Custodial parent moved out of state leaving no address

[Ohiogal]

Sorry, Red. Parental rights don't go away just because parents decide for whatever reason not to exercise visitation. Your information is as bad as anybody else's in the thread.

The only clear thing is he needs to be talking to an attorney that specializes in these things, to determine what exactly the situation (is there an obligation not to move with or without notice to the state/father and then what to do next.

If mom is in Ohio... Ohio can determine that he has abandoned the child. Has he been paying child support? Can I state that Ohio has proper jurisdiction? No.. but in Probate court if mom is remarried, yes, they would... so mom could pursue a stepparent adoption and dad's consent would NOT be necessary. IF she is in Ohio and remarried.

 

[Zigner]

...

Welcome!

 

[flyingron]

A court can decide that OG, yes, but until that happens (which I can guarantee is going to at least require the illusion of parental notification), he retains parental rights. Nobody said anything about being delinquent on support in all this.

 

[leslie82]

Thanks again. A few more details, let me know if you think this may put me at a disadvantage (or maybe advantage?). I have been prevented by the mother from being involved with my daughter due to the following:

1. When my daughter was almost 13 she told me that she didn't want to come over anymore because she cannot be herself with me. (Probably because she has more "freedom" to do what she wants with her mom). I tried reasoning with her mother but her mother straight out text messaged me saying she will not enforce the parenting plan. At this point my daughter had started getting in trouble at school for things like brining weed to school, bringing razor blades to school and saying she's going to cut herself. She got suspended for a time over these things. Then the mother/custodial parent moved to a different part of the city without giving me the address and stopped returning my calls or text messages.


2. When trying to determine what course of action I should take, a father's rights... activist? named Mike Weening told me that some time in the teenage years kids go into what he calls a "black hole" and prefer to not see one of the parents and usually reach back out to that parent after they turn 18. He recommended if I tried to get the court to enforce the parenting plan it could cause SEVERE long-term damage to my relationship with my daughter. After much thought and prayer I took his advice, which wasn't easy for me to do but now I'm thinking I made the wrong choice even though the mother admittedly refused to enforce the parenting plan and also changed addresses (i.e. moved) in the same city but did not give me her new address. As of right now I'm thinking I shouldn't've taken this mans advice.

My daughter is now 16.
I just learned that at some point a year or two ago she tried to commit suicide and had to be flown to a hospital up state. Her mother never notified me about this, and according to the parenting plan and court order, we are required to inform each other of serious medical issues regarding our daughter.
Her mom allows her to drink and smoke pot and cigarettes. My daughter has posted pictures of herself doing these things on social media. When I informed her mother, she said she would take care of it.
Then I find I'm now blocked from all my daughter's social media accounts.
I've heard it is common for a teen to reject the parent that has more structure/standards/is stricter. This parent is me -(since not doing drugs is stricter than her mom).
There will be no smoking or drinking with me.
Zero.
Her mom has even bought her older, but minor, sister a pipe for smoking weed.
Her mom is an admitted alcoholic and has used meth on and off (in court she denies all of this).
I always thought she would eventually get caught up in the system over her drug use and I would be given my daughter.
Somehow she has never been caught in any legal trouble doing any of these things.

I have most likely followed some bad advice and now I have little leverage, if any on my side, I'm thinking.
Maybe also because my daughter is 16 and from what she told me when she was 12 years old, doesn't want to see me I have zero leverage on my side? However she did at some point tell my adult daughter that she doesn't know why she doesn't see me anymore, so maybe she forgot or?? Maybe somehow her mother put it in her head that I don't want to see her? I can only speculate.
I am willing to accept that I have made some serious legal mistakes. If there is little to nothing I can do I am able to accept that.
However, as a father, concerned for my daughters safety, with drug use and attempted suicide, I feel whatever my options are, no matter how small and insignificant they might be because I may have given up a lot of legal standing by following this advice, I want to still follow through and do what I can to at least try to protect my daughter.

I have my daughter's email address and last week I sent her a couple of emails letting her know that I love her, will not shame her for not seeing me and that she can reach out to me for anything she needs and I will give it to her. And that if she wants to come back here I will fly her out any time.
I do not have her phone number, my sister got it from her recently, also my adult daughter (different mother) has it who has also told me that sometimes her phone is shut off - disconnected.
I've not messaged or called her because I don't know if her mom is monitoring it, or even if my daughter wants to talk to or see me or not.
In fact, my daughter told my ADULT daughter (different mom) that she doesn't even know why she doesn't see me anymore.
about a week or two, when she was still 12, and said she didn't want to come over anymore because she couldn't be herself with me, I went to a back to school parent's meeting, something like that, her mom didn't show up. After the meeting I bought her some things at the book fair, something like that, that I thought she would like. I brought it by her mom's place and her mom told me that she wouldn't come to the door, so I just gave the things I bought for her to her mom.
My concern is that if she wouldn't even come to the door, maybe she thinks I'm looking to shame her? If that's what she thinks, no way will she respond to my text messages or calls, in fact, I'm concerned they may cause her to push me away even more.
But maybe I'm wrong? Maybe now she thinks I don't want to see her? Maybe she's forgotten about her telling me that she doesn't want to come over anymore?

