529Plan in NJ

[zddoodah]

The issue I was angling for with my questions is this:

If your ex knew about the 529 plan that was only in your name and did not address it in the settlement, then she should not be able to undo that now. In addition, it is standard in divorce settlements that the agreement says something like the following: "Any assets not expressly mentioned above, and which are in husband's possession are hereby conferred to husband, and any assets not expressly mentioned above, and which are in wife's possession are hereby conferred to wife." Also, in a normal divorce, there is a mutual disclosure of assets.

In your case it sounds like there was no mutual disclosure but that your ex knew about the 529 plan anyway. Unfortunately, your agreement doesn't contain the standard language I mentioned.

Where does that leave you? I don't know. I'm not a NJ divorce lawyer. You seem to have a NJ divorce lawyer, and I have no basis to contradict what he/she has told you.

I think you ought to give serious consideration to dropping any discussion of paying for college. Doesn't seem like you have anything to gain.

 

[Zigner]

Thank you for pointing that out, please research Narcissistic Personality Disorder and perhaps you will gain some empathy towards my situation.

This was your DIVORCE. You were getting away from her. There was no good reason to leave things so vague.

 

[retic]

We are going through mediation in an attempt to settle post divorce debts she owes me and sell the marital residence. I am fuming because my ex's attorney made this assertion (that 50% of the value 529 plan at the date of divorce plus accrued earnings since - is attributable to my ex), the mediator agreed and my attorney refused to comment. I feel like I am living in the twilight zone.

Focus on collecting on the debts your ex owes you versus who contributed what to the 529. As was pointed out, your ex has zero obligation to pay for any university expenses so arguing over who contributed what to the 529 is just running up your legal bill for no good reason.

Tell your daughter that there is $150k available, and if college costs more than that then she needs to figure out how to come up with the difference. You haven't indicated what your daughter plans to major in, but I've read that Rutgers is an excellent school and there's enough saved for a four-year degree.

 

[Zigner]

Focus on collecting on the debts your ex owes you versus who contributed what to the 529. As was pointed out, your ex has zero obligation to pay for any university expenses so arguing over who contributed what to the 529 is just running up your legal bill for no good reason.

Tell your daughter that there is $150k available, and if college costs more than that then she needs to figure out how to come up with the difference. You haven't indicated what your daughter plans to major in, but I've read that Rutgers is an excellent school and there's enough saved for a four-year degree.

You missed the entire point of the thread. Ex-wife feels entitled to a significant portion of the funds in the 529 plan.

 

[davefromnj]

This was your DIVORCE. You were getting away from her. There was no good reason to leave things so vague.

Again, please research Narcissistic Personality Disorder before "gaslighting" me. I did not realize my ex had this disorder at the time of my divorce. The mental abuse, gaslighting, brainwashing, manipulating my ex had done to me left me in such a compromised mental state I had no effing idea what I was doing. People with NPD are truly masters at mind control and manipulation. Just imagine what this individual has done to my daughter, at least I lived the first 29 years of my life without having such a traumatic influence in my life. Nevertheless I am scarred for life in many ways due to this woman; mentally and financially.

The awareness regarding NPD in both the legal and psychological professions is terribly lacking. It is a dangerous condition and individuals suffering from such are truly psychotic, however they are worse than a psychotic as they have the power to manipulate.

 

[Zigner]

Again, please research Narcissistic Personality Disorder before "gaslighting" me.

I'm not gaslighting you and I'm surprised you would say that I am. The simple fact is that YOU are the one who agreed to such a vague settlement agreement and it's now coming back to bite you in the tush. It's a simple fact. Really.

 

[Red Kayak]

Again, please research Narcissistic Personality Disorder before "gaslighting" me. I did not realize my ex had this disorder at the time of my divorce. The mental abuse, gaslighting, brainwashing, manipulating my ex had done to me left me in such a compromised mental state I had no effing idea what I was doing. People with NPD are truly masters at mind control and manipulation. Just imagine what this individual has done to my daughter, at least I lived the first 29 years of my life without having such a traumatic influence in my life. Nevertheless I am scarred for life in many ways due to this woman; mentally and financially.

