momma4life
New Member
My son's dad (we were never married) filed for a motion to modify custody. He has not been involved in my son's life much and I have had residential custody for the entire 9 years of my son's life. I have been married to my husband since he was 2 and we have 3 children together. Even though I have always kept my son's dad informed of what is going on, he has never shown up to anything. No P/T conferences, not to his tonsillectomy last year, no dr or dentist appts, etc. His family however, has been very involved and I have kept them in the loop on things as well. My son's grandma is usually the one that picks my son up for his dad's visitation and until recently (6-9 months) she would keep him for the entire weekend only bringing him to his dad's when it was time for me to pick him up. When that changed a few months ago, my son started coming home telling me that he hadn't eaten all weekend, his dad had spent the weekend sleeping and his step-mom only took care of his half-brother not him, and that he would be punished for the slightest infraction and be made to sit in his room with nothing to do. I talked to my son's grandma b/c my son begged me not to talk to his dad and I asked her to help clear up what was going on so my son wouldn't be so upset about going to see his dad. She seemed to have done that. At least he was being fed and allowed to do things, although that meant he was allowed to stay up all night watching "the man show" & "manswers" or playing video games. My son's dad specifically asks him what he is not allowed to do in my home and then lets him do it there, encourages him even. I'm close to my son and we talk about it and we talk about some of the options he has and what some of the consequences to those options are. I actually trust him to try to do what is right. Not to say I have been a perfect parent by any means. If only they came with a manual!
We recently moved and I gave my son's dad all the proper notices and then some. I tried talking to him about the move, given that it was only 10 miles and explain to him everything that was going on. Well he couldn't give me a legitimate reason why it was a problem to move so we moved forward with the move and I sent the required certified letter and even addressed the few concerns he had brought up in it.
Well of course, I watched the public website to see if he would file a motion and he did. Good thing I watched it b/c I have never been served with the papers and we go to court soon. Anyway he is alleging we neglect our kids, and we did have a neighbor who did not like us and called CPS reporting that same thing, but it was investigated and unsubstantiated. That was a couple years ago. Last year we took in a family member who was going into foster care and thought we would try to keep him out of the system, unfortunately, the foster care agencies did not do all their homework and he molested my daughters. The girls disclosed pretty quickly and I personally called CPS, the foster care worker, and my son's therapist. I honestly didn't think to call my ex. The only reason I called my son's therapist was b/c I knew my daughters would need someone to talk to now as well. My son did witness one incident and so he had to go through the safe talk, but that was the end of his involvement and my daughters' therapist was kept informed of his behaviors so we could determine if there was a need for him to be seen. He never showed any signs of PTSD or trauma, but he has continued to see his own therapist off and on the whole time whenever he needs to talk to someone. Anyway my son's dad is using this as part of the reason for a change in custody. The rest of the motion looked like it was written by my son, complaining of unfairness, etc.
I filed a response with the court basically saying he hasn't met material change of circumstances showing our move to be detrimental to my son. I also noted that my son's therapist would be testifying that he believes my son is well adjusted and it would be detrimental to him to live with his father. My son has elaborated quite a bit about how his father doesn't have anything to do with him unless his grandma or I force it. But for the last 6 weeks since I notified him of our move, he has been super dad. I love that for my son's sake, as does my son. I really wish we could keep him that way without me losing custody.
What are his real chances here at winning?? I'm really concerned b/c my son's grandfather used to be heavily involved as a lawyer in the local family courts and is now a municipal judge in the city. My son's dad and his lawyer are really good at stretching the truth or flat out lying and I'm not. I hate lying and I have never been able to make myself do it. Should I also bring my son's teachers to the first hearing? They can testify that his dad was never involved even though he had the same contact with them that I did.
Oh yeah, that is the other thing he alleges. I am trying to keep him from building a relationship with our son. Far from it. In fact, my 9 year old has his own email address and cell phone so he can contact his dad directly. Also so his dad can contact him directly. He doesn't even have to speak to me and he never calls him. I'm really stressed out about this, add that school starts soon and I don't want him to have to change schools should his dad get custody. And my other kids would be completely devastated to lose their brother.
We recently moved and I gave my son's dad all the proper notices and then some. I tried talking to him about the move, given that it was only 10 miles and explain to him everything that was going on. Well he couldn't give me a legitimate reason why it was a problem to move so we moved forward with the move and I sent the required certified letter and even addressed the few concerns he had brought up in it.
Well of course, I watched the public website to see if he would file a motion and he did. Good thing I watched it b/c I have never been served with the papers and we go to court soon. Anyway he is alleging we neglect our kids, and we did have a neighbor who did not like us and called CPS reporting that same thing, but it was investigated and unsubstantiated. That was a couple years ago. Last year we took in a family member who was going into foster care and thought we would try to keep him out of the system, unfortunately, the foster care agencies did not do all their homework and he molested my daughters. The girls disclosed pretty quickly and I personally called CPS, the foster care worker, and my son's therapist. I honestly didn't think to call my ex. The only reason I called my son's therapist was b/c I knew my daughters would need someone to talk to now as well. My son did witness one incident and so he had to go through the safe talk, but that was the end of his involvement and my daughters' therapist was kept informed of his behaviors so we could determine if there was a need for him to be seen. He never showed any signs of PTSD or trauma, but he has continued to see his own therapist off and on the whole time whenever he needs to talk to someone. Anyway my son's dad is using this as part of the reason for a change in custody. The rest of the motion looked like it was written by my son, complaining of unfairness, etc.
I filed a response with the court basically saying he hasn't met material change of circumstances showing our move to be detrimental to my son. I also noted that my son's therapist would be testifying that he believes my son is well adjusted and it would be detrimental to him to live with his father. My son has elaborated quite a bit about how his father doesn't have anything to do with him unless his grandma or I force it. But for the last 6 weeks since I notified him of our move, he has been super dad. I love that for my son's sake, as does my son. I really wish we could keep him that way without me losing custody.
What are his real chances here at winning?? I'm really concerned b/c my son's grandfather used to be heavily involved as a lawyer in the local family courts and is now a municipal judge in the city. My son's dad and his lawyer are really good at stretching the truth or flat out lying and I'm not. I hate lying and I have never been able to make myself do it. Should I also bring my son's teachers to the first hearing? They can testify that his dad was never involved even though he had the same contact with them that I did.
Oh yeah, that is the other thing he alleges. I am trying to keep him from building a relationship with our son. Far from it. In fact, my 9 year old has his own email address and cell phone so he can contact his dad directly. Also so his dad can contact him directly. He doesn't even have to speak to me and he never calls him. I'm really stressed out about this, add that school starts soon and I don't want him to have to change schools should his dad get custody. And my other kids would be completely devastated to lose their brother.