1. --What did you do at this time? Did you take her to court for not enforcing the parenting plan? Did you call the police when you hadn't heard from your daughter and ask for a welfare check at the very least?

2. No you should not have listened to anyone who says they are a "fathers' rights activist." You should not have taken advice from anyone except a lawyer or if your child was seeing a therapist/counselor. I don't know why you bothered to listen to some stranger. You should have taken your ex to court for contempt of the custody order.

You keep mentioning the court order but you haven't done anything to actually make your ex abide by it. You've been letting her get away with ignoring it.

If you haven't seen your daughter how do you know what her mom does or doesn't allow?It's a pretty bold claim that she's "allowing" her to smoke weed or cigarettes when you aren't around her and haven't seen her.

Stop listening to "things you heard." Every custody situation is different. You need to handle YOUR situation and you should have long ago taken her back to court when she stopped enforcing the custody order.

"I always thought she would eventually get caught up in the system over her drug use and I would be given my daughter." - This - is very telling. How about you stop leaving things to chance and just take her back to court? You could have done this years ago and maybe not be in this situation. You've allowed her to ignore the court order and to me, it sounds like you just really don't care to fight for your daughter based on all your comments.

"Somehow she has never been caught in any legal trouble doing any of these things." Either because she's not doing illegal things you're accusing you of OR she's just not doing it places she would get caught. If she doesn't have to be regularly drug tested, of course she won't get caught.

"I have most likely followed some bad advice and now I have little leverage, if any on my side, I'm thinking." - Yeah you did. You followed horrible advice.

"Maybe also because my daughter is 16 and from what she told me when she was 12 years old, doesn't want to see me I have zero leverage on my side? However she did at some point tell my adult daughter that she doesn't know why she doesn't see me anymore, so maybe she forgot or?? Maybe somehow her mother put it in her head that I don't want to see her? I can only speculate." It doesn't matter what she said at 12 or now. The first time the mom ignored the parenting plan is when you should have taken action but you didn't - and now you have the cluster that you have.

"However, as a father, concerned for my daughters safety, with drug use and attempted suicide, I feel whatever my options are, no matter how small and insignificant they might be because I may have given up a lot of legal standing by following this advice, I want to still follow through and do what I can to at least try to protect my daughter." - Again based on your comments, your concern doesn't seem that great considering what little action you have taken over the years despite hearing about your daughter doing drugs or thinking your ex is doing drugs. All you can do is get a lawyer to help you. Look up a few who do free consultations and see which noe you think is a fit for you to assist you. If you don't have an address, it's going to be hard to get her served though.

If you have your daughter's email - did you ask for her address? She may not respond but that's what I'd be asking.


"I've not messaged or called her because I don't know if her mom is monitoring it, or even if my daughter wants to talk to or see me or not." - How badly do you want to see your daughter again? Again your messages don't seem like you want to fight and that you aren't fighting to get back your parenting time and custody. That's the perception I get.

Stop assuming about what your daughter is or isn't thinking because you don't know what she's thinking. You should have went back to court when this started but you can't change that. Now, you need to find a competent attorney to help you with this and figure out where they are so you can have her served and start the process. All I keep reading are excuses though.

 

[leslie82]

And not much of an issue.

Since it's been years since Dad has chosen to exercise parenting time, he has little grounds to demand kiddo move back to his state. Not even a basis to argue that Mom should foot the bill for travel to the nonexistent parenting time.

Yeah, it's reasonable for Dad to want an address, but Mom has not kidnapped the kid.

He has been following some really lousy advice.

She did kidnap the kid because she violated the custody order by not modifying it before moving out of state. Yeah it seems like he's full of excuses and hasn't made attempts to fix the issue of the mom denying parenting time - but she was still supposed to go to court to modify the order to take the child out of state with her.

There is a parenting plan that if it's true she stopped abiding by, he should have done something sooner. I'm not feeling his excuses but he does still have parental rights and parenting time. And she left the state without modifying the order and without notifying the court or him of her moving.

 

[Zigner]

She did kidnap the kid because she violated the custody order by not modifying it before moving out of state.

We don't know the contents of the order. What we do know is that, according to the OP, the other parent moved without giving proper notification and that an attorney was consulted who advised that the OP didn't have any options without knowing where the other parent was. Based on that attorney's advice alone, it can be inferred that we are missing significant facts.