The awareness regarding NPD in both the legal and psychological professions is terribly lacking. It is a dangerous condition and individuals suffering from such are truly psychotic, however they are worse than a psychotic as they have the power to manipulate.

Has your ex had a psychiatric evaluation, wherein she was diagnosed with NPD? If not, and you just "know" she has NPD based on what you've read or your therapist told you, then, ERASE THIS TERMINOLOGY FROM YOUR VOCABULARY.

It is NOT LEGALLY RELEVANT if she has not been professionally diagnosed.

Your allegations are spurious in the absence of a diagnosis.

Your daughter lives with your ex. Your daughter knows what the ex's values are. Your daughter has little to do with you, and judging by your refusal to answer anyone's questions, for all we know she might have no interest in college at all.

ANSWER PEOPLE'S QUESTIONS; trashing your ex makes you look bad. We know you aren't buddies. Most of us aren't buddies with our exes.

 

[davefromnj]

Has your ex had a psychiatric evaluation, wherein she was diagnosed with NPD? If not, and you just "know" she has NPD based on what you've read or your therapist told you, then, ERASE THIS TERMINOLOGY FROM YOUR VOCABULARY.

It is NOT LEGALLY RELEVANT if she has not been professionally diagnosed.

Your allegations are spurious in the absence of a diagnosis.

Your daughter lives with your ex. Your daughter knows what the ex's values are. Your daughter has little to do with you, and judging by your refusal to answer anyone's questions, for all we know she might have no interest in college at all.

ANSWER PEOPLE'S QUESTIONS; trashing your ex makes you look bad. We know you aren't buddies. Most of us aren't buddies with our exes.

Now that was a disturbing message.

Point out one question I did not answer.

Secondly, you are wrong - I have sole physical custody of my daughter. I had to take over full custody due to child abuse issues.

You are making assumptions.- which is wrong, understanding there are two sides to every story, for you to inherently assume everything I say is a lie is unprofessional and inappropriate.

Last I checked, freedom of speech is still a thing. You cannot imagine in your wildest dreams the pain and suffering I and my daughter have been through and continue to be subjected to.

I asked ONE QUESTION, that one question turned into numerous follow up personal questions that I answered with honesty and details. All that I asked is for advice with regard to a legitimate legal question, period.


Thank you

 

[Zigner]

Lighten up - really. We're volunteers.

 

[davefromnj]

Lighten up - really. We're volunteers.

Trust me when I say I value this forum beyond anything I can express in words. Perhaps I am too sensitive and broken from all I have been through, but I cant help but feel frustrated when it appears my character is being attacked.

 

[Red Kayak]

Point out one question I did not answer.

Here's one, from post #10: "In your original post, you told us that the 529 plan was not mentioned in the divorce settlement/decree. Why was it not mentioned? Did you disclose the existence of the plan during the divorce proceedings leading up to the settlement?"

Here's another one: "What are your daughter's expectations? What is your daughter's aptitude? Have you read any of the popular self help books about college admissions?"

Secondly, you are wrong - I have sole physical custody of my daughter. I had to take over full custody due to child abuse issues.

That's new information. You've not mentioned any modifications to the parenting plan post-decree. And I specifically asked about that in post #19: "b) You really agreed to no holiday time, no vacation time with your child?!"

I question your credibility. I think you are making up stuff. And if you are NOT making up stuff, then you are really poor at presenting your facts and arguments.

Your ex can choose to be a pill. Your daughter can choose to take out loans, of modify her college search, and seek out schools that offer merit based aid or schools with affordable tuition.

And don't trash your ex to your daughter.

 

[davefromnj]

Here's one, from post #10: "In your original post, you told us that the 529 plan was not mentioned in the divorce settlement/decree. Why was it not mentioned? Did you disclose the existence of the plan during the divorce proceedings leading up to the settlement?"

Here's another one: "What are your daughter's expectations? What is your daughter's aptitude? Have you read any of the popular self help books about college admissions?"



That's new information. You've not mentioned any modifications to the parenting plan post-decree. And I specifically asked about that in post #19: "b) You really agreed to no holiday time, no vacation time with your child?!"

I question your credibility. I think you are making up stuff. And if you are NOT making up stuff, then you are really poor at presenting your facts and arguments.

Your ex can choose to be a pill. Your daughter can choose to take out loans, of modify her college search, and seek out schools that offer merit based aid or schools with affordable tuition.

And don't trash your ex to your daughter.

Sadly look at what this has turned into. There was one simple legal question - is my ex entitled to stake a claim in a 529 Plan that was omitted from the settlement agreement. My ex never gave a damn about her daughter's future, but now she and her attorney are asserting that 50% of the value of the plan as of the date of divorce plus earnings shall represent my ex's share of college costs. You cannot go back in history. I am not demanding my ex to contribute towards college, she is asserting she is contributing 40% using my money.

I am sorry you feel I am lying. Perhaps I am poor at presenting the facts because I have a stressful job and multi-tasking, plus I am an emotional wreck from all the stress due to the mediation and my daughter's mental struggles from being gaslight and manipulated her entire life. Why you prefer to demonize me is beyond comprehension.

Thank you

 

[Zigner]

Point out one question I did not answer.

The first line of the response you quoted had a question you didn't answer: Has your ex had a psychiatric evaluation, wherein she was diagnosed with NPD?

 

[army judge]

I removed OP's divorce documents per his written request.

 

[davefromnj]

The first line of the response you quoted had a question you didn't answer: Has your ex had a psychiatric evaluation, wherein she was diagnosed with NPD?

Do you have a clue about NPD? How do you think someone gets diagnosed? If you knew about the disorder you would know that even the most skilled psychologists have difficulty diagnosing it because the narcissist is so skilled at deflecting and manipulating. I contacted the DCCP (Division of Protective Child Services) because I wanted my daughter protected from my ex and I wanted a psych eval done on her. Upon reading emails my ex sent to my daughter the social workers deemed my ex a "sociopath". Funny thing happened next, upon meeting with my ex the social workers came back with the conclusion that I am truly the abusive parent - I asked if you truly believe that why not take custody away from me - they responded with "there are holes in your ex wife's story". So their conclusion was to subjected both myself and my ex to a psych eval, Guess what happened next? They cancelled the psych evals because, as I was told, my ex said :"it wasn't necessary, all is good now".

Think about that, think really hard about that.



On another note - MODERATOR MAY I ASK FOR THIS THREAD TO BE DELETED?

 

[army judge]

Do you have a clue about NPD? How do you think someone gets diagnosed? If you knew about the disorder you would know that even the most skilled psychologists have difficulty diagnosing it because the narcissist is so skilled at deflecting and manipulating. I contacted the DCCP (Division of Protective Child Services) because I wanted my daughter protected from my ex and I wanted a psych eval done on her. Upon reading emails my ex sent to my daughter the social workers deemed my ex a "sociopath". Funny thing happened next, upon meeting with my ex the social workers came back with the conclusion that I am truly the abusive parent - I asked if you truly believe that why not take custody away from me - they responded with "there are holes in your ex wife's story". So their conclusion was to subjected both myself and my ex to a psych eval, Guess what happened next? They cancelled the psych evals because, as I was told, my ex said :"it wasn't necessary, all is good now".

Think about that, think really hard about that.



On another note - MODERATOR MAY I ASK FOR THIS THREAD TO BE DELETED?

It is much easier to CLOSE the thread.

Thread closed to squash any tensions.