Thank u . And I know that it will be a long p rocess. But I cant give up my heart wont let me they have only been gone for two years and I havnt seen them in a year I still buy them Xmas presents and Easter baskets and birthday gifts and started a scrapbook so when I do see them they can see all that's happened. I write them letters but do bbc.co t send them because shewill probably throw them awayI have never been in trouble until I got married to my ex husbandand now he going to be getting out of prison and hits his mother that has thenhe has been in prison for 6 years. and while he was in there I took care of themand it kills me to think that he will be getting out and he'll be able to see our boys and I won't be able to I'm sorry I'm just rambling on but thank you
You might want to talk with a mental health counselor.
You're not insane, crazy, or evil.
You're struggling, as we all have done, with a troublesome issue.
There is no magic formula, and what you desire you may never receive, a reunification with the children you carried for nine months.
Now, please attend to this carefully.
Your heart aches, and each child's heart might ache one day, too.
Therein lies your hope.
Separation can allow us time to think, to reconsider, to change and improve.
It also drives us to reunify, especially with children and parents.
So, you've already started the change.
You have admitted to your problem, and now you must own it.
Your former husband may have influenced you, but YOU chose to do everything that causes you pain today.
You chose to sign away your children, and now you've chosen to reunify with them.
You can continue writing letters, journaling, scrapbooking, and buying (then collecting) gifts for them.
One day they'll find you, or you'll find them.
They may be adults when that happens, but that's okay.
They'll acknowledge you as the ONLY woman that could have brought them into this world, and you'll simply love each other.
So, hold your head high, keep changing, and one day (the same way the ugly, little caterpillar becomes a beautiful butterfly) you'll be a butterfly, too!
Oh, one last thing.
I've been a dad, and liked being a dad.
Today I'm a grandfather and a great-grandfather, and I LOVE THAT MORE!!!
I love each of our children, but words can't describe the love I feel for my grands.
The love they return, my goodness, its magical.
My son shakes is head at how I interact (and my wife, too) with those little rascals (and the bigger rascals, among them).
Trust me, being a grandparent is 1,000,000 times better than being a parent, because its love without the headaches of being dad.