custody

[leslie82]

I said she has never withheld visitation from me. She did allow me to take our child to day care at the LAST day of my visitation, however I was always late. Which is why she decided to not allow me anymore . Again, she has never once withheld visitation.

My child needs both father and mother equal times so that is why I believe strongly In doing everything equally.

Just realize you will never have 100% equal time. Especially as that kid gets older. Even parents with 50/50 I'm sure it's not exactly 50/50.

Okay she didn't withhold. Got it.

You still haven't answered what significant changes have happened since the last time you were in front of judge. If you can't provide that you aren't getting what you want. AND be prepared when you go to court that the judge asks you why you haven't been paying child support. Now your ex can ask for it to be waived I think. But until then you owe child support. Whether you want to pay it or not. Whether you agree with the law or not. Perhaps you should have had your ex waive it to start with. That was an option. I almost waived child support with my ex because I knew he wouldn't pay anything.

 

[ElleMD]

Your child needs for you to step up and pay support as ordered by the court. That goes double if you don't have the child 50% of the time and aren't paying for 50% of all of the child's expenses. Support isn't just for things like clothing and food. It is intended to cover housing, utilities, transportation costs, etc. Your child needed for you to get them to day care on time, and not late. If you aren't doing either, you don't make a great case for 50/50 physical custody. Nor does living 45 minutes away. Can you really be counted on to get the child to school on time every day without a license, and when you couldn't get the child to day care even one day a week?

 

[Gammyitup]

I dont even know what "change" means. every time i try to file, i have been always told i dont satisfy the law that I changed. I dont know what that means exactly. I have been recently engaged.

My ex did ask to close the child support case and tried to come to a civil agreement with me to where i would have our child 2 overnights every week with a pending 50/50 time share if i prove to her that I can support our child.

that changed when i could not keep up with my child support payments because I told her i would pay double the current monthly support and i only prefer to pay directly to her. Once she has seen I do not keep paying child support nor do I keep to the terms of our civilized agreement, she went back to our court orders and opened up the child support case again so now I have modification and contempt hearings coming up. Modification with the receipts to prove I can pay more than the ordered amount , and contempt because i have not pay the state directly since 2013. I am about 11k behind. Maybe i screwed up by not sticking to our agreement, i even brought it up in my last filing and the judge asked for proof but we have never had anything on paper so I could not get it back to what the mother and i agreed on. She is the one that says she doesnt want anything on paper until I could prove it. Then we're just back to the court orders which i hate, and is alot of driving for me, and im forced to pay child support when i want 50/50 and for us both to have the child equally and provide for the child in our own times.

 

[leslie82]

I dont even know what "change" means. every time i try to file, i have been always told i dont satisfy the law that I changed. I dont know what that means exactly. I have been recently engaged.

My ex did ask to close the child support case and tried to come to a civil agreement with me to where i would have our child 2 overnights every week with a pending 50/50 time share if i prove to her that I can support our child.

that changed when i could not keep up with my child support payments because I told her i would pay double the current monthly support and i only prefer to pay directly to her. Once she has seen I do not keep paying child support nor do I keep to the terms of our civilized agreement, she went back to our court orders and opened up the child support case again so now I have modification and contempt hearings coming up. Modification with the receipts to prove I can pay more than the ordered amount , and contempt because i have not pay the state directly since 2013. I am about 11k behind. Maybe i screwed up by not sticking to our agreement, i even brought it up in my last filing and the judge asked for proof but we have never had anything on paper so I could not get it back to what the mother and i agreed on. She is the one that says she doesnt want anything on paper until I could prove it. Then we're just back to the court orders which i hate, and is alot of driving for me, and im forced to pay child support when i want 50/50 and for us both to have the child equally and provide for the child in our own times.

How do you not know what a change in the situation means? What was the reason you weren't granted 50/50 to start with? Has anything changed from that initial decision? That is what change means. Has your situation improved? Is it more stable? We don't know why you weren't given 50/50 because you haven't answered that question.

So the case was never closed she simply asked for it to be? That means that you likely owe arrears and you are going to owe it.

Seriously? You don't get to do what you "prefer" when there's a court order. By paying directly to her, that is a gift. Legally that's a gift. Yes you did screw up. Big time.

Never, ever modify the court order with anything outside of court! And document everything! I hope you learned your lesson.

You know the common trend I keep seeing in your comments? The words "I" and "me." Nothing about your son. "I hate the court orders." "I want more time." "This doesn't benefit me." "I have to drive a lot." "I have to pay child support."

Even with 50/50 you can still pay child support. Oh boo hoo you have to drive? Guess what? When I was with my ex husband and we lived in Kansas I was driving 4 1/2 hours one way for us to see his kids because she wouldn't meet us anywhere. So that's a 9 hour round trip - and after we had our daughter she still didn't care. Then moved closer - and she rarely met. She was supposed to come pick them up from where we lived and she wouldn't. So cry me a river that you drive 45 minutes one way. Suck it up buttercup that's life when you're divorced and have kids.

Stop worrying about how this affects you and think about your kid. What's best for your kid.

You have to prove to the judge that your situation has changed since the initial order and it sounds like it hasn't.

 

[KatDini]

Two things: Unmarried fathers rarely get 'equal time'. If you want 'equal time' with a child, you get married before having children.
and
Whatever changes in your life don't matter one bit; what matters is the circumstances in the life of the child. And at this point, Mom has status quo on her side. Without her agreement, the chances of you getting 50/50 physical custody are all but nil.

I hope your attorney is enjoying his new Jag that you're paying for with the promises he makes you (and can't deliver).

 

[ElleMD]

If your reason for wanting more time with the child is so you don't have to pay support, think again. Especially as the child gets older there are many expenses that do not neatly fall into "yours" and "hers". Kiddo wants to play a sport or sign up for gymnastics. School field trips. Medical expenses. Insurance. Do you buy Junior new sneakers on your day or hers? All these things cost money and you aren't pulling your weight now; why would a judge think you will suddenly pay up once the child spends more time with you and there isn't a court order forcing you to pay?

The judge is going to want to know why you are now seeking a change. Not wanting to pay CS is not a good reason. Did you suddenly move closer such that sharing time is easier? Get a new job which pays more or allows you to spend more time with the child? Is the mother no longer medically able to care for the child and you are needed to step in and play a bigger role? Is the child starting school near your home where you would be better able to handle before and after school care? Those are the kinds of changes the judge might consider worthy of modifying custody/visitation. If nothing has changed other than you now owe even more back support and you have gotten engaged, there is no reason for the judge to modify your current agreement.