearing, I called and check-in onetime. I heard my attorneys paralegal chime in out of turn,stating please remove (name) from calendar; the clerk said nothing. Then when she called my last name. I informed her that my attorney was unable to rep me during the hearing, and that they were trying to cancel it. She stated you need to call your attorney, we don't cancel hearings right here. So I used another phone and called him, he stated "hang up." I don't want you speaking without me. So I did. Then the judge supposedly still made a judgement. I was upset. This attorney has been doing me wrong, plus I gave him all of my money already; and the previous attorney as well. All they have done is suck me dry of money. So anyway, I have one missed date, but it's the attorneys fault, and I hope the judge will understand that. This has been so much hell, and all I want is my rightful time with my children. They miss me and love me, they have cried for me. I guess it has been better than not being married, because I'm reading that fathers that were not married, are having an even harder time. No parental rights, and they need to be established. I just pray the Judge is fair and will see through her games and that she has been in contempt of court all along, not myself. Just because I wanted an address, and they would not supply it. The order states that either parent is to be inform 45 days in advance to moving the child to another address. In addition, if the children go to another residence for an extended period longer than 4 days, either parent needs to be informed, plus give consent. I never gave consent for both boys to live with her mother, and now she comes back; takes the youngest away and leaves my oldest with her mom to live. He cries to me, he misses his brother, he has not spoke to his mom, he misses me. It's heartbreaking.

Your mother in law has no say on anything with your children. If I was you, I'd just go over there and get the child. She can't stop you since she has no legal custody or guardianship at all. She's legally no one in this matter. At all.


Legally those children are yours. Period. You were married when they were born and still married technically. Married men are the presumed fathers of children born during a marriage. Since that wasn't disputed within the amount of time (some states allow paternity disputed but it's like within the kid's first six months of life) this alleged sperm donor legally is also a stranger and has no say. Your wife is being a moron saying you can't see the youngest he isn't your son. Until your parental rights to that child are relinquished, yes you are the father.


You need to find a different lawyer. Based on your post, that person sounds like someone I wouldn't want representing me if it was my case. But it's hard to tell with just your side of it. You can't really blame the attorney. They don't own you. I'd have stayed on the call regardless of the attorney so it wouldn't be held against me by the judge. Yes – if one person doesn't show up the judge can still rule. I have a default divorce decree because my ex husband decided it wasn't worth his time to appear. I also have sole custody and parenting time at my discretion because he didn't show up, didn't do the required parenting class or mediation.


Yes it's true unmarried males have to establish paternity. Why wouldn't they?


You need to look around for a better lawyer. Find ones that do free consultations to start. When I was looking for a divorce lawyer, one of them (after telling my story and that there was abuse involved) offered to waive their consultation fee because of the abuse.

 

[freedom fred]

whatever you do. respect the judge. if there is anything you don't follow that is in writing. The judge will hate you for it. If you beleive mom is not following there obligation. don't act untill you get an emergency petition. You don't a judge to think you don't follow there orders.

 

[justblue]

whatever you do. respect the judge. if there is anything you don't follow that is in writing. The judge will hate you for it. If you beleive mom is not following there obligation. don't act untill you get an emergency petition. You don't a judge to think you don't follow there orders.

Fred
It would be a lot easier to understand the point you are trying to make if you were to use (somewhat) appropriate punctuation and spelling.

Also, it is highly unlikely that the Judge "will hate you" for not following a court order, though s/he may scold/punish you.