Well, here it goes...I was living together with my partner for 8 years, we had a daughter but from year 7 of living together the relation starts to deteriorate, he caused himself to be fired, after that he just could not even go outside, I had only a part time job, so I could not pay the rent, it was chaos and he finally left (at the moment he left he was working thanks to a friend that find a job for him, but was not paying the bills, only buying expensive things we could not afford but no rent or the private school for our daughter, etc) without notice, no forwarding address, no calls, no sending money...Only when his mother came to visit,( she did not know a thing about it), and I told her, she searched for him in his job and then he sent some money a couple of times, and I let her stay with him a couple of weekends, after that he told me he was going to another state and it would take him time to start to send money for our daughter because he was going to start from zero, to which I answered that it was ok, no problem . After a while, like 6 months he started to send money but he lied about a couple of things; the money was from his new partner, a man, and he gave me a couple of different addresses and contact numbers; then he said to me he was diagnosed with bipolarism (which explains many things from the past and present) and he also lied about his job because later on I knew he was fired, so the only support he had was his partner. Anyway, he never asked to have our daughter with him for holidays, that is not until a year after and just when I told him I was going to move to Europe with a man I met online, then I agreed to send her for a month but with the condition that he had to return her and it was going to be return to Europe because I was flying the next day my daughter was flying to meet with her father. Everything was peaches and cream until I got to Europe and he did not let me communicate with my daughter, many excuses, at the beginning I thought it was normal because they were on holidays, visiting parks and museums, etc, but at the end he told me he had put her on a school there and he was not returning her, after I knew that he was telling her that I was not sending emails to her and not calling, which was a lie, at the end I had to return to my home state in order to more effectively fight for her custody (because we were not married there was not a divorce and no custody papers but I had always had her physical custody and he was the one who abandoned us in the beginning and later he left the state without being worried a t all about the wellbeing or welfare of our daughter) Back home and after a lot of things I had to do, he agreed to return her but to my home state, I told him I was not going back to Europe at once but it was very possible I was going with my daughter back to Europe at some time in the near future. He thought he was the only one with the right to relocate and try for a better life. Anyway, in about 7 years that I had been in Europe with my daughter (I married later but with another person, not the one I met online) he has been in contact sporadically, he had sent her a total of 550 dollars and not more because he has the fear that I am gonna use the money for me or the rest of my family but what he does not seem to appreciate is that for 7 years it has been my husband and not me because I do not work who has supported our daughter, but the thing complicates more now. My daughter has never loved or respected my husband, she keeps with the illusion that her father is an angel sent from God and far better than my husband, which I can understand to an extent, but she is soon gonna be 16 and she should be grateful. Now her father is in communication again and she says she wants to go live with him, well, she would prefer to live with me but without my husband and on our home state, and visit with her father, but that is not an option because, I love my husband, we have 2 more children together, he can not relocate to America at the moment and even her father does not live in our home state, but anyway they have planned that she is going for holidays with him then he is going to move to our home state with her, which I doubt because he has lived there for 7 years now or 8 and he has a life there, what I think he will do is to send her with his mother to live in our home state and I am very afraid he will not allow a communication between our daughter and me, he will brainwash her, and even when she is almost 16, she is very naive and will believe anything he tells her plus she would never oppose to anything he tells her to do, I mean, maybe at some time she would want to came back to me but she would never tell her father, she argues with me very easily but because she keeps a illusionary vision of her father, she would never confront him and to finish this now, I am also afraid, if she goes to live with him, he will quickly go to the authorities to make me pay child support, even when he did not paid child support for her for 7 years and I was so stupid not to make a formal complaint (that was also because I would have to do it in my home state, I think) and my husband will not take that very well because he is the only one who works and while he had to support 100 percent a child that was not his, now he would have to keep on doing that even when she goes to live with him. Any advice?
Help, Please!
- Thread Starter Sirene
